Letters

Draft #5

Vince,

I was surprised when I received your message. After 4 months of nothing, nabuhay ka ulit! You said you were sorry for everything that's happened. That you fucked up big time.

I wasn't really sure how or what to react. Kaya hanggang ngayon, nakatitig parin ako sa message mo. Hindi ko alam kung rereplayan ba kita or what? There's a part of me that wants to talk to you, but there's also a part of me that doesn't. Don't get me wrong, I've moved on. I'm perfectly happy and contented with my life now. I'm happier than before. 

But when after reading your message, everything came crashing back to me. The way you hurt me. As if, wala akong halaga sayo. As if hindi mo ako minahal. 

You cheated on me, Vince. And I don't know how long it's been going on. Kung hindi ko pa nakita yung text message sa phone mo, hindi ko pa malalaman. I should've seen the signs. The way you avoided me. Na you were always distracted. You were always busy. But I stick with you kasi inintindi kong you've been under a lot of stress that time. Graduating tayo pareho, at naiintindihan ko ang pagka-busy mo. But ako, I always find time to spend with you. I should've known. 

It was all there. 

It was written in your eyes; hindi mo na ako mahal. But of course, I convinced myself na mali lang ako ng hinala. Fuck, 5 years Vince. You've known me since high school and we've been together since then!  Ganon mo kadaling tinapon lahat.

Hanggang ngayon hindi ko maintindihan kung saan ba ako nagkulang. 

And now you're here again, asking me how I've been. 

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. 

It's been almost a year, and you still manages to mess everything up.

Masaya na ako e, pero bakit nandito ka na naman?

Ella