changes

Chapter 4

Holly's POV

I walked in the house and went into the kitchen to see Ma reading her newspaper with a cup of coffee. I made my way toward her and gave her a big hug. She let out a laugh then said "Hey princess. Have a nice time with Lexi?" I nodded then let go of her. I trust my mum with everything and I know she always supports me so I knew I could tell her about my feelings. "Hey ma?"
"Yes darling?" she replied as she took a sip of her coffee. "Can Lexi stay over on Friday as a sort of repayment for last night?" I asked with my fingers crossed. "Of course, she is always welcome in this house!" She replied with a smile. I thanked her then went upstairs to shower. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I stepped in and let the water fall down my back. I closed my eyes as I washed my hair and suddenly Lexi popped into my head. Her naked body was pressed against mine and she was massaging the shampoo into my hair. That familiar feeling of warmth and happiness shot throughout my body but this time there was something else. I started feeling really tingly-especially down stairs. Wait a sec, was I getting turned on? By something I'm imagining? I opened my eyes and she was gone and the tingly feeling was gone. Did that actually just happen? I was breathless and flustered. What is happening to me? Holy fuck. I like Alexis. I want her. In my bed. Oh fuck.

I shut off the water and walked out the bathroom grabbing a towel. I headed for my room but when I walked in I saw Ally on my bed reading a book. "Out." I snapped blankly and coldly wanting to be alone. She scoffed then rolled off my bed as she spoke "And you wonder why you haven't won the big sister of the year award." I wasn't in the mood for games I just realized that I like Lexi-My best fucking friend who happens to be a girl. I didn't reply I just simply stared at a picture of us on my bedside table. She walked out my room then said turning around "What's up with you? You look like you've seen a ghost?" I didn't reply I just simply shut the door on her and flopped onto my bed. I started to cry into my pillow wishing I didn't feel this way. Why did I have to break up with Matt? Maybe none of this would've happened if we stayed together. But then, a part of me is glad I like Alexis. And I don't know why. My tears had become heavier and I was now sobbing. There was a quiet knock at my door which I ignored. After a few seconds ma walked in and pulled a blanket over my bottom half as my bum was on show. She sat next to me then rolled me over before pulling me into her arms. She started rocking me back n forth just like she did when I was little. "Sweetheart what's wrong?" she asked in a sad tone. I tried to stop my sobs and replied "I like Alexis." Mum sighed then said "Well she is your best friend I would be shocked if you didn't like her." I realized mum didn't get it at all so I said clearly "No Ma. I like like Alexis." Mum didn't respond for a few minuets. We just sat in the sound of my cries. Until she cleared her throat and asked carefully "What about Matthew?" I didn't want to explain everything because I would have to tell her about us fucking so I just said "I dumped him last night. He was a dick to me and to Alexis so I broke up with him." Mum nodded then was silent for a minuet before speaking again "Okay well you need to tell her how you feel. I can't help you much with the whole girl on girl stuff because I've never been in love with a girl but try talking to Ally." Ally?? Is Ally gay!?!

Ma let go of me then left my room coming back moments later with Ally. "Jeez what happened to you?" She asked and to which ma nudged her signaling I actually needed help. Ally suddenly turned serious and sat on the edge of my bed. Ma said just before closing the door "Play nice okay? Holly actually needs some help and you're the only one who can help her." And with that Ally turned to me worry struck across her face and asked shakily "Hols what's happened?" I wiped my eyes then croaked avoiding eye contact "I like like Alexis." She let out a sigh then said as she put her arm around my shoulders "Listen sis, I know how you feel. And I know it's terrifying and you think Lexi is going to hate you but I guarantee she won't. Partly because Rachel is close with her and she knows she's gay. And partly because I was in the same situation with Rach but I told her how I felt and you know what the first thing she did after I told her was?" I shook my head looking at her this time. "She kissed me. And the 9 months since that kiss have been the best and happiest of my life. You know what she did after she kissed me?" I shook my head once again so she continued "She asked me to be her girlfriend. And we've been inseparable ever since. So good can come out of it. But I do have one question." I nodded my head then she went on " When did you know for definite?" I rubbed my neck then said after clearing my throat "In the shower. I closed my eyes so the shampoo wouldn't go into them and then an image of a naked Lexi popped into my head. And she had her body pressed against mine and was-" Ally cut me off there loudly "Woah woah too much information. But I understand why you were so touchy when you got out the shower now. Honestly just tell her how you feel. From the heart. And you'll feel a lot better. I promise." I nodded then gave her a hug she was about to leave when I spoke up "Why didn't you tell me Rachel was your girlfriend?" She scratched her head then replied "I er well I didn't think you would um approve you know because your dating the most popular guy in school." I sighed before replying "Of course I approve. All I care about is that you're happy. And anyways I dumped him. He beats up Lexi and he kept on fucking me when I was asking him to stop because he was hurting me. And plus I wanted it to be Alexis on top of me not him." She laughed at the last bit then replied with a sad look "Thank you so much. And he's a scumbag. Don't let him anywhere near you." She gave me one last hug then made her way out my room. As she was leaving I said loudly "And I want you to invite Rachel round tomorrow after school and you are going to introduce her as your girlfriend to me okay!" I could hear the happiness in her voice as she replied back "Whatever you say boss!" I laughed at her then decided to get dressed.

I put on my pjs then plodded down stairs. I walked into the kitchen and saw dinner set out on the table for us, I turned to Ma and gave her a big hug as I said quietly "Thank you so much." Ma laughed at me then replied tapping my nose "My pleasure. Tell Ally dinners ready will you?" I nodded then shouted up the stairs and moments later she came running downstairs. Even though me n Ally are only 11 months apart, sometimes it feels a lot less than that. We all sat at the table and tucked in. Ma was just perfect. Not only was she lovely but she also was an amazing cook and has always been there for us. After dinner we went into the lounge in and watched a bit of tv. Around 9 my phone started buzzing. I opened it and there was an unknown number shown. Ma told me to answer it to find out who it is. So I answered. "Um hello?"
"Hey"
"Who is this"
"Oh sorry it's Lexi." My face turned bright red and again I was vulnerable again "Oh h-hi" I stuttered back. God get your shit together. "You okay? You sound...different." I took a deep breath and decided to be strong. "Yeah I'm cool hey I was just wondering do you wanna come round on Friday?"
"Oh sure I'd love to, sleeping over too?"
"Yeah, great."
"Okay cool. I was actually just gonna invite you round but now I don't have to." I let out a giggle and started playing with my hair "Aww haha yeah, I'd say we think a like but I'm not totally sure about that one." We both laughed then she said with a sigh "I gotta go for dinner now, I wish I could stay talking to you." I let out a sigh before replying "I wish you could too. But I think you better go." She agreed with me then we hung up. I flopped back into the sofa and held my phone on my heart. I closed my eyes and could picture her. I was deep in my imagination when Ally said with a laugh "Jeez you really do like her." I nodded my head then stood up. "I'm going to bed, Night fam." I gave Ma a kiss on the cheek then went up. I went straight to my room and flopped onto the bed. I got under the duvet and pulled a bunch of pillows into my arms. It was the closest I could get to Lexi. I closed my eyes and pictured Lexi in my arms. And with that, I fell asleep instantly. And dreamt of her.