Letters

**Unsend Letters (and probably will never be send) Draft #1

From: maryanne017@yahoo.com
Draft: Saturday, March 5, 2016 2:17 AM
To: francisgilbert24@yahoo.com
Subject: (no subject)

Hey. It's been a long time since we talked. Honestly, you never crossed my mind in years until I saw you yesterday in a grocery store. Still got the same beanie, huh? And the same smirk. You still got that charm that I'd loved so much before. I know it's been so long. Heck, it's been a gazillion years! But I don't know... maybe it's the idea of not being with you for a long time. Maybe it's because I missed you. Or simply because we didn't had a closure.
It's been years but I still stumble on words. I still don't know when to use the right words. I guess some things don't really change huh?

Are you still wondering what happened? Well, don't get me wrong. It didn't crossed my mind until I saw you again. Now, I can't stop thinking about it. About what might be the reason why we stopped loving each other. Why it didn't worked out when all I can remember was we were trying to make it work. I can't help but keep thinking why we decided to stopped loving each other and start hurting each other.

Is that possible? To forget your love for someone until you came across to something that reminded you of him or her and then suddenly, you remember the feeling again? Suddenly, all you can think about is the smell of his hair when you two were at the park, watching the night sky. The way he strums the guitar. His effort of making you smile through singing a song to you even though he can't sing. The flowers he gives to you whenever you're sad. The way he takes care of you.

All I can remember and think about right now is you. And if you're asking me if I'm regretting about my decision before, of our decision before, yes. Everyday. It has always been there you now— my regret of not fighting the thing that I should've fought the most. It's just in the back of my mind but it's there. It never goes away. And the feeling is scary. Really scary. And dangerous.

I should've fought for you. Ever since I saw you in that grocery store, I can't stop thinking about my regret of not fighting my love for you. I never should've let you go. I never should've allowed you to leave. I should've tried again. But no, I wasted my five years of doing nothing. I wasted those years of not even bothering to contact you. I wasted you. And all I can think about is how unfortunate our timing was.

Can we still make it work? Can we still go back to the way it used to be? Can it still work? Should I try? Should we try or start over again? Should I call you now?

I keep thinking about the night I left you in the rain, saying the words "I love you but our love isn't enough for this to work. I'm sorry." and I can't deny the fact that I was so stupid to utter those words. I was so stupid to break your heart just because you hurt me. I was so stupid to stop trying. We were so stupid to give up on each other easily. Why did we stopped loving each other? Why did we chose to hurt each other instead? Why?

I wish I'll have the guts to send this to you. I'm not even sure if this is still your email.

But... I just want to know if we can start over again?