Living In A Godless World

Trials

I haven't written on this in about a year... but I wanted a place to write about what's been going on in my spiritual life in these past months.  I've experienced a lot of trials and my faith has been under a lot of pressure but hopefully things will turn out okay.

God blessed me with a wonderful boyfriend.  He's been great, but throughout the ten months we've been dating, I hadn't noticed but I'd accidentally let him take over a special place in my heart that he shouldn't -- God's part.  When God was number one in my life, I always had a solid rock to count on, a Father whose love never failed and Someone to listen to me and guide me.  But when I let my boyfriend take that spot as number one in my life, things started to crumble around me.  My faith in God weakened day by day and I felt myself falling into sin way more often.  I put my trust and faith in a person instead of God, and since no one is perfect, he made some mistakes and broke my heart a few times.  I felt like my relationships were failing all around me and my life was spinning out of control.  My senior year of high school is coming up, I've had fights with practically all of my friends, my boyfriend is going off to college and my family is struggling financially.  I felt like I was in way over my head.

A few days ago I decided to go for a run to clear my head.  I promised myself that I would pray about the things that had been bothering me while I ran but I kept putting it off until I ran so far I collapsed.  Finally I cried out to God and confessed that I had let someone else take His place... my boyfriend, a mere human who could never fulfill the longing deep inside me for the love of God.  I gave up that day.  I gave up putting my faith in a person, and I told God I was moving it back to Him alone.  In the days since I've still been struggling with the stress of so many changes in my life.  I still have doubts about my faith in God.  I'm still scared for when my boyfriend moves away for college.  The main change is that I've chosen to trust that God has a plan in all this and that these trials will only strengthen me.  I pray that I can endure them and continue to live for God despite the uncertainty and pain.  If you are going through hard times in your life I encourage you to spend some time with God... just talk to Him and tell Him what's happening.  He already knows and He wants to help.  God never promised an easy life... but I trust that His love for us makes everything we go through worth it in the end.

James 1:2-4  

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.