"But stretch marks and scars, broken hearts and social anxiety--it's all part of who you are. Having imperfections and still being beautiful; that's what true perfection is, and that's what you are."
•••
*trigger warning for basically the whole book...
I jump up from the bed, Luke's eyes fluttering open.
"You okay?"
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And, as a look of concern washes over his face and he sits up, I almost drown in his eyes. "Seriously, are you good?"
I feel tears burning the back of my eyes, threatening to stream down my cheeks at any moment. "You.. You need to go." I say, breaking the eye contact and turning around.
"W..What?"
I've never hated myself more. I knew this boy liked me, a lot, actually, yet I toyed with his emotions. I could hear the hurt in his voice as I repeated, "You need to leave."
I could tell he was confused, even without looking at his face. He stood up, and put his arm on my shoulder. "Melanie, did I do something wrong?"
"I said GO!" I yell, no longer being able to fight back the tears as I start to bawl, trying not to sniffle so he wouldn't know I was crying. The sooner he left, the less he'd have to heal. He pulled his hand back to his side.
"I-I'm sorry. For whatever I did. I don't know.. What it was.. But I'm sorry, I'll go." His voice cracks as the door closes, signaling that he was gone.
Then I lost it.
Pacing around my room, practically ripping my hair out of my head, cheeks stained with tears; I felt like I was going crazy.
He probably hates me now, but making him leave is better than me just telling him I didn't love him.
I then remember how I felt in his arms, head resting on his chest and heartbeats synchronizing with one another..
Maybe I do love him?
No. I love Niall, and he loves me too. I know he does. Luke is just a really good friend, like a brother.
Just like a brother.
////////////////////
My phone has been going off all day with texts and calls from Luke.
From: Lukey :-)
Melanie?
From: Luke.
Melanie, please answer
From: Luke.
I don't know what I did wrong?
From: Luke.
please, Mel.. I miss you.
*MESSAGE DELETED*
From: Luke.
I'm sorry.
What's wrong with me? Why does it hurt to just ignore him like this, tidiest act like he never existed?
My phone goes off again, I look at it expecting it to be Luke again, but it's not.
From: Mikeyall(Michael)
Hey do you know what's wrong with Luke? He won't talk to anyone
My heart practically drops into my stomach.
From: me
No idea
*MESSAGE DELETED*
From: me
Yeah, actually
*MESSAGE DELETED*
From: me
No, I don't.. Hope he's okay.
At this point, I don't know what to do. My anxiety is through the roof and I can't help but feel like my whole life is over, and maybe it is.
/////////////////
For the past few hours, I've been sitting on my bed, blasting music to drown out the world. Song after song, I was waiting for the one that would make me forget everything and force me to leave my own consciousness and just melt into the music, but there wasn't one song that quite did the trick.
I sat, staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything prior to now.
I missed him.
A lot.
I might not love him, but I still considered him close. I wanted to call him, to reply to his texts(which have now reached the 50 mark), and to explain everything. But I don't know how.
What do you do when you've fucked up everything, to the point where you've lost one of the most important people to you?
Not knowing what to do, I call the only person I trust with everything, knowing they'll be able to help me somehow.
"Hello? Alyssa"
(A/N)
Hey! So.. Luke and Melanie... um... pls don't kill me hehehehehe*awkward laughing and light cough* whoops
Song suggestions:
Love Me - The 1975 (Im in love with this songgg)
Overdose - Alessia Cara
How To Be A Heartbreaker - Marina And The Diamonds
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Off Her Clothes - Panic! At The Disco
