A Fatal Passion Forged In Black ~Motionless In White

~ Chapter 21 ~

Abigail's POV

-

Ricky and Chris are in some deep conversation that I haven't been paying attention to for a while now. I need to pee.

"I'm going to go use the bathroom," I tell Ricky quietly and head downstairs. I find it pretty quickly. When I'm done I just take a moment to try to breathe and calm down. I'm really happy to see Chris again actually. He seems pretty cool now and doesn't seem to hate me. After collecting myself, I head back upstairs to the room we were just in. I find Chris alone siting on the bed, playing on his phone.

"Where did Ricky go?" I ask him and sit down on the bed.

"He said he was going outside for a smoke, but I kind of think he has other intentions," he replies looking over at me.

"Other intentions like what?" I question.

"Balz," he states simply.

"So I'm guessing that he told you..." I say quietly and he nods not looking at me.

"C'mon, let's go find him," he says after getting up off of the bed and extending his hand out to me. We walk through the crowd of people and Chris takes my hand to lead me outside. When the cool air hits my face I feel better, but that quickly passes as I see a swarm of people surrounded around something. I look up at Chris and he nods. He runs over and pushes through the people and I see Ricky on top of Balz; Balz's face covered in blood. Chris easily peels Ricky off of him and Ricky screams at him. He sits him down and walk over and kicks Balz in the stomach and says something to him that I can't make out. Ricky continues to stare at Balz before I run over to him. His face softens as he pulls me into a hug.

"How long have you been out here?" He questions when he pulls away.

"I just came out," I tell him. "I didn't see you hit him."

"Good, I don't want you to see me like that. Ever." He says looking me in the eyes.

"Let's get out of here before the cops show," I tell him and run over to his car. He follows behind and I ask for his keys.

"Give me your keys."

"Why?"

"Because I'm driving," I retaliate and he throws them to me. I unlock the doors and drive off. He stays silent the whole time and I keep glancing back to his bloodied, most likely broken knuckles.

We get back to the dorms and I make him sit down on my bed and grab a bottle of water and a towel. I sit down in front of him, both if us cross legged, and wet the towel. I bring it down to his knuckles and he winces.

"Sorry," I whisper and go back to work. I wipe the clean up both of his hands before seeing his lip. Apparently Balz got one good hit on him. I bring it up to his lips and he flinches and I apologize again. After I finish cleaning his wounds, we watch movies-which is all we ever do- and I fall asleep in his arms.

Two months later

Things between Ricky and I have been going really well for these past couple of months and I'm really happy. School and work have also been going well and yeah, life is okay.

"Thanks for lunch again today Becca, I'll see you Thursday," I tell Rebecca, who is basically my new best friend.

"Oh, it was my pleasure. I'll see you then," she replies with a smile and I head to the elevator. After I get in my car, I try to call Ricky but he doesn't answer. Oh well. Since he didn't answer, I decide to make a trip to the mall. My first stop is Victoria's Secret, in which I find a few super cute pieces of lingerie and may or may not spend a ton of money but whatever. I also head to Express getting some more dresses for work and Hot Topic and get a Slipknot t-shirt, Suicide Silence t-shirt and a The Nightmare Before Christmas blanket, among other things. I walk down to the food court and see a familiar head of blue hair along the way. Victoria, accompanied by someone I wouldn't have expected, Balz. Their hands are intertwined with her head resting in his shoulder. Balz is her boyfriend? She always just called him Josh, so I never exactly made the connection. They both make eye contact with me, he whispers something to her and she laughs. Oh my god. What if she knows what he did to me? What if all this time he and her laughed behind my back? I feel like I'm going to throw up. I decide to approach them for what reason, I have no clue, but it's probably not a good idea.

"Hello Abigail," Balz smirks at me and Victoria giggles.

"Joshua," I respond dryly. I try to remain as calm as possible on the outside, but on the inside I'm putting the worst scenarios together in my head.

"I didn't know you to were together," I say, attempting to spark conversation to get some answers.

"Oh, we've been together for over a year now," Vic smiles at me. "And we tell each other everything."

I don't say anything I just stare at them both.

"Silly Abby, I honestly thought you were smarter than that," she says shaking her head and the sickening feeling in my stomach spikes.

"Apparently I'm the stupidest fuck around, because I thought we were friends," I scoff and they laugh.

"Well I definitely won't disagree with you there. But honestly, you actually thought I was your friend? That's great! But honey, open your eyes. No one would want to be friends with such a pathetic waste of oxygen. Not even your lame excuse of a boyfriend wants you, no one does. I honestly wouldn't doubt if that little car accident was actually a suicide attempt just to get away from you and you poor lil brother. She probably meant to kill you anyway, but oopsie daisy, it didn't work. Now you're just stuck on this planet without a single soul that wants you around. Where's your little Rick Dick now, hmm?" I'm speechless. The one person I finally thought was my friend just stabbed me in the chest and twisted the knife. But the little voice in my head is telling me everything she said is right.

No one wants you around. No one loves you, you're just a little piece of shit left lying for other people to trip over. You're worthless, not even Ricky loves you. Your mom really did mean to kill you, its too bad it didn't work.

I run outside as fast as I can and drive off. The road becomes blurry from my tears, but some how, I manage to make it safely to a hotel room in town. I guess I'll be staying here until I find an apartment because I definitely can't stay at the dorms now. I pull my hair out of my face with a hair tie and wipe all of the smudged makeup from underneath my eyes. I grab my phone just to see if Ricky has called or texted me back, nothing. Told you he doesn't actually give a shit about you. I shake my head and climb out with my bags. The new clothes I just bought should be able to be enough for the next two days. Except I don't have my makeup or hair shit. Dammit.

*Trigger Warning*

I check in to one of the hotel rooms and make my way up. I throw my shit on the floor and my back slides down the door as hot tears come streaming down my face a mile a minute. After half an hour of just crying until it feels like I've swallowed sand, I get up and go into the bathroom. The person staring back at me disgusts me and my fist slams into the mirror. All the shattered pieces of glass scatter around the sink and I stare at them before picking one up and twirl it between my fingers.

No one would care if you killed yourself right now, might as well just do it. The voice in my head spits at me and I think I completely agree. The sharp object glides across my wrist and in moments droplets of red liquid come seeping from my wound and I just stare at it. Another cut is made. Then another one, and another. Before I know it, my arms are just a mess of red and I watch as heavy amount of blood stream down the sink.

Devin. My brother, the only reason I had to stay alive throughout the years, he would be heartbroken, completely disappointed in me. I hastily turn on the faucet until the water turns from red, to pink, to clear and wrap my arms in toilet paper. Tiny red lines start to seep through the thin material so I layer more on. I lay on my bed and wonder if Devin would be okay without me. Of course he would, what does he need me for? Might as well go finish the job.

I shake my head trying to get the voice out. I look at my phone to see if Ricky has called and he hasn't. Wonderful. I lay on my back for over an hour staring at the ceiling wondering how much better everyone's lives would be if I just disappeared. I decide to get some sleep for the night and I turn off my phone. I just won't worry about class tomorrow. Before laying back down, I replace the red soaked paper on my arms and change into one of the band t-shirts I bought today. I curl up under the covers and fall asleep in minutes.