Broken Wings

Thirty Five.

I was sitting in first period. We were given a study guide for our final and we were directed to use our book. I was listening to music. Then it hit me like a boulder on the edge of a cliff being pushed off. I started slowly then went all at once.

I was numb. I couldn't focus. I couldn't even tell if I was breathing. All I felt was my mind being clouded with an invisible fog. Everything was clear but oh so blurry.

Then second period came. I didn't talk. I didn't listen. I just sat in my mind. And I was just mentally exhausted. Mentally asleep. Mentally out of control.

Now I'm in third period. Math class, of course. Another study guide. Another class of book work.

But I have no music.

So as sit here I just think. I'm on autopilot. I know exactly how to do my math work from earlier months. I just sit here. I just feel myself welcoming the darkness unconsciously. Welcoming it like it's an old friend. Like a warm blanket on a below freezing day. I can't even smell anything.

I am the nothingness that surrounds me.

It's as if all the darkness from others leave them. Just to surround me. It tells me I'm all alone. It comforts me like I'm not alone at all, though. I feel every ounce of sadness that could possibly be felt. But all the while...

I feel absolutely nothing.

I'm drowning in this darkness, but I don't even care anymore. I'm only hanging on to everything for my father.
But he passed away.
Six years ago.

He wouldn't want his Princess feeling like this.
Not now.
Not ever.

My only escape is going to my uncle's. They are so alike. I feel whole again when I'm around him.
But this year I can't.

No air.
No more life...

Someone talked to me.
They said they liked my dress.
I smile. And with every ounce I have left I bring the light into my eyes, once again.

"Thanks! My sister crochet the scarf for me. Even the owl!"

Someone else asked if I was okay.

"Yeah. I'm just tired"

But
they'll
never
get
it.