If We Just Lay Here // Dan Howell

Chapter 24

You walk into the bathroom and take a look in the mirror: you see a girl who looks incredibly worn down and broken. You thought you had hidden behind the make-up and no could see what was actually happening inside you but now you know, it shows. You pull out your concealer, mascara and lipstick from your coat pocket and begin applying it to your pale, blotchy face.

Why are you even trying?

You layer on concealer and thicken your lashes, making you looking slightly more alive and you then apply a tint of red to your lips. After puckering up your lips, you place your make-up back in your pocket and take another look in the mirror.

Most of you is covered up with fakery - matching Hollie. You sigh as you can still see the broken girl hiding behind the mask of colour. You feel like that will never change. It's always been this way. You know that people see it too; some describe you as ill  when they see you or tired but little do they know you always look like this. You hold back the tears welling up in your eyes and take a deep breath.  

Walking out of the bathroom, you see Phil twiddling his thumbs. You walk over to him, making him look up.

"You okay (y/n)?" Phil asks, standing up.

"Yeah" You lie.

"Just so you know that you're not alone nor crazy, I think Dan's made a massive mistake going to help Hollie" Phil says sincerely.

"Thanks" You smile, "Should we get back to the hotel?"

Phil looks confused.

"You want to back there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay then" Phil says, putting on his galaxy coat, "Let's go"

You walk down the street with Phil, silently, when you hear teenage girl screams coming from the other side of the road. You both tilt your head to see about 5 or 6 girls standing and calling for Phil.

"Should we keep going or-?"

"I think I should just quickly say hi" Phil says, walking across the road leaving you alone on the other side.

You watch him take a few selfies with the girls and talk to them, whilst they practically surround and absorb him. You will never get used to this; Dan and Phil are just normal human beings yet people go crazy the minute they say a single word. It's probably because you're just friends with them but you feel as though they are beginning to enjoy the popularity too much.

Phil waves, making them scream and cry again, and then crosses the road returning to you.

"Sorry about that" Phil says awkwardly.

"It's fine"

You continue to walk up the road and when you reach the entrance of the hotel, you stop and just stare at it.

"Everything okay?" Phil asks, stopping next to you.

"I'm scared"

"Of what?" Phil asks, placing a single arm around you.

"The truth"

Phil exhales and looks into the hotel.

"If you're not comfortable of confronting Hollie or Dan right now, we can go to the park for a bit if you want" Phil tells you.

Honestly, the park down the street from the hotel has become yours and Dan's favourite spot and going there with Phil may only upset Dan. You know that he's already upset you by being with Hollie but you'll only add fuel to the fire if you go off somewhere with Phil.