We sat on the living room floor in front of one another legs crossed at 11:00 o'clock at night.
"So what are your fears? We never discussed that when we were together" I asked her.
"My fears?" I nodded my head 'yes' for her to continue.
"My fear is obscurity" Tati said. I looked at her. This is the moment where I get technical because I am totally confused as to how your fear can be obscurity...
"You have a fear of not being remembered, yet it's inevitable. You can't run from it. There's going to be a point in time where no one is left to remember us. There will be a time when there is no one left to remember Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Beyonce, Rihanna, let alone you. If your fear is obscurity you might as well ignore it. I do. You can't stop what's supposed to happen." I told her.
She looked at me and said, "You were always smart, I was waiting for that girl to show up again"
"So I wasn't acting smart before?" I asked her with my head tilted to the side
"Yes, and also no. You were smart but you made stupid decisions that I know you regret." She told me
"I do regret some things but, at the end of the day you can't change the decisions that were made. For example I regret the fact that I'm not the person I want to be." I said to her.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"Exactly what I said." I told her.
"What about you and your relationship with your mother? Do you regret that?" She asked me, looking directly into my eyes.
"No. I don't regret it, because it's not my fault. She chose to damn near hate me for who I am. I didn't choose to like girls, I was born this way and I truly don't give a damn about people saying I'm going to hell because of liking the same gender. This is my life and I've always lived it the way I wanted to regardless of what anyone had to say." I told her.
For a few minutes she just stared at me. So I decided to start talking again.
"You know," I started as I looked down at the ground "I made a promise to myself to never end up like anyone in my family. I made a promise that I would graduate high school, and go to a college far away from Kansas City, because when I leave I don't want to come back. I would always want one my friends or someone I care about to come with me, but they actually have people here, that loves them..." A few tears fell from my face as I continued "I on the other hand don't, I don't have anyone that will sit with me and say, 'Don't leave me, I love you too much for you to go'. I sit at home thinking at night maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe tomorrow I will run into a complete stranger and they will care more about me than anyone else has. But those are just dreams you know? It's not reality, and somehow I refuse to believe that it is. That's just who I am though. I can't help but to have these fantasies in my head that I know will never happen." I finished.
"Don't leave me, I love you too much for you to go." She told me. I just sat there and shook my head.
"I'm being serious Aqua. Don't leave me." She said.
"I'm sorry but I have to go. There's nothing for me here." I told her.
"Well if you leave, make room for another person because I'm coming with you. You go, I go." She said.
I looked into her eyes and I couldn't tell if she was being serious or not. So for now I just trusted that she was. I pulled her closer to me and I just sat there with my head layed on top of hers and my arms around her. She sat there in my arms her hand on top of ours. The silence being perfectly fine between us.
"Why aren't you the person you used to be?" She asked me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You used to be so trustworthy and down to earth. Our conversations were amazing we talked about any and everything. We even once talked about the stars and the planets." She told me.
"I was taught to never show emotion so I just eventually disappeared. I transformed into someone I thought was normal, someone I thought everyone would love." I said.
"Yeah I get where you coming from." She told me in a low voice.
"But no matter who you are you can't always count on people to be there for you, because in the end no one really shows up." I said.
She nodded her head, and we just sat and thought some more. About life, about where we want to be, who we have become.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked her.
"Sure what is it?" She asked me
"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" I looked at her.
She looked at me and said "I don't know"
I was quiet. I didn't even want to say 'oh' or 'okay' I just decided to sit there. Everybody plans to be somewhere in life. You can plan in elementary. middle or even high school. But no one really knows where they'll end up. You may think that you will end up marrying the love of your life, in your dream house, with 2 beautiful kids and a little dog named Sammy. But in reality you may end up working in a strip club with your stage name being Trixie. There is no right or wrong answer to what your future may hold. You can't predict the future and if you can please let me know. While we were sitting there, there was a knock at the door. I looked at Tati. "Stay here I'll be right back" I said to her. She nodded her head and din't say a word. I walked to the door and looked out the peephole and didn't see anything. I grabbed my bat that was by the door. I opened the door ready to swing and nobody was there.
I looked around and noticed a small box on the porch. I stepped outside and looked around, I didn't see anyone. I grabbed the box and took it inside. I took it into the living room where Tati was.
"What is that?" She asked.
"It was left on the porch." I told her. I set it down and began to open it.
"No don't! What if it's a bomb." She yelled.
"Well it can blow me up." I said to her, and continued to open the box. Inside was just a note card with a number written on it. I picked up my phone and began to dial the number. While it was ringing I put the call on speaker. After a while it stopped ringing and I heard breathing on the other line.
"Who are you and what do you want from me?" I asked into the phone with a strong voice.
"I want you my darling." The voice said.
"Who are you?" I asked
"Well, I'm unknown." The voice said. I looked at Tati and we had the same 'Oh sh*t!' look on our face.
Sh*t just got real.............
