"I'll have coffee" I tell the man standing behind the black bars, it was late at night and no one seemed to be around "I'll have that too" a voice comes from behind me, I turn around and see Renda my old friend from New York, what is she doing here? wait what is this place? this must be a dream "here you go" the man offers me a tiny cup with liquid in it, I need to wake up "don't drink that" I look at Renda again she was holding the same cup and blood dripped from her mouth "run" she shouts and we both start running together wake up Axal I tell myself but I can't, it's like this nightmare meant to last. I see Renda fall and her head hits the floor and shatters into two pieces, I gasp at the scene knowing it was all in my head but it felt so real, I continue to run faster but soon I feel someone grabbing me from my hands pulling it together I scream so loud hoping someone to come and rescue me but dark bodies surrounded me instead and my voice disappears, they suffocate me keeping me in place not able to move and then I catch a glimpse of someone sitting on the ground all I see is his back, he was staring at the fire in front him, I scream again but he doesn't move. I scream louder and louder and he keeps staring.
I finally wake up covered in sweat and my throat dry like there is fire in it, why did this happen? I always realize I'm dreaming and if it's a nightmare I wake up and end it. My alarm clock goes off signaling it was six in the morning get it together I tell myself as I get out of bed to the bathroom, I really want to go and run but my body feel like it's about to collabs and suddenly the vision of Renda comes back, I rush to the toilet and vomit emptying my stomach. As I recover I lean my back to the wall, what is happening to me?
Everything is crumbling down all at once but life is playing with me it's giving me a little torture, but I don't want that... I don't know what I want but I don't want to feel like this and I don't want to be the same person, I want to be changed because I can't be this cold hearted person I pretend to be, that I'm not screaming from the inside and keeping all my emotions inside, I don't want to explode.
I don't realize I'm crying until it hits my lips and I taste the saltiness of my tears "Axal, are you okay?" I look up at Rose and cry even more "no, I'm not" I sob "I'm not okay" she sits beside me and pulls me in her arms hugging me and running her hand through my hair "you are going to be, it's okay to feel shattered for a while. You have been strong all these years it's okay to break down" her words will stuck with me all the time, Roseland may not be the wisest person but she was definitely a strong one and she proved it many times, I feel like my sadness will never end and the pain in my heart will never heal, my heart was on fire the fire was there for so long, long enough I know how to use it."I'm so sorry Rose, I wish I can help you"
"Axal you are already helping me." she says and then we stay there on the floor for a moment "are you free tonight?"I wipe my tears with both of my hands and answer "I don't know but I'm not in the mood to go to college, I'm not in the mood for anything"
"stop with the grumpy mood, we'll go to the movies you, me and Nina just like the old times" when she said the old times Loren comes to my mind and how she always forces us to watch the movie she wants, nothing is the same anymore "yeah okay" she grins at me and stands heading for the door "Rose.." she turns around looking at me "you remember Renda?" I ask "yes, actually I talked to her the other day, her mother passed away"
"What?" I say and a rush of sadness hits my heart for Renda, "yeah a car accident something was wrong with the breaks of the car, her mother was actually on her way to Chicago and no one knew why" maybe that explained my dream "remind me to call her" I say and Rose nods, Renda was never close to her parents or anyone I wonder how she felt right now.
I get ready to go to work although I didn't want to after sleeping almost the entire day, but it was my first day and I didn't want to give the wrong impression especially when I have a boss like Trevor, maybe I should tell his boss about how dick he is. These days it seems like no one is a good person people lost so much of their humanity and I was afraid to be next.
