Illegal badass

Chapter 8- Hangovers, Narnia and Spiders

I woke up to me being spooned like an Amardillo, I groaned as I felt my throat was dryer than a nun's asshole, and my head was banging like I'd been listening to Rebecca black on repeat.

The beauty of hangovers, my brain finally flickered on and came to the relisation that i live alone and I was pulled into some dudes crotch so tight you'd think we were siamise twins. I quickly pounced from the bed like it was on fire and headed into my closet, and grabbed something in my closet which felt like my dad's ak-47.

i gripped it, shut my eyes tight, and shot continuously at the figure sleeping in my bed. Until i heard a low chuckling coming from my bed, I opened my eyes to see the annoying manw**** in my bed. I looked down to see the reason of his laughter was the bubble gun I'd picked up by mistake.

"Not the best weapon choice, but I'll surrender anyway, you have the permission to strip search me and I have the permission to remain sexy" his low sexy hoarse morning voice boomed, I held my head in pain.

This hangover has to be the worst yet, funny how i say that, then i swear I'm never going to drink again, that but that lasts as long as a fart because the next thing i know, I'm chugging down vodka like it's water

"I advise you don't annoy me, I am not a morning person, I'd be a morning person if morning happened around noon" I croaked " and I'd be a morning person if noon happened with a girl's mouth around my d***" he retorted.

"that's tough talk for a dude gayer than justin bieber" I replied, "how dare you f***ing say that" he spat standing up in front of me,"what I'd go lesbian for that girl" I said smiling ever so slightly "and I'd go harder than a nokia brick phone for you" he responded

"That's a great comparison since your d*** and a nokia is about the same size, I'm not sure the nokia might be bigger, its a tough call" I mocked Jason looked exhasporated "no we both know your lying my d*** is like a traffic cone in my pants" he retorted like what i just said is an abomination.

"Your d*** is harder to find than waldo" I said narrowing my eyes "I don't think this is hard to find, it's like my own land mark" he said unbuckling his belt, a sly smooth smirk formed on my lips as I sauntered over and wrapped my arms round his neck.

Jason's eyes flicked down to mine I pulled the 2 ends of his belt, Jason's breath was quickening because of the way i was taunting him. I licked my lips slowly and pulled his head closer. And when he was least expecting it, I quickly brought my knee in between his crotch and kneed him so hard, his 'family jewels' had probably been ground to glitter.

Jason screeched a womanly scream and held his crotch writhing in pain, and i swear i saw a tear fall? Jason ran to the door "now you've woken up the dragon" he shouted using the tone that nearly got me s***ting bricks in the same spot in my bedroom, "what you mean that tiny lizard in your pants?" I mocked Jasons looked at me like i ran over his puppies.

Hmm maybe i will run over his puppies, and I'm taking about the peanut sized puppies he's managed to infest the entire female population at north high with. Ibleaped into my bed and i let my covers envelope me, I love my relationship with my bed, it's no strings attached we just sleep together every night, my alarm clock is clearly jealous of our relationship.

I quickly dozed off, but I suddenly woke up drenched like i took a dive in seaworld. I looked up to see the annoying player smirking smug "what's up with you getting me wet all the time?" I growled frustrated and realised how wrong my sentence just sounded.

Jason grinned tauntingly "I guess I get b****es wet" he relied smug I rolled my eyes " why did I wake up next to you this morning?" I asked rubbing my head "Mackenzie we both know how I ended up next to you last night" he said sugesstively "even if i was higher than wiz khalifa I would never do anything with you" I spat knowingly.