TAKEN: From a Prisoner to a star

19 (Part 2)

"We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time." – T. S. Eliot

Beyonce POV:

I woke up in the morning remembering the events of the night before, or earlier in the morning, I'm not quite sure of what time it was when I awoke to the sight of a broken man sitting up beside me. I'm not sure what time it was when he finally stopped crying; having already made my top wet with his tears and fell asleep in my arms. I couldn't fall asleep even then, I looked down at him and watched as he held onto me tightly, and he let his fingers grip so tight onto my top that he pinched my skin a little but I didn't say a word. I didn't mention the fact that he was pinching me, or that he was far heavier than I had expected, or that he was laying awkwardly on my leg and it hurt very badly or that the wet all over my chest made me very cold. I didn't pay much attention to it all after a while when I knew that this wasn't about my needs or how comfortable I was. That moment was all about him. Every last bit of it, it was about me providing him with comfort and care. It was about me showing him that he was not alone and that he could rely on me the same way I did him. Only when he loosened his grip on me did I know he was okay for now and I was able to fall asleep because If he hadn't and I was worried at all, I wouldn't. I wouldn't dare close my eyes for one second if it meant that there was a possibility of me leaving him in his moment of grief when he needed me the most. That wasn't going to happen. I couldn't let it.  But now as I look down at him he seems so calm and collected, so care free and content. I knew that the moment he opened his eyes that would all be over, because the thing he had been hiding for so long was out. He wanted his uncle back, he wanted the man who had raised him, he wanted the man who told him to put on a scarf when it was cold and cooked him his favourite meal and made him laugh when he was sad. He wanted that man back but there was no way of him getting him because he was dead. He had been killed so that no one would need to live in fear of him but now all Jay can do is live in remembrance of him. I'm hurting because I know he's hurting, I wish I could look at him and tell him how much I love him but I just can't do it because somehow my words just can't explain how much I want to be with him. How much I want to be there for him. But, he's going to wake up and when he does we'll be getting ready because I have to leave to get to my meeting and he has a plane to catch because he's still on tour. The very thought of being without him again provokes something In me, makes me want to beg him to stay just a little longer but I can't. But, he needs me. But, he's got a job to do. But, he's not in the right state of mind. But- No more buts. We have to do what we have to do, although it hurts and I'm going to miss him and worry about him... and love him. 

I wish i could look in your eyes

And tell you how i feel

Right now inside

Baby i know that it's real

So real so real, so real

How i wish i could be with you

How i wish i wish i wish i could be with you right now

Every morning, every afternoon, every night

I wanna be with you

It don't matter if we go to the park or watch a play

Stay in the hotel room all day

I just wanna be with you

I love everything about you

From your old school tennis shoes

To the way you move when you're dancing with me

Do you remember our first kiss

It wasn't long enough

Remember the first time