August 3, 2013
LOST
I am scared. I have been scared before but this is a different type of feeling. Conflicting emotions are overwhelming me. It brings me to the point where I am definitely lost. I do no longer know what to do. I am confused. I cannot move. It seems to be harder for me to breathe. There are a lot of sleepless nights and restless days. It is difficult for me to smile and be positive in life. I am trying my best to let go of the fears that I have. These irrational fears are hindering me to experience life. But actually, my greatest fear is experiencing life itself. I am afraid of rejections. I am afraid to be disappointed. I am afraid to fail. I am hoping that life would be easier on me. I have dreams and goals that I want to accomplish. And day by day, disappointments after disappointments, these future possibilities are slowly slipping away from me. It seems that they are turning to be difficult to hold on. Hope is disappearing in my life. I am becoming idle and stuck and stagnant. I never thought I will be this weak. I have learned to be strong. I have conquered the challenges that were thrown to me before. Now, I am questioning myself where could be the strength that I have gained from my experiences. How will I ever get it back? Will I ever be stronger than I am now?
There is a part of me who wants to fight. Throughout these months that I have feeling lost, there is a part of me that keeps on nudging me to face my reality. It keeps on telling me to fight. It makes me forget and let go of the fears. But once unfortunate events struck me, I crumble back to the weakling that I am. And this time, the frustration, the disappointments, and the pain that I have experienced really hit me bad. I do no longer want to stand. I do not want to feel pain. I do not want to wait and in turn be frustrated and be more disappointed. I am now afraid to have a shot in life.
I am afraid, even scared to death. I have an idea of what to do. I know that I can do something to gain more confidence in me. I believe that I can still hope for the best and this situation is only temporary. I just wish that I can muster the courage to stand up and face the world. I hope I could find myself again and be the person I should be.
YOU ARE READING
Bits of Me
Kısa HikayeI never tried writing before, but i do love to read. This book is like a journal to me. It is a collection of personal entries or stories that I really wanted to put into writing. I do not expect that any one will check my works. But if you are read...
