Inked

21

Meggie was officially worried -- but she wasn't readily admitting it. She hadn't seen Farid at all yesterday, and he hadn't come to breakfast this morning. Soleil had made herself relatively scarce, which further aroused Meggie's suspicions, no matter how much Meggie despised the girl. 

There was nothing she could do, however, as Doria was keeping a close eye on her, probably afraid she would run off at any second -- which, before, she would have already done. But Meggie was trying to stay out of trouble this time. Her interference wasn't always beneficial and she wanted to prove to Mo and to Resa -- and to Valor, in some way -- that she wasn't a foolish child anymore. If anyone needed her help, she would gladly provide it, but she would not continue barging in when she was not needed. 

Understandably, this amount of effort was exhausting. By the eleventh hour of staying out of things, Meggie was irritable. 

"Here." Doria handed Meggie an apple, and she barely registered the taste of it as she took a bite. 

"How does she do it?" Meggie whispered, and Doria followed her steely gaze to Resa, who was scooping up a handful of nuts, her other arm secure around her son. "How can she stand all this waiting?"

Reflecting on Meggie's mood and what she might want to hear, Doria said, "She has a baby, Meggie. She can't just leave him to go off on some adventure that could get her killed." But that's what Meggie was best at: running off to get things done because she just could not sit around doing nothing. Was that selfish of her? Ignoring her parents' concern for what she believed to be the greater good -- was that wrong?

"Am I a bad person?" she asked, leaning into Doria.

"Now, why would you ask a question like that?" Doria reached up to smooth her luminous hair, amazed at its pristine condition given the mediocre hygienic opportunities here at camp.

"Because all my parents want is to protect me, and I believe I can do that better than they can. I keep telling myself that I know how to take care of myself, that I've done it before, but what if I can't? What if it was all just luck before? What if I go off on my own, convinced I know what I'm doing, and then I get myself killed? It will destroy them, I know it will." Meggie took another bite of apple and chewed it anxiously, still not tasting a thing. "And yet... All I can think about is going after Mo, or after Farid, Dustfinger even. All I can think about is doing anything but staying here and waiting for news to come."

Doria looked down at Meggie, whose light eyes were still focused on her mother and little brother. "What you just said? That doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe a little bit of a thrill-seeker, but not a bad person. Besides, you would never get yourself killed. You're far too clever for that." 

Meggie felt a slight smile forming on her face, something she had not been able to manage since the men left. She continued to watch Resa and Valor finish up breakfast, but her mind was somewhere far, far away.