I was ten years old when I first went to a psychologist. My family had finally gotten tired of my silence. I went the only way I could. Willingly. Its not like I could speak on my behalf, right? I still remember the sickly sent of lemon cleaner clouding up the small, blue painted room. It made me dizzy, and I was grateful when Mrs. Giddons let me sit in the overstuffed yellow armchair. She had made my mom, dad, and brother leave the room so that she could stare at me sympathetically and twirl her hair. I waited patiently until she was ready to speak.
Her voice was almost too alluring. It was weird, and it turned me off of her. Her voice did not match her appearance very well. While her voice was sweet and soft, her wrinkled, middle aged rest of her with uni brow and horrible fashion sense clashed. Not that I could/would tell her that socks and sandals were a horrible no no.
"So Kennedy. May I call you Kenny?" She asks. Most people ask this. It annoys me. I smile slightly and shake my head no, still looking at her with my piercing green eyes. I have noticed that nobody can bare to look me in the eyes for too long. I like it.
"Okay then. So Kennedy, your parents have been worried about you, do you know why?" She asks, looking at my forehead now. I shake my head no. It is a lie. They think I am a head case.
"They are worried about you because according to them, one day when you were four you... stopped speaking. Why is that?" She looks curious. I shrug, then point to the white board.
"Oh, yes, certainly you can use that," She says enthusiastically, gesturing for me to go up to it. I do, and then I fill up the white board with every reason I have to be silent. Well, the ones I found on line. They are my favorite quotes.
"Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance or my kindness for weakness"
"Silence is a friend that never betrays"
"Maybe my silence is trying to tell you something"
"If you don't understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"
" A meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words"
"When silence between two people is comfortable, you know that you have found love"
"My silence is my sound"
And then I write one more sentence below.
"Understand now?" I turn around to find a gaping Mrs. Giddons.
I never went back to a psychologist again.
