Love Letters || Nessie

9 - Worthy

Nicki grinned at me when I emerged back into the living room. And when I sat on the couch, she immediately pounced on me and kissed me.

"Nicki, please," I said, pushing her away.

"What's wrong?" She asked, frowning.

"Luke dumped me," I admitted.

A short silence fell between us, with the exception of the thunder outside. Even though Luke didn't treat me the best, I still felt bad that we weren't together.

"It's all my fault," I heard Nicki whispered.

Then I looked over to see her covering herself up. She shook her head, looking distraught.

"I'm a home-wrecker!"

"No you're not! We weren't even married, Nicki. I chose to be with you," I explained, holding her face in my hands.

"But..." She began protesting.

"Shut up," I softly told her, and she fell silent. "Nicki, this is my fault. Don't blame yourself, because I jumped into this, knowing full well what I was doing. Even though I had my suspicions, this was still wrong. And I knew it."

"I helped you, though."

I gazed at her for a few seconds. "We should get dressed."

"Okay."

We went back to her room, and I borrowed shorts and a t-shirt from her. We both took turns showering, and Nicki dressed in yoga pants and a shirt.

When we got back downstairs, Nicki looked out the window. "It's starting to die down. But it's late. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm just tired."

Nicki nodded, and we went back to the back of the apartment.

"So, do you have a spare bedroom?"

"No," Nicki replied as we reached her room. "I was going to let you sleep in my bed and I sleep on the couch."

"But this is your house," I protested. "You should get the bed."

"You're my guest. And guests need to be comfortable."

"I--"

"Jessica, you're sleeping in here whether you like it or not," Nicki demanded.

I smiled down at the small woman in front of me. "Thanks, Nicki."

"It's no problem. Now, get to sleep."

I bent down to kiss her cheek softly. "Goodnight, Nicki."

"'Night, Jessica."

Nicki left the room and I climbed into her bed. Never would I have thought to meet Nicki. Or to be at her house, in her bed. Or to have broken up with Luke because we were both cheating.

I buried my face in the pillow that had Nicki's scent. The press was going to be all over this when it gets out. And everybody will judge me even though they won't know the full story. And Nicki will be dragged into this. It'll be all my fault.

I reached for my phone on the nightstand and tried to call Luke. It went straight to voicemail, so I hung up and turned the phone off. Then I turned over and tried to fall asleep.

~

"...Baby, wake up," I heard a soft voice in my ear.

I smiled and opened my eyes, expecting to see Luke. But it was Nicki. Everything that happened last night was real.

Despite everything that's happened between us, I still loved him, weirdly. Because the good things he did for me was still in my mind. He used to be the one to take me out on lunch breaks; the one who took me to romantic dinners; the one who I couldn't wait to see when I came home.

"Jessie, are you okay?" Nicki asked, pressing the back of her hand to my forehead.

That was the first time she's ever called me by my nickname. I started to smile slightly as I sat up.

"I'm fine," I told her.

"You're really not. Was it because of last night?"

Hesitantly, I nodded.

"You regret it, don't you? I'm sorry I pushed you, I thought you wanted it also--"

"No! It's not that! It's what happened afterward..."

Nicki's face fell in realization. "That's even worse. I understand if you hate me and all, and I can just leave."

"This is your house," I started to grin at her.

"Yeah, but I can't kick you out. So I'll kick myself out, if you want."

She really was the most adorable thing ever. I pulled her close to me and rested my forehead on hers.

Maybe it was a good thing Luke broke up with me. Because I don't think I could've done it myself. I'd end up not doing it, then cursing myself later for not being strong enough.

And it was good all the others cheated on me. Because I found someone who cares so deeply for me, she'd rather kick herself out of her own house than kick me out.

"Don't cry," Nicki whispered, wiping my face.

I hadn't even realized I was crying. Crying about the break-up still. How could I still love him when I'm with Nicki? Was I even Nicki's girlfriend? Did she consider me to be?

"He didn't deserve you, baby. You're too special, Jess. Only the best deserve you."

"You're the best," I mumbled.

"No, because I don't even deserve you."

My heart swelled at her words. She said she didn't even deserve me. That I was worthy of the best.

I gazed into her eyes as she did mine. And no matter how much Nicki told me not do it, and no matter how upset I was over my recent breakup, I realized something.

I was in love with her.