Chapter 69

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Red brings up a book from the basement. Steps Forward: Finding Courage and Confidence to Make Big Changes. Shovels it to Gus.

"Is this for me or you?" Gus says.

"It's for Mary Reynolds. This was on her bookshelf when we were at her place. Remember that?" Red says.

"Not really. I was more concerned about the fridge," Gus says.

Red taps the cover of the book. "Open it. Read the dedication," he says.

Gus flips the book open. Finds the dedication. Reads it out loud. Red moves his lips with the words.

"Mary, I can't wait for our new life together. Red," Gus says. Thumbs through the book. Returns to the dedication. "Well, ain't that a kick in the head. You and Mary really are a thing."

Red nods. Feels good to tell Gus about it. More than his therapy downstairs last night.

"We haven't talked much since Wil left," Red says. "But we're still a...thing. I guess."

Gus folds his hands. Leans back in his chair. Seems satisfied to come upon this news. Proud of himself.

"So what's the deal?" Gus says.

Red says, "Mary and Jon were at the end of their marriage anyway. Wil comes over to help clear a frozen grain bin Jon rents to Joe. Then the accident happens. Jon dies."

Gus refills Red's cup of coffee. "Yep, I know about that part already."

Red says, "Watching Jon die did something to Wil. He stays with Mary for a while. Starts pulling out his eyelashes. Sleepwalking at night. Not in a normal way, either."

"What do you mean?" Gus says.

"Mary said he'd pound on windows at night. Shout nonsense. Ran in the prairie in his bare feet. No kidding, middle of the night," Red says.

Gus looks surprised. "All this in his sleep?" he says.

"Right. The doctors diagnosed him with post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. Probably from watching that accident. The eyelash pulling, that's a symptom. Trichotillomania," Red says.

"Was there any treatment for this? Therapy?" Gus says.

"Not around here. Wil's too stubborn anyway. He had a hard time believing what he did at night. Couldn't remember doing them. Hell, couldn't remember half the things he did. Mary would show him the broken windows. The cuts on his body. Wil only admitted to weird dreams," Red says.

Gus plucks an eyelash out. Jerks upright in his seat.

"Why would you want to pull out your eyelashes?" Gus says.

"I guess it feels good to Wil. A release. I read a couple articles about it," Red says.

"What about the book?"

"Mary called me whenever Wil was acting up. One thing lead to another. Grieving widow. A helpful lawman. You get the picture," Red says. "Got her the book as a means to our new life. Wil offing Joe and Elma put a wrench into that."

Gus rifles the pages of the book. "Damn. I had no idea."

Red stares at the ceiling again. Eyes trace the outline of water stains where the wind pushed the rain inside a couple years back. Keeps his face out of view.

"Wil came and went. Worked some odd jobs. Practically lived at the bar in Betrug. I kept an eye on him, follow him around. He'd clear squatters off fields. Out-staters. Meth heads. Got rougher and rougher with people. He met up with Joe one day. Wound up killing both him and Elma," Red says. Exhales loud and long. "Can't help but feel responsible for this mess."

"Damn, Red. I had no idea," Gus says. "You have no reason to feel guilty, though."

"I shouldn't, but I do. I actually trailed Wil out to Joe's place. That's why it was such a coincidence when I spotted Wil tearing out of there. I just didn't know how to tell you until now," Red says. "The blood may as well be on my hands. It happened on my watch."

"Now I get why you were so eager to hire help to find Wil," Gus says. Thinks of the red envelope. The land grab the feds offered him. "It's better that other people are handling it now."

Gus offers another donut to Red. They eat for a bit. Silence.

"You ever wonder about Joe? Seems kind of odd, doesn't it?" Gus says.

"How's that?" Red says.

"Joe rents a grain bin from Jon. Jon dies clearing the bin. Wil kills Joe," Gus says.

"I think about it all the time," Red says. Takes a bite of donut to disguise the look on his face.

"Maybe there's more to why Wil killed Joe than we know," Gus says.

Red doesn't respond. Chews his food. Thinks how this confession should feel cathartic. It doesn't.

There's still plenty left to feel guilty about.

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