Unlike me I started the day feeling actual happiness, I listened to music with real words spoken while running and didn't think deeply as I usually do. I felt like a normal eighteen year old girl just going to college in the morning and have a date in the evening and had no worries about dangerous gang that sell weapons.
"Hey, good morning" I say when I walk into the apartment, " good morning" Nina replays and her voice seems to come out from an empty place and now I feel horrible that I was never here for my friends when they truly needed me "want us to give you a ride to school me and Roseland leaving in ten minutes" she asks me and I shake my head yes "just let me go and change".
The drive was thick of silence and awkwardness for me, it's so weird not hearing Roselands' loud voice and laughs, and Nina would be telling her to calm down. I have no idea what to say I was never the one to cheer them, "so how college have been?" I ask trying to open a conversation
"good" Nina answers blankly
"Rose?"
"well Business Administration was not how I expected it to be, it's so fucking boring"
I decide to not speak any further because it seemed no one in the mood. Nina pulls in the parking lot of the law school and I step out of the car "see you guys later" I say waving at my two not so talk able friends, and watch as the car drives away.
I walk to my first lecture and sit in the first row, can't remember what it was about but I remember that the class was interesting and ended fast not like the next one which was really boring it was all about the history of how law was improved through centuries and stuff, no one cares just give me what I need to know to become a good lawyer and get my client out of trouble, that was the way of how I thought back then I didn't realize that if we wanted to solve a problem we have to learn from the mistakes.
It was one p.m when I got home that day Rose was sleeping and Nina in here room reading something, I was starting to feel like they are a complete strangers it's me who always quite and shutting out everyone around me, now it's the opposite. I wonder does it feel bad for everyone to feel they are not worth to keep a secrete and be someone to count on?
As the hours drag on the date with Elias comes closer and I feel both excited and nervous all the dates I have been too was pretty bad I always say yes to the wrong guy. After I took a shower and hardly brushed my hair and curled it I try probably all my clothes then choose to wear a black leather pants and jacket the only makeup I wear is a red lipstick and mascara, I didn't know where he was taking me but I don't think he's the type of guy to take you to dinner in a fancy restaurant. I stare at myself in the mirror and feel how much I have changed in the past few years, I was so childish and wanted to give up on everything and I can't believe that I wanted to end my life, I promised not to go to that place in my mind and I won't and I didn't, this is probably the most thing I'm proud of in myself.
I walk out of the entrance of our building and there I see Elias leaning on his motorcycle dressed in all black, he smiles when he sees me and I turn a shy smile.
"You look beautiful" he says after pulling me into a hug and I feel my heart jumping out of it's place
"thanks, you look good too. Where are we going?"
"surprise"
then I realize that this will be the first time I ride a motorcycle, hope I don't fall and die. Elias hands me a black helmet and I put it over my head then wrap my hands around his torso "ready?" he asks and I nod my head not finding my voice to reply "okay don't let go and hold tight" he steps on some kind of a break then twists the hands of the bike and I hear the loud sound of the engine and then we kick off from our spot so fast, at the beginning I feel so scared and any time I would fall but then I enjoy the rush of adrenaline in me, I enjoy the cold passing wind and feel like racing it. The lights in the street pass like a blur and I dare to let go an arm to remove the black glass of my helmet to see more clearly, the little moments in life like this one was worth living for.
