Date With The Arrogant

Date With The Arrogant: Chapter 30

My chest was pounding so hard when I reached the place where Kristine has invited us.

The Black Palace.

The big glowing signage welcomed me as I walk toward the entrance. I’m finally here. This was the first place I thought of after Finn burst all those words in my face.

Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras pa papunta dito. Hindi na din ako nakapagpaalam kay Mama. Bukas ko na lang poproblemahin ang idadahilan ko sa kanya. Ang alam ko lang, ganitong klase ng lugar ang kailangan ko ngayon.

Tonight I’m going to hit this club. Magpapakasaya ko! This place might help me forget him and all those things he has said and done. Ngayong gabi, totoo na talagang kakalimutan ko sya. Kagaya ng sinabi nya.

When I finally get inside, my eardrums felt crashed because of the loud party music that surrounds the place. People were dancing everywhere. Everybody was dancing like there’s no tomorrow. Some were doing dirty dance.

Hinanap ng mga mata ko sila Chix. And when I finally saw them, pinuntahan ko sila agad. Hiro, Chix and Donna were there on the table. My eyes searched for Kristine and Martin. They were kissing. Donna was sitting there as if she doesn’t see them. She’s busy with her drinks.

“Wow. So what brings you here Laine?” Malakas na tanong sakin ni Chix dahil nga sa napakalakas ng tugtog sa buong lugar.

“Nothing.” I smiled weakly. I sat beside them. As much as possible, I tried to act natural as I bang my head to the beat of Katy Perry’s song.

Everybody was there except for Bessie and that inconsiderate guy. For a second, nagpasalamat ako na wala si Bessie. He had some family affairs to attend to. He’s in Hongkong, he said. At least I can do freely what I want to do, and that is to enjoy. I want to escape the pain and the hurt that bastard has given me. Mag-eenjoy ako.

I will drink like forever. I will dance like hell. I will do what I want.

“Wanna drink Laine?” Donna asked. She seemed tipsy already as she laughed skeptically. Ramdam kong nasasaktan sya. Alam ko yun. Kasi sa mga oras na ito, yun din ang gusto kong gawin, ang lunurin ang sarili ko sa alak para makalimot.

“Sige, mamaya na ko.” Nakangiti kong tanggi sa kanya. Gusto ko kasing uminom ng mag-isa. Yung tpong walang makikialam sakin. Pagkatapos ay binalingan ko si Chix. “Kanina pa ba umiinom yan?” Tukoy ko kay Donna na tumutungga sa shot glass.

“Yeah. Mukang problemado eh.” Naiiling na sagot ni Chix sa akin.

Nakatingin lang kami pareho ni Chix kay Donna. Pero maya-maya lang ay napatakip sya ng bibig sya. She’s going to puke. She immediately stood up and headed toward the lady’s room.

“Uh-oh. I’m gonna follow her.” Paalam ko kila Chix at Hiro saka ko mabilis na sinundan si Donna.

Naabutan ko syang sumusuka sa isang cubicle. I hurriedly caress her back to comfort her as she throws up. Inabutan ko sya ng tissue. She looked miserable. I knew it. She’s in pain right now.

“Bakit ba kasi ang dami mong ininom Dons?” Tanong ko sa kanya.

She gave me a weak smile. “I need to Laine.” Then nagulat na lang ako when tears sprung in her eyes. She was crying hard.

“Laine. Isang taon. Isang taon na nung maghiwalay kami pero bakit mahal ko pa din sya? I’m so f*cked up when we broke up. Tapos sya, ayun nagpapakasaya kung kani-kaninong babae. I don’t know but all this time, it was still him that I love.”

Ngayon ko lang nakitang ganito si Donna. She looked so strong outside pero ang totoo, sobrang nasasaktan na pala sya. Naupo sya sa may toilet bowl. She covered her face with her hands and broke down hard.

Naaawa ako sa kanya. I feel her pain. Alam ko ung nararamdaman nya ngayon. I am somewhat similar to her situation. Ang pinagkaiba, mas matagal na nyang mahal si Martin at naging boyfriend nya ito. Hindi katulad ko. Ni hindi man lang kami umabot sa stage na yun. Haayy.

“Sh*t!” She muttered in between her sobs. “I am too dumb Laine. Kung bakit naman kasi sa lahat ng lalaki sa mundo, bakit sya pa?”

“Do you know how we broke up?” She asked. Her voice was mad. “He just did for no bloody reason at all! Ang alam ko lang, nakipaghiwalay sya sakin ng biglaan. Ni ha o ni ho, wala syang sinabi sakin kung bakit. Nagmuka akong tanga nun Laine! Tapos kinabukasan, nakita ko na lang na meron na syang ibang girlfriend.”

I was utterly speechless with her revelation. Ganung tao ba talaga si Martin? Pero muka naman syang mabait. Wala akong naisip na sabihin sa kanya. Maybe, ito lang talaga yung kailangan nya ngayon, ang ilabas lahat ng hinanakit na tinago nya sa dibdib nya sa loob ng isang taon.

“Dahil dun, lumayo ako sa kanya. Nagalit ako sa kanya nang mga panahon na yun. Pero alam mo ba yung mas nakakapagtaka Laine?! Pag nakikita ko sya noon, parang sya pa yung mas galit sa akin. Para bang ako pa ung may kasalanan kung bakit kami naghiwalay. Damn! I was really hurt that time Laine and it makes me mad.

“Akala ko pag lumayo ako sa kanya at sa ChocoPaps, makakalimutan ko na sya. But I was wrong. Oo, alam kong tanga ko para maramdaman ko pa ding mahal na mahal ko sya pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari. Pero hindi ko naman maturuan ung puso ko eh, kahit bugbog na bugbog na ito sa sakit. Sobrang sakit Laine. Sobrang sakit. Gusto ko na talaga syang kalimutan. Pagod na pagod na ko.”

After all she had said, I hugged her so tight. “Ssshh. Don’t cry Dons. Everything will be alright.”

“Sana nga Laine. Sana nga.”

Inalalayan ko si Donna pabalik sa table namin nila Chix. Halatang lasing pa din sya. Sapo sapo nya ang ulo nya nang makaupo na kami sa loob.

“You know what Dons, I think you should go home.” Suggest ni Hiro sa kanya nang makita nya ito.

“Oo nga Dons. You looked terrible.” Sabi naman ni Chix.

“No, I won’t go home. Kaya ko pa.” Pagpipilit pa ni Donna despite of her tipsy voice.

“No Dons, you need to. I’ll call you a cab.” Sabi ko. She really needs to rest. She looked so exhausted. Ganito pala talaga ang nagagawa ng lecheng pag-ibig na yan. Donna just gave me another reason for drinking tonight.

“Fine.” Donna said in surrender.

Hindi nga nagtagal ay hinatid ko na si Donna sa labas at tinulungan na syang isakay sa taxi. Sinabi ko na lang dun sa driver yung address nya. Mukang mapagkakatiwalaan naman yung driver, bukod pa dun eh, part din ng club na ito yung mga cabs dito. Para talaga sa mga taong nakainom.

I immediately went back inside at pinuntahan sila Chix. I excused myself from them. Nang tinanong nila ko kung saan ako pupunta, sinabi kong maglilibut-libot lang muna ko.

Gusto ko munang mag-isa. Gusto kong mag-enjoy mag-isa. Gusto kong uminom mag-isa.
Gusto kong uminom para makalimot.

“What can I get for you, Miss?” The bartender asked as soon as I sat on one of the stools there.

I paused for a second. Ano nga bang oorderin ko eh wala naman akong kaalam-alam sa alak. The first and last time I drink was when we were in Davao. That time, when we had a dare and Finn saved me from drinking the drink Chix has made.

“Tengene.” I muttered after realizing I had just thought of that man again. Nandito ko para kalimutan sya diba? Bakit ba inaalala mo na naman yung mga ginawa nya para sayo? Sya na nga mismo nagsabi na kalimutan ko na yung lahat lahat diba?

“Pardon?” The bartender abruptly said, his eyebrows met.

“Ahh nothing.” I said sheepishly. “I’d prefer something hard. That kind of drink that could make me passed out easily.”

The bartender smiled. It was as if he knew I’m some kind of problematic and a broken-hearted girl who wanted to forget all her heartaches by drinking. Well, tama naman yung iniisip nya. I just want to forget this feeling for goodness’ sake.

“Do you want to start on tab, Ma’am?”

I raised my brow as I looked at him. “Err. Will you just give me me drink?” I irritatedly asked. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong sinasabi nya. Bakit hindi na lang kasi nya ibigay yung hinihingi ko diba? Ang dami nyang tanong na hindi ko naman alam kung ano bang sinasabi nya. Hindi ba nya alam na first time lang akong iinom sa ganito? And I never imagined myself at this place right now. Hindi ko naman alam na mararanasan ko tong nararamdaman ko ngayon eh.

Ngumiti lang sya sa akin. “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes Ma’am.”

Seconds after, he gave me a shot glass then he poured a golden alcohol in it. “Here you go Ma’am.”

“What do you call this drink?” I suddenly asked.

“Tequila.” He said politely.

Tequila. I smiled bitterly upon remembering what happened in Davao. Tequila din ang ininom namin doon. Paksyet. So kailangan talaga lahat na lang ng maliliit na bagay may kinalaman kay Finn? Heck.

“Can you just give me another hard drink? Rum, whiskey or anything. Basta yung sobrang nakakalasing, okay?”

The bartender obliged and poured me another shot of a clear alcohol. I looked at it closely; it was glistening in the dark. It was pretty. I drank it straightly. I closed my eyes as I sip every bit of it. The taste was strong and bitter, yet I crave for more. This is what I really wanted: The bitterness of the beverage to fight against the bitter feeling that embraces my heart right now.

“Another drink please.” I asked again. The bartender obliged, pouring me another shot.

Then after that, I asked for more and he gave me more. Yet, why do I still feel sober? Why do I still remember all those things he said? Why does it still feels fresh in my memory? I should have forgotten it by now. But why the hell am I still feeling the hurt?

“Another shot!” I raised my glass, asking the bartender for another drink. “Oh wait.” I abruptly said. “Just give me a bottle, okay?”

“But Ma’am--“

“Just give me one, okay?” I scoffed.

“Do you have a designated driver?” He asked.

“I don’t have but even so give me what I asked for crying out loud!” I cried out. Bakit ba hindi nya maintindihan na kailangan kong uminom na madami para makalimutan ko tong nararamdaman ko? Hindi ako nag-aalala kung malasing man ako o kung saan man ako pulutin pagkatapos nito. Sa ngayon, alak lang muna ang gusto ko.

With that, he gave me a bottle of the liquor. I don’t know how many shots I’ve drink already. I won’t stop until I forget him. I sip another, and another and another.

My visions began to blur. I felt my head was pounding. But it was nothing compared to my wrecked heart. I still feel the pain. Bakit ganun naman yung ginawa nya sakin? Pinasaya nya muna ako ng konti tsaka nya ko binitiwan pabagsak sa lupa. At sa totoo lang, napakasakit ng bagsak ko eh. Nakalas pati kaluluwa ko. Ang sakit.

Sinubukan kong pigilan ang mga luha ko, pero nabigo ako. T*ng-ina! Eto na nga yata siguro yung epekto ng alak. Nagdadrama na naman ako. Kung kanina, hindi ako umiyak sa mga sinabi nya, pero ngayon, masaganang umaagos ang mga luha sa pisngi ko. Siguro kasi, ngayon lang unti-unting nag-sink in ang mga sinabi nya.

It hurts so much that the pain is sucking the life out of me. Forget all that has happened. Feeling nya ganun lang kadaling gawin un? Feeling nya porke sinabi nya yun, automatic na mabubura lahat ng memories ko kasama nya? Nakakainis. Kasalanan ko din naman to eh. Kung hindi lang sana ako nagpumilit… Ahh! Ayoko nang mag-isip. Gusto ko na lang munang mawala ung sakit. Kahit ngayon lang.

I took another shot. Tsaka ko lang narealize na unti unti na palang nasasanay ang lalamunan ko sa pait ng alak.

“Ma’am, okay lang po kayo?” Nag-aalalang tanong ng bartender sa akin.

“Yes. Okay ako. I’M OKAY!” I yelled. “I’M GONNA BE OKAY! I’M GONNA BE FINE! I’LL FORGET HIM. MAWAWALA DIN YUNG SAKIT NA BINIGAY NYA SAKIN!” I screamed my lungs out as I break down. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. Hindi ko na kaya pang pigilan tong nararamadaman ko. Kailangan ko na sigurong ilabas ito para kahit papaano eh mawala ung sakit sa dibdib ko.

I stood up from my seat when I heard a Lady Gaga song. I wiped my tears with my hand. I tried to gain my balance as I walked toward the dance floor, but I failed. My body swayed as I took steps but even so, I managed to get there.

The club was dark yet I didn’t care. I’m going to be reckless this day. I wanna have fun. I wanna forget.

I danced my heart out while banging my head to the beat. I don’t mind if I looked some kind of lunatic here. I just want to dance. But suddenly, I felt the need to puke. I covered my mouth as I walked toward the first door I’ve seen. As I went in, I only realized that I was not actually inside a room. Exit na pala ito ng bar. Damn. I can’t hold my vomit anymore; it won’t be good if I go inside the bar again. Mahirap na, baka doon pa ko abutan. Kaya naman pinili ko na lang ang sumuka doon sa malapit sa parking area, doon sa mga halaman.

Ang sakit sa lalamunan. Sheett. This was the only thing I get after drinking. Hindi naman yata effective pampalimot to. Nararamdaman ko pa ung sakit eh. Nagrereplay pa din sa utak ko ung mga sinabi nya.

Babalik na sana ako sa loob nang bar para uminom at magsaya ulit pero naisip ko na papahirapan ko lang ang sarili ko kung ganoon ung gagawin ko. Instead, naisip ko na lang na maglakad lakad. Baka sakaling mas makatulong to. Baka sakaling magkaroon ako ng peace of mind sa katahimikan at kalaliman ng gabi.

Wala sa sariling tinahak ko ang kahabaan ng kalsada. Hindi naman ganoon kadilim ang lugar. Tama lang para makakita ako kahit paano.

Lakad. Lakad. Lakad. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Kahit masakit ang ulo ko at nahihilo ako, hindi ko iyon pinansin. I just kept on walking until I saw a playground. Dali dali kong pinuntahan iyon. Para akong batang excited na sumakay sa isa sa mga swing doon.

Who would’ve thought, I would come to a state like this. Kanina lang ang saya ko pa habang tinitingnan ko syang makipaglaro sa mga bata. I saw a different Finn that moment. I was happy. Not until he said all those things.

Alam ko namang pinilit ko ang sarili ko na wag umasa sa date na un. But I just can’t help it. Alam kong pinangako ko sa sarili ko na huling iyak na ang gagawin ko sa bus na yun. Pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Alam kong dapat na kalimutan ko na sya talaga. Sinabi ko na iyon sa sarili ko. Masakit man pero kailangan kong turuan ang sarili ko na gawin iyon.

Pero mas doble pala ang sakit kung sa kanya na mismo naggaling ang mga salitang yung. Sheet. Ayan na naman ung mga pesteng luhang yan. Ilang beses na kong umiyak ngayong linggong to. Ilang beses pa bang iyak ang maari kong gawin para lang mawala yung sakit na nandito ngayon sa puso ko?

Nakakatawa na siguro ung itsura ko ngayon. Isang babaeng nakadress na nakaupo sa swing. Nakainom ng alak at umiiyak. Ang galing, nangyayari pala to sa totoong buhay. Akala ko kasi kaartehan lang ng mga babae yung ganitong moment eh. Yung tipong sobrang nagpapaka-emo. Ganito pala un. Ganito pala ung feeling. Pakiramdam ko tuloy pwede na kong bida sa mga Korean dramas na napapanuod ko. Tengene. Sana nga kung palabas lang to. Kaya lang hindi eh. Hindi naman ganitong love story ung pinangarap ko eh. Hindi pala happy ending ang kahahantungan ng story na binuo ko sa aming dalawa ni Finn.

I don’t know how many ifs and buts I thought of already. I don’t know how long was I sitting here in this swing. I don’t know because I don’t need to know anyway. I don’t mind. I just don’t simply care. I just want a little bit of peacefulness on my mind.

My head pounded so hard that it nearly knocked my brain. I felt, the alcohol is taking its effect now. Kung kanina kaya ko pa kahit paano ung sakit ng ulo ko, ngayon hindi ko na alam. Sobrang sakit na talaga nya.

“Pesteng alak ka.” Sabi ko habang sapu sapo ko ang ulo ko. Tsaka ko lang naalala, hindi pa pala ko bayad dun sa mga alak na inorder ko. At ang mas masama pa dun, hindi ko dala ang bag ko. Damn, wala na bang mas magiging malas sa araw na to?

Nanatili lang akong nakaupo sa swing. Hindi ko na yata kaya pa ang tumayo mula sa kinauupuan ko. Bahala na. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung anong mangyayari sakin ngayon gabing ito. O madaling araw na pala.

Marahan akong napabuntong hininga. Tears started to escape from my eyes again. I’m so wasted. Ganito pala ang feeling ng rejected. I thought, wala ng ibibigay na kamalasan sa akin si Lord ngayong araw pero nagkamali ako. Big drops of rain started to pour. But my body was numb, I did not move from my seat. Ang alam ko lang, magkahalo na ngayon ang mga luha ko at ang ulan.

Lumipas pa ang ilang minuto, I was already completely soaked from the rain yet I did not mind. Siguro, pati ang langit, nakikisama din sa kalungkutan na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

“Psychopath!”

My body froze when I heard that word. Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Tumayo ako bigla sa kinatatayuan ko. Did I hear it right or I was just imagining things? Nandito ba talaga sya? Nandito ba ang taong may dahilan kung bakit ako nandito sa sitwasyon ito?

But my heart jumped when I saw a silhouette running toward me. He’s here? A half smile was formed on my lips. Nandito nga sya. He’s going to save me, this time from the rain. He still cares about me. Finn, again, will save me like what he did in Davao when he rescued me in the woods. I was happy. Hindi naman pala nya ako ganung pinabayaan, kahit paano, nagaalala po din sya sakin.

I was about to shout his name but my heart froze when I clearly saw the silhouette that was coming toward me. My smile faded. I was in utter disappointment when he came near me and hugged me.

Akala ko sya na. Akala ko sya ulit yung taong magliligtas sakin. Akala ko.

“My god. I was so worried about you…”

He was still hugging me so tight. Hindi ko alam, pero lalo akong naiyak. I don’t know why. Akala ko kasi sya na talaga. Bakit ba pinaasa ko na naman ang sarili ko sa taong un? Bakit sya pa ung inasahan kong magliligtas sakin sa mga oras na to?

“Magkakasakit ka pa nyan sa ginagawa mo Ally eh.” Sabi pa sa akin ni Bessie. “Hey, why’re you crying? Hush now Ally, everything will be alright. Nandito lang ako. Iuuwi na kita.”

“Bessie.” I cried. My visions were so blurred because of my tears and because of the rain.

This is what a drunken mind gets: hallucination. And that makes me feel so bad. Totoo nga ung sabi nila, marami ang namamatay sa maling akala. What’s worse is, I thought of a person who does nothing but to mock and hurt me.

“Stop crying Ally. From now on, I’ll protect you. Hindi na kita hahayaan pang umiyak ulit.” He said, sincerity in his voice.

“Thank you Bessie.”

That was all I said before my visions turned completely blur. I don’t know what happened next, all I saw was darkness.


*** to be continued...