Broken Wings

Six.

My eyes are closed. I'm just lying here listening to the cars go by at 3am. I can't sleep so I just lay here in the dark wondering what would happen if I had done something different.

Today I walked the halls of my school listening to everyone speaking but it sounded as if I were underwater. I could hear the excited voices and the rushed mumbles of lovers as they said goodbye for their next class. I looked at all the sad faces in the halls. It felt like they spoke to me.
"I'm scared, you know? What if I'll never have what they have?"
"Can anyone see my scars? Hear me scream?"
"Nobody actually cares. We're all alone. Nobody even....."
I hurriedly closed my eyes and ran into my classroom trying to break free of the thoughts. My bracelets banging off each other making loud sounds. I just wish there was a way to stop all these thoughts.
"Maya. Are you okay? You seem distant." She gave me a sad half smile.
"I'm alright. Just got a lot on my mind. That's all."
It took all I had to give a convincing simile of happiness before she walked away. I'm so sick of lying.
The next thing happened in a blur.
I reached into my pocket and produced a knife. Class had already started by then. 'Where did I get the knife?'
People were screaming. I reached up and sliced my throat open and the last thing I remember was a voice.  'Welcome to hell princess'

I sat up so fast I got dizzy. With a shaking hand I grabbed my neck.
There was nothing wrong. It was all skin and a light sweat despite the cold drafts from the window. It was just a nightmare. I looked at the clock. 3:45am it read. It's still morning. The sun isn't awake yet. I laid back down and just stared at the ceiling in the dark, refusing to go back to sleep and face another nightmare.

'You're such a coward' said the voice in my head.
'I know, thanks.'
I replied.