Long Distance Call | tayley ✓

17 | I Can't Stand Another Heartbreak

[Hayley]

I didn't want to hear anything more than I needed to from Taylor. The second that he admitted there were no feelings, I was prepared to hang up the phone. And that was exactly I did. He had begun speaking again, but no part of me wanted to hear it.

He's the first person I've fallen for in a while. Well, saying I fell for him is a bit of an exaggeration. But to say I had, and well, still have feelings is the truth. But clearly, those feelings are unrequited.

This is why I've only been in one relationship before. That wasn't too long ago, but it's something that nobody knows about. Including Lyndsey. Let me share that story. I'm not proud of myself.

Okay, well, I was 21. So as I said, not too long ago. I met someone named Chad, who was 7 years older than me. I met him when I was stressed out about exams that I had the following Monday, and for some reason decided that going out and drinking would ease my nerves. Didn't help any. Anyway, I was out drinking, sitting at the bar, and saw him take a seat beside me after I had taken a shot. He was smiling at me.

He offered to buy me another one, but didn't buy one for himself. After I asked why, he explained that he was straight edge which meant no drinking, no drugs. I sort of admired the fact that he was so dedicated that he could even do such a thing. I'd be too weak. I found it odd that he was in a bar, though.

He had tattoos all along his arms, something I have a weakness for. He had told me the stories behind several of the tattoos that made up his sleeve, and he noticed the ones I had that were visible. He asked about them, and all in all, he made me feel important. When he told me his age, I did not react with such shock, but with excitement. Something about hooking up with an older man seemed a bit arousing.

That night, I had lost my virginity. I regretted it the following morning when I saw an empty space beside me in my bed. But I wanted it, the night that it had happened. Part of me was glad I got it over with. I didn't spend much more time beating myself up over it.

My roommate was not home the night I brought him back to my apartment. She was at another friend's house, so I didn't have to hide it or be sneaky about it. He had left a note on the bedside table, which included his reasoning for leaving and his number.

Anyway, him and I began dating. Whenever I asked him if we could visit his place for a change, he seemed to make up an excuse. Usually he'd claim his place was a mess. Once he said that some of his family was visiting, so we couldn't go there. There were so many excuses, so many that I can't even name all of them.

Yes, I found it suspicious. He also told me that nobody could know about us, and when I asked him why that was, I still did not get a clear answer. More excuses were all I received. I also found it suspicious how he was always so secretive of his phone.

It wasn't until we were months into our relationship, when I had snuck onto his phone and saw a few things I hadn't wanted to see. First, I had seen photos of him kissing another woman. But I tried to make up excuses for him. It was just with his old girlfriend, I suggested to myself. Even though the photo seemed new, I tried to just tell myself that he wasn't with someone else, he just wasn't.

He was in the bathroom during all this, so I had a few minutes to go through it. As if on cue, he received a text from someone named Sherry. I clicked the message and scrolled through the conversation.

Long story short, he was married. He was not cheating on me with her. But cheating on her with me. My immediate reaction was not a pleasant one. I banged on the bathroom door, demanding he come out and talk to me. I told him that I knew, that I knew I wasn't the only one. He tried denying it, but I told him I'd gone on his phone and seen.

And then he blamed me for going on his phone, blamed me for everything. I told him to leave, to not talk to me again, to delete my number. He was leaving, and right before he was about to exit, he said something that I don't think I'll ever be able to erase from my memory.

"I just stuck around because you were a good fuck," he said, and I screamed at him to go. He went, and I haven't seen him since. He had recently followed me on Twitter, but I didn't follow his ass back. I wonder if his wife knows. I doubt it, because when I'd scrolled through some of the pictures he's tweeted with her, they look happier than he seemed with me. He's probably just screwing another vulnerable girl on the side.

He ruined me. I'll admit it, I fell for him. I was in love and it felt so surreal. Worst of all, I was so happy. Because I thought I had found someone that I would be with for a long, long time. I've been scared of entering a relationship since the day I'd discovered I was just a girl on the side to him. He made me feel so important, only to practically stomp on my heart.

But Taylor made me forget about that pain, he instead made me feel important. He enjoyed talking to me. I hope, at least. I enjoyed talking to him, because he made me feel important and like I was a priority.

With a sigh, I go onto my phone, and head onto Twitter. Entering his username, I see that he tweeted just minutes ago.

@itstayloryall: Guess who's got a contract meeting tomorrow. This guy. How much do y'all think I should ask for?

The tweet has 23 likes. Plenty of replies. Above all replies, is one from the guy who Lynn and I had encountered after ordering Chinese food. Jeremy.

@schzimmydeanie: @itstayloryall Ask for a billion pounds. Or whatever is used there. And you better share with me ;l

Taylor will be better off without me now. He has such a bright future ahead of him. He doesn't need me weighing him down.