Where I Found You

Chapter 39 - Alyssa.

Chapter 39 - Alyssa.

I hide in my room for the rest of the day, unsure what to do with myself. I cried on the way home, but now I just feel sad and guilty and so so so annoyed, with both Jack and myself.
The only thought that keeps coming back to me is, what does this mean? Is it over? What if Jack and I can never be the same again?
Because, I really love him.
As we have dinner that evening, I stare at my family. Philip is too young to be a snob yet. I know I'm not a snob. My parents are, though. Both with well-paid jobs, respected families, apparently good morals. I can see why people would look up to them, want to know them.
I don't know if I look up to them anymore, though. Because all I can think about is how when I'm older, I'm not going to be like them. Not at all.
It's while we are having a desert of fruit salad and cream that my dad drops the bombshell - for the next three days we are going to Cornwall to visit my aunt. I don't understand why they didn't tell us earlier, and all I can think is that I'm going to miss Jack's birthday, and if I'm not there then, we'll have no chance of making up.
I look out of the window upstairs afterwards to see Jack's dad going out to his car. For work. A pang of guilt hits me when I remember what I said to Jack - that his family was a mess. I don't know how I could say something like that. I absolutely love them all.
I'm horrible.
That's when I spot Jack behind him. The two of them hug, and exchange a few words. I've never seen this before, never seen Jack waving his dad off to work. As his dad gets into the car I spot Jack glancing towards my house. And when the car is gone, he starts to walk over.
At the sound of our doorbell I shut my bedroom door, turn off the lights, and climb under the bed. This is what I used to do when I didn't want to be found when I was smaller, and it still works. But it doesn't matter anyway, because I know that once my parents see him through the spy hole and I don't rush down, they won't bother answering it.
And Jack will go away.
-
The next morning I realise that I just can't go to Aunt Sofia's in Cornwall. I am going to have to stay.
"Look, I have exams, dad," I make up, while he is packing his bag with clothes. He takes a look at me still in my pyjamas even though we are meant to be leaving in an hour, and sighs dramatically.
"Take your work with you," he tells me.
"No." I sigh, annoyed. "It's going to just mess up my schedule. This isn't fair. You didn't tell me in advance - I was waiting until this week to do most of the studying because I had a load of work before and this week I'm free. Now I can't so that."
My mother comes out of the bathroom wearing a towel and a curious frown. "What's all this?"
"Alyssa wants to stay at home to study," dad explains. "Your aunt wanted to see you, Alyssa."
My mother sighs. I know she doesn't much like aunt Sofia, so she might be on my side. "Your sister cannot dictate what our daughter does. Besides, this is important for her education. And she has a phone. She is eighteen, afterall."
I hate how she says the last part like an afterthought, as if she hasn't considered it before.
"Mm. Well . . . You could drive down one day if you get all your studying done," dad says carefully.
I grin. "Exactly!" I exclaim.
Like that is going to happen. I just hope that Jack forgives me.
When I walk out of their room triumphantly, Philip glares at me. "I envy you," he growls, before bouncing away down the stairs.
-
After they have left, I go and have a shower, then throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. For a while I sit downstairs and ponder what to do, feeling confused and helpless. Every time I look over at Jack's house, my stomach clenches and I realise that maybe I would much rather be at Aunt Sofia's house on the Cornish coast.
I get up to make myself a sandwich, and that's when the door bell rings. He called yesterday, so why wouldn't he call today? A part of me was hoping that me ignoring him yesterday would put him off. It might not even be him.
But it is. When I answer the door, Jack looks almost like he's cringing. I stare at him, and he stares back, and the cold bites at my bare arms and makes his cheeks pink.
"Can I come in? Or do you wanna come out here?"
"My parents are away. Come in."
I shut the door behind him when he steps inside, and then cross my arms. But I can't look at him for long, so I find myself turning my back on him and walking into the kitchen. He follows me noisily, as I start to go back to preparing my sandwich.
"Would you like me to apologise, or do you want to?" I hear Jack ask casually, and behind me he sits down at the table.
I whirl around to stare at him, and he just glances at me out of the corner of his eye.
I've never been asked that before.
Everything that I had prepared to say to him has flown out of the window and my tongue feels like twice its size.
"I- I don't understand how you could even want to come near me," I hear myself mumble.
He slowly lifts one eyebrow. "Is that what you think, or what you want? Do you want me to leave?"
That's the last straw to set me off. I put down my knife I'm using for the sandwich and glare at him.
"Stop asking me questions like that,"
I snap, then find myself storming out of the room, up the stairs, into my bedroom. After it goes silent and I hear nothing but my own breathing and the buzzing of silence, I hear Jack's chair scrape across the tiles downstairs. Then his feet on the stairs.
"I wanna ask you questions too, Jack," I growl when he appears in the doorway of my bedroom, his eyes scanning the place.
But then they land on me, and they stay fixed there.
"Fine then," I hear him snap. It's a strange way of talking, for Jack. But I just stare at him long and hard, glaring.
"What?" I challenge.
"Let's play twenty-one questions," he replies right away, coming to stand in front of me.
"Don't you have to strip?" I hear myself ask in a considerably small voice.
Jack goes on like I haven't spoken. "You can decide whether to ask a question or not, but if you do, you have to remove an item of clothing. And whatever question the other person asks, you have to answer it fully."
Something inside me jolts, and I glance around my bedroom, not knowing what is going to happen. I shrug and place both of my hands on my hips. "Fine then," I respond, copying what he said earlier. "You start."
"Do you really want me to go to university?" He blurts out. I stare at him for a long time - and I wonder for how long he's wanted to say that.
"Of course I do!" I reply incredulously. I watch as he sits down on my bed and unties the shoelace of his converse. He's avoiding my eyes. I gulp and then ask, "Why would you think that?" One question gone.
Slowly, he looks back at my again as he kicks one shoe off. I can't tell if he is scowling or biting his lip. "I had a dream. And it was stupid, but it made me panic. It was the night you came home last Saturday, and you were leaving me because you didn't want me to go to university."
I look down at my bare feet, so I sigh and unzip my hoodie, unable to take anything like shoes off, like Jack. It strikes me that now I only have my t-shirt, jeans, bra and underwear on. I feel heat rush up to my face, as I throw my hoodie onto the floor.
I don't have many questions left. So it isn't really twenty-one questions.
"I can't think of a question right now,"
I reply, with a frown.
I think I see the ghost of a smirk on Jack's handsome face. He slowly takes his other shoe off, staring at me long and hard and untrembling.
"Fine. Why did you not want to talk to me yesterday?"
I sigh. "I thought you were annoyed with me, and what I said."
"I was."
"Well, then, my guess was correct,"
I reply coolly.
"What, are you scared of me or something?" Jack's face softens, and I slowly step forward.
"No."
He takes off a sock.
"What did you think I was going to do?" He demands.
"I just didn't want . . . I didn't want to see you upset. And I thought maybe you didn't want to see me, because I had been horrible," I exclaim, sounding angry. But I'm only angry at me. I run a hand through my hair, and Jack stares at me as he takes his other sock off.
"I'm sorry, though," I finish, softly. I close my eyes. "I'm really sorry."
"You're an idiot, Alyssa," he mumbles.
"I thought sorry wasn't enough. I was annoyed, alright?" I open my eyes again to look at him, to see that he's staring at me like I'm a puzzle he's trying to work out. "I felt awful."
"I've said worse things," he whispers softly, then holds out a hand. "Alyssa, it doesn't even matter."
I watch him for a long time, then smile and walk towards him as he smiles at me. I lean down to kiss him deeply, standing between his legs as he sits there, his hands on my waist.
After some time, he whispers, "I love you."
"And I love you," I mumble, kissing him again. I rest my hands against his chest. "What do you want to do for your birthday?"
"I just want you to be there," he whispers against my neck as he buries his face in it. I feel his hands run under my shirt, and shivering, I remember that I asked a question. I shakily take my hands off of him, to reach for the button on my jeans. Jack's head lifts, and his eyes follow my hands as I undo the button and then unzip, pull down, climb out of. His hand slowly rests against my butt, over the top of my underwear, the very edges of his fingers touching the area that the material doesn't cover.
"Your turn to ask," I hear myself whisper. I sound strong.
He kisses me all of a sudden, one hand creeping between my legs, and parting them so that I straddle him and he falls back onto the bed, and I fall forward onto him. I think maybe he hasn't heard what I said, as he runs his hands down my thighs.
But then, he asks huskily, "Why me? Why didn't you say no, when I first kissed you at Ash's Halloween party?" And my eyes open to stare into the green jungle in his.
"Because, you were always there," I murmur as I assist him in pulling his shirt up, over his head, over his arms. He tosses it to the side as I stare down at his chest and whisper, "Because, Jack, it was so easy to trust you, and so right to trust you. And you listened and made me feel better, and you're handsome and intelligent and helpful and funny, and I want to stay with you forever," I whisper finally.
Slowly, Jack rolls us so that I am underneath, and he leans down to kiss every inch of my face, from my forehead to eyelid to eyelid to nose to cheek to cheek to lips, and I run my hand through his hair, then down his back, as his tongue parts my lips and runs over my own tongue. My legs wrap around his waist, and he slowly runs his hand up them.
"Why me?" I ask him now, after pulling back. He looks down at me for a while, before smiling and resting his forehead against mine.
"I can't stay away from you for too long. You're honest and shy and smart and good-hearted and cute and unpredictable and so sexy and absolutely the most beautiful girl in the world," he whispers, all the while kissing down my arm to my hand, and then back up again, to the sleeve of my t-shirt. My cheeks feel as though they are about to explode.
I can't stop grinning as Jack sits me up, leaning me against him as he pulls my top off with an expert, one-hand grip. For a second I freeze, and wonder how many times he's done it. How many times he cared. But then he lies me down and kisses me again until I forget my own name.
"Fuck you're beautiful." Jack pauses to lean up and his eyes travel down my whole entirety, making me squirm ever so slightly.
I gasp as he leans down, to gently suck on my neck, on the most sensitive spot. My hand flies to his chest, running up his neck and then back down again, until he pulls away - only to begin to kiss down between my breasts.
"Okay," he pants after a while of kissing down my entire body, from my forehead to my knees. I shiver as he runs his hand over my bra, over my breast, and then to my stomach, staring down at me as I trail my fingers down his stomach, the hair which was only very faint and thin becoming thicker as I reach the waistband of his jeans.
"Another question?" I ask innocently, then laugh as he growls playfully.
Then his eyes soften as he stares down at me. Lightly, he whispers into my ear, "Are you a virgin?"
I want to say yes, and be embarrassed like I was when I was a virgin. I want Jack to be the first ever person to have touched me like this.
But ever so slowly, I shake my head, and he leans back to stare at my face whole.
"Who?" He asks, and I'm sure that his voice catches. I reach up to lay my hand against his cheek, and concentration radiates from him.
"It was . . . Will," I mumble, feeling ashamed. "And then in the morning was when he told me what he'd up to. It was awful."
I expect Jack to say a lot of things, or to say nothing. But I don't expect him to just cradle me close and whisper, "I promise I won't do that, Alyssa."
He stares at me eagerly, insistently, until I nod and wrap my arms around him, pressing my head against his chest. Maybe he had already guessed.
"I love you, Jack."
"I love you too," he whispers.
"What about you?" I want to know the answer, but I think that my guess is pretty good. My heart starts to pound as he strokes down my back, then sighs and lifts my chin so that his gaze holds mine as he speaks.
"No. My first was when I was sixteen, and there was this girl in my school. It was at a party." He sighs and shakes his head. "It was a stupid move. I regret it everyday."
"Why."
"Why?" Jack sighs. "Because I didn't love her," he replies. "Or at least, I didn't have any feelings for her. I didn't know her, hardly."
"I thought you've done this with tons of girls," I whisper. To me, I almost sound like a child.
He smiles grimly. "Not tons," he whispers. "Alyssa, they're nothing compared to you. I . . . I wish that you were my first."
"I wish you'd have been mine," I tell him back, and then we're kissing fiercely and I can feel his heart beat against mine.
As I pull his jeans down, I can feel my effect on him. Jack's eyes find mine and he bites his lip slowly.
"Sorry," I giggle. "I just wanted to see if you're enjoying this."
Laughing, he grabs my hand and then quickly places it back over his boxers, then sneaks his under my underwear, causing me to tremble and gasp.
Then everything comes off, and underneath the covers his back feels so strong against my hands and I can feel Jack, and I can smell his addictive nature-y , boyish scent, and I can taste him as his lips move against mine, and every thing is perfect.
-
I think that afterwards I fall asleep straight away, almost, even though it's midday. I wake up to find my arms around Jack's neck, and his arms almost like a shield around my waist and back as my head rests on his chest while he sleeps.
I smile and slowly trail my hands down his chest then feel one of his hands slowly caress my bare back. His eyes slowly open and he glances down at me with a smile.
"Oh I wanna do that all over again," Jack groans immediately, grinning at me.
I feel my cheeks burn straight away, and climb on top of him slowly, smirking as his eyes frantically watch my every move.
"My parents and brother are out of town for the next three days," I inform him as his eyes travel down my naked body. Then I lean down to kiss him hungrily and his hands press against my butt, pushing me closer to him.
"Let's play house," I tell him, pulling away after a while with a grin. "Your dad wouldn't mind you staying over tonight, would he?"
"Not at all," Jack whispers with a grin. I sit up and he sits up too, leaning back against the headboard with a grin. I smile and lean forwards to rest my head on his chest, then pull my duvet over our heads. Jack watches me for a long time, and it's strange because now I feel more exposed when our heads are under here, instead of just our bodies.
-
We watch TV for a few hours, and Jack has me lying on top of him with my head on his chest as he stares at the screen, slowly stroking my back. But every so often our attention is diverted from the TV and we have various conversations.
After that, we order a pizza and Jack puts the radio on. He pulls me up off the sofa as I recognise the song playing - Treasure by Bruno Mars.
"I love this song," I hear myself announce, as Jack laughs and begins to dance with me, and the pair of us move around the room, both of us barefoot, me in his shirt and him only wearing his jeans. I can't help but squeal as he grabs my waist and lifts me up over the coffee table, then spins me under his arm after putting me down on the rug.
At the end of the song I jump up into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. And he leans up to capture my lips with his, and I marvel at the pressure, the force of the kiss. I run my hands slowly through his black curls, as he falls backwards onto the chair, then lays me down, climbing on top of me.
When his hand runs up my shirt I pull away as though burned, because it takes me back to that day in the rainy street, where Will did the exact same thing, to the exact same place on my back. I close my eyes, my hands trembling as Jack asks me what's wrong.
I can't help but think about this perfect day and how it will be ruined if I tell him what happened. I've thought about telling him before, and now, and I don't know how I'm going to do it. But I have to.
"I'm fine," I tell Jack, as he asks me what's wrong yet again. "I'm fine."

---

Sorry if you think that this is crap.

Hope that someone enjoyed reading!

Anyway, I'm trying to get this book finished by the end of summer. If you want to actually read the end and you want me to finish this book then please vote and comment to let me know that people are actually reading this and that they might like what I'm doing.

I'm currently on 'hiatus' but I'm still updating my stories, as you can see. I'll be on 'vacation'/holiday abroad from the 10th August to the beginning of September, so I'm trying to get as many chapters up before I go away. If I don't finish it by then (and I probably won't because I'm going out a lot this summer and my birthday is on August 7), I'll be writing while I'm away and I'll post a huge chunk of chapters of this story when I get back, or maybe some while I'm away if I can get Internet access ;)

Thanks for reading :) SORRY for the majorly long author note.