"I shall attempt to describe to you the most dangerous thing that could ever happen to me. It was so utterly terrifying that I tremble just thinking about it!
"Imagine the most innocent and magnificent creation that has ever been known to mankind...... threatening you and the things that you care most about! YES, THAT'S RIGHT! That day.... that horrible horrible day..... was when a group of radical cheeseburgers wielded shotguns and killed all the vegetables at Burger King!
"The cheeseburgers opened fire everywhere, and everyone screamed and tried to take cover. But when the shooting stopped, the diners looked up and realized that no one was hurt.
"But as the shotgun cheeseburger terrorists laughed manically and rode jetpacks out of the restaurant, everyone looked down on their trays - only to find that their beloved salads didn't make it. They were only left in bits..... COMPLETELY FULL OF BULLET HOLES THAT WERE LEAKING OUT RANCH DRESSING!!
"The people flailed out in panic, grieving over their fallen vegetables! As they screamed and sobbed, Pewdiepie came in riding a giant duck, seeking to comfort the poor victims. He raised a really small box in his hand and announced in a majestic voice:
"'Do not be a salad. BE THE BEST DAMN BROCCOLI YOU CAN BE!!'
"The diners stared at Pewdiepie, wide-eyed and shocked. Then a man in the back of the restaurant yelled:
"'Oh.... dear GOD! THE BROCCOLI!!!'
"The restaurant broke into chaotic hysteria again. People started to even forget why they were so sad and confused and began to break chairs and throw giant tomatoes on the others' backs. Pewdiepie sat dignified on his duck, watching everyone, when suddenly Markiplier bursted through the window and wrestled him to the ground, screaming 'THAT'S MY TINY BOX TIM!!!'
"And then a pizza delivery man walked in with twelve boxes of pizza and cheesy breadsticks.
"'Great! It finally came!' a guy dressed like Deadpool that everyone ignored for some reason went to the delivery man. He opened the boxes of pizza and then snapped at the guy.
"'I HATE PLAIN CHEESE!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS?!!!'
"That problem didn't last long though, because the shotgun cheeseburger terrorists came in again on ziplines and bombed all the pizza. Because this takes place in MURICA and according to the MURICAN government pizza is a vegetable. But tomatoes are technically fruits, so the crowd of people hitting each other with tomatoes were fine from the terrorists.
"The man dresssed like Deadpool clenched his fists and yelled at the sky.
"'NOOOOOOOOO!!! NOW I CAN ONLY EAT THE BREADSTICKS!! AND THE GUY FORGOT MY SODA!!!'
"And then the Deadpool guy summoned a black hole and jumped in, thus ending his life in this particular universe. Some say that he's still alive in another dimension to this very day, screaming for his poor lost cheese pizza that he didn't even want to eat anyway.
"The people that were around the Deadpool guy noticed the fallen cheese pizzas, and they started crying and sobbing for them too. Then another man climbed up onto a table and raised his arms, silencing the crowd.
"'MY FELLOW BURGER KING PEOPLE!!" he yelled. "It is quite obvious what the cheeseburger terrorists' intentions are: to eradicate all vegetables and never let us eat them again! BUT WE ABSOLUTELY NEED THOSE FOR OUR DIETS AND STUFF!!'
"The crowd roared in agreement.
"'Now, to stop them, I say we prevent more of the cheeseburger terrorists from appearing! And the only way to do that is to EAT ALL OF THEM!'
"All the diners cheered for this genius of a man. They sat back down at their tables and began eating all the cheeseburgers they didn't finish. Then this deranged waitress from some other restaurant came around and gave them more until all the cheeseburgers in the restaurant were gone.
"Then the shotgun cheeseburger terrorists bursted in again, begging that they don't eat any more of their future comrades. But the diners didn't intend to give them such mercy, so they ate the terrorist burgers, as well.
"And that is the absolutely true reason why I skipped my diet for one day to barge into Burger King and eat twenty cheeseburgers, Your Honor."
........
A/N: this is a completely legit excuse if you decide to skip your diet, by the way
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InkeQuizzles and Chocolate Cake
HumorWelcome to the strange nonsensical world full of the almighty Inkequizzles and evil Chocolate cake, extracted from the colorful universe of my very own brain. The chapters of this book don't follow any particular storyline altogether; they're mostly...
