Heartbreak

All My Fault

"We have done as much as possible, but there is a lot of alcohol in his system. We have pumped his stomach, its just a matter of waiting for him to wake up," the doctor flipped his clipboard shut. Mrs. Turnner grabbed my shoulder for support, I just stood still.

"As in comatose?" I asked.

"Yes," the doctor replied before he slipped into the hallway and far away from the waiting room

"I can't breath," Mrs. Turnner said, her grip tightened on my shoulder to a point where I wanted to scream. I couldn't though, I was still frozen in spot. My heart raced and my mind went to a thousand different places. The future hung on a line strand above my head, from where I stood it was dark, cold and lonely. 

My phone rang in my pocket, throwing me back into reality. Everything seemed frozen when I pulled the phone out and answered the call.

"Cassy? I got Tyler here safely. Tell Mrs. Turnner he fell asleep on the couch," Mitch whispered softly through the phone.

"I will," I said.

"Okay, call me when you want me to  pick you up," he said before hanging up. I repeated the message to Mrs. Turnner who was now sitting on a chair. She clutched her stomach like she was holding herself together. I gave her a reassuring smile before walking down the hallway. Everything seemed disconnected, like the halls were moving. My world crashed down on me with every step I took.

Nothing could prepare me for when I got to Drew's room. He lay on the bed, tubes hooked up to his body. I was aware of the slow heart monitor, beeping with the rhythm of Drew's heart. I sat on a the chair near the end of the bed.

Never did I think I would see Drew this vulnerable, I had seen him at his absolute worst, but, this was the seam that broke and I broke it. I took a knife to it, I should have never even considered moving away. I then bowed my head and cried like the foolish little girl I was.

It was my fault that the only boy I ever truly loved is in a coma.

It was my fault that my brother had to drop out of school.

It was my fault my dad hated me.

It was all my fault and there was absolutely nothing I could do but cry. Soon I drifted off to sleep.

"Cassandra?" Mitch nudged my shoulder. I blinked a few times, blinded by the lights.

"What time is it?" I asked as I whipped off the last of my tears.

"About noon," he said. "Mrs. Turnner went home last night not long after the doctor spoke to you guy. She needed to get Tyler home. She might be here later."

"Okay."

My eyes landed on Drew, he was still the same way I last saw him. My breath caught in my throat and I desperately tried not to cry.

"I'm going to go get you some coffee," Mitch pealed himself off the wall and walked into the hall.

I moved my body to sit beside Drew on the bed, careful not to touch any cords.

"If you can hear me-" I paused, feeling foolish, then I kept going. "I want you to know that I am sorry. I'm sorry that I ever phoned you that night. I wish I never went to the willow tree. I should have gone straight to Misty's. I am not saying this because I don't care for you. I am saying this because I do, I never wanted this nor did I want to hurt you. Every time I get close to someone I care for something bad happens."

Not expecting a reply I turned my head away. A few seconds of staring at the floor ended when I heared a light sigh. My head shot up toward Drew but he looked the same as he did a few minutes ago. Thinking Mitch was back, I looked at the door, but it was empty.

There was hope.

Over the next few days that hope became almost non-existent. No other signs came that he was going to awake. The beeping of his heart on the monitor kept going, friends, family and nurses came and went, I never left though. Mitch brought me food and even once I change of clothes. After a week he refused.

"Cassy you have to leave at some point," Mitch argued.

"What if he wakes up alone?" I asked.

"I'll be here."

"But you're not me!" My head hurt from stress. Bang, bang, bang, bounding inside my head. I did need real food and a shower.

"Fine. If anything happends, I mean if he breaths funny, you call me."

"Of course," he nodded toward the door and threw me his truck keys. I hesitated at the door, but continued on. Things went too fast outside of the tiny hospital room, before I knew it I was in the parking lot. Putting my head down, I ran to the door hoping not to look at anything but the ground.

Once inside the apartment I went toward the elevator. I wasn't happy to see an 'out of order' sign on it, reluctantly, I walked up the stairs. It wasn't long before I was in the apartment.

"Hi, mom," I said. Mom was in the kitchen making herself lunch.

"Hi Casey. Any news?" she asked as she turned the stove off.

"Nothing," I sighed, I ripped my jacket off and threw it on the couch.

"I'm worried about you. You're not taking care of yourself. Go shower then come eat something real," she demanded. I did as she said. The water felt so good against my skin but I didn't want to take to long. I needed to get back to Drew.

I quickly threw on a new pair of sweat pants and a tank-top before I sat at the kitchen table. Mom put a bowl of homemade soup in front of me. I remembered it from when I was little, she would make it whenever I was angry or upset. It helped me relax back then, right now it had the same effect. I ate slowly, almost dreading going back to the hospital. I wanted to see Drew when he was awake, seeing him just laying there made me want to get sick. But I had to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up.

So, I was back at the hospital within a half an hour. I nodded my head to nurses and they smiled sympathetically back. I started to be known around the hospital. Everyone knew me as the ex-girlfriend of the comatose boy. They didn't know my name or half my story, but still they pitied me.

"That was fast," Mitch said as he arose from my chair.

"Yeah, well I didn't want to leave in the first place," I smirked.

I looked over at Drew and my stomach flipped. I took a seat in my chair and watched him for a moment.

"Why can't you just wake up?"

Then he moved.