InkeQuizzles and Chocolate Cake

Worst (Best) Country Song in the World

So, if you really really know me, you know that I hate country music with a burning passion. And I know what I hate. The lady that drives our school bus (along with every freaking teacher in my school...) listens openly to it on a daily basis (she would put it over on the bus's speakers so it would be impossible to ignore). And, I mean no really big offense to people that like it, but... why??? They only sing about four things: drinking, their girlfriend/boyfriend, their horse, and good ol' country life. And people ask me why I love metal.... it's because it covers so much more than that! They sing with angry, raw passion, about things that matter, like war, death, dreams, life, love, suicide, racism, destruction, the white people's invasion of the Native American land, Alexander the Great, religion, politics... THE LIST GOES FREAKING ON!!!!

But that's not what this is about. This is just a "country" song I just made up as I went along, and it had pretty weird things happening in it. And this is just a message to people that write country music: do something different for a change! Maybe even make some weirdo things happen! 

Rant, if you may, in the comments about what music you hate and what music you do like. I don't care if you disagree with my views; everyone's free to an opinion. 

Here is the song. Well, it's not really a song at all, just a free verse poem based off of me mentioning all these things in a conversation with someone, and they said: "How's that for a country song?" And then that wasn't enough, so I started making up stuff to go along and then it became a rambling battle between country and heavy metal musicians. Enjoy!

I was in my trailer,

Listening to Judas Priest and eating sushi

When the sun exploded and Grandpa came 

And gave me some bento 

And I was like:

That was weird. 

Then this notoriously-looking Bento Man came out

And stole my bento

And my favorite top hat

And I said:

"Ay! Give me back my hat! You better respect mah authoritah!"

And I chased after him

Into a ditch

Then Rob Halford came over on his motorcycle

And stole my favorite pair of socks

And as he rode away he sang:

"Breaking the law, breaking the law, breaking the law, breaking the law..."

And then Brad Paisley came out of nowhere and falcon-punched Rob Halford off of his motorcycle, singing:

"I can make anybody pretty.... I can make you believe any lie.... I can make you pick a fight with sombody twice your size..." 

And then Dave Mustaine jumped out from a rocketship and slashed Brad Paisley with his guitar, and all the while he was growling:

"More evil than violence! More violent than death! More deadly than man!!! Yuh Yuh! I'm evil!!!"

And then I burst out laughing, because even though I knew the song was actually about drugs and alcohol, not about the prince of darkness, the song always reminded me of my evil cat.

Dave Mustaine triumphed in battle over Brad Paisley, but then he was ambushed by Eli Young singing:

"Ohhhhh, I can hear em playin! I can hear the ringin of a beat up ol' guitar! Ohhhhhh, I can hear em playin! Keep on dreamin even if it breaks your heart!"

He didn't last, though, because Dave Mustaine and Bruce Dickinson doubled up on him, and Bruce was singing:

"Infinite dreams... I can't deny them.... infinity is hard to comprehend...... I couldn't hear those screams, even in my wildest dreams....." 

And then the Notorious Bento-Man yelled: 

"STOP WITH ALL THIS! I SUMMON DARTH VADER, AND HIS GREAT ARMY OF GIRL SCOUTS!!"

"They all work for me, you know," Darth Vader said. "Join the darkside, and you get free cookies." 

Everyone looked at him, especially Dave, because he really liked cookies. 

"Stop right there, Darth Vader!" a husky baritone voice boomed out from nowhere. For some reason, there was an outhouse in the middle of the desert. The door opened and Batman came out, pointing accusingly at Darth Vader. 

"People have been wanting to see who would win in a fight for ages!" 

"You cannot comprehend my powers..." Darth Vader said.

"I don't care," Batman replied arrogantly. "I'm very rich. I can have all the power in the world."

Everyone was throwing cheese at the person they thought would win. Soon both Darth Vader and Batman were both covered in swiss and cheddar.

Now, I was really bored at this point in the fight, but I can tell you who won.

Darth Vader did.

In the end, Rob Halford was driving away the batmobile, muttering to himself:

"Breaking the law, breaking the law. Breaking the law, breaking the law...."

And the Notorious Bento-Man gave me my hat back. 

...............Um, I don't really know what to say about that. I guess you can see I'm not much for writing poetry. This just turned out to be a completely awesome rambling instead. 

 Thank you for reading!