Since You've Been Gone

Chapter 4

After yesterdays visit with Karen, I didn't go back much. Number one, college had just started. Number two, he would be gone by tomorrow. I still miss him and cry a lot, but he'll be in a better place soon.

I did go back the next day, though. So I could say the final goodbye. I walked in and sat down. I couldn't stay long, my college classes started in fifty minutes. "In case you do go, I just wanted to tell you I miss you and I love you." I stroked his hair and squeezed his hand. Tears lightly streaked my cheeks. I miss him a lot. I kissed him. I really wanted to stay. But class started now in 30 minutes. 

I pulled into the campus parking lot. It was still early. I parked the car and cried. Just sat there and cried. He was gone. This was my first boyfriend, and he was already gone. I was so depressed. I just wanted to stay at home. I wanted to call someone and bring him back. I wouldn't date this year, or any year, that is. I could only think of that first night. I possibly saved his life. He rescued me from a deep black hole. I was still crying when I had this idea. After he was buried, after his funeral, I would leave notes at his grave. On why and how life was nothing without him. Quickly, I grabbed a notebook and pen from my glove compartment. I wrote the first note. This is what it said:

Dear Josh,

You have no idea how hard it has been since you passed. I never wanted you to go to the army. My greatest fear was losing you. And that's exactly what happened. As soon as I got the call that something terrible had happened, I shut down. You were my world. You never knew how much I loved you. The first night you were in the hospital, me and your mother didn't leave. It was too hard. You were my life. I haven't stopped crying since. I still remember that first night. I fixed your arm. The sunset was beautiful on that night. I have a picture of that sunset on my phone. Every time I look at it, I think of the first night. College classes start today. I made myself a promise. A promise for you. My promise was, I wouldn't date this year. Or next year. I also made a promise to leave a note like this at your grave everyday. As I write this, you're in the hospital slowly dying off. My world ended when you did. I miss you everyday of my life, Josh.

-Alexis Rae-Lynn 

I put the tablet and pen back into the glove compartment. Class started in 15 minutes. I grabbed my white and black chevron backpack from the back seat and headed into class. The sun was making the world a little lighter, even though it was only up for about 15 minutes. I pulled the door open and was at this common room. It had a couch and a coffee table. I sat down on the couch and started writing the rest of the notes. My auburn hair was in the perfect messy bun. I was still in my sweats, but I didn't really care anymore. Someone opened the door. I looked over and saw Karen. I walked up to her and gave her a hug. There were tears on both of our cheeks. Her long brown hair was pushed to the side. She had a chevron shirt on that matched my backpack. "You okay?" she said once we had both sat down. "Just a little." "The same here. I was up till like one this morning crying because my brother was gone. He was like my role model." We hugged again. We still couldn't believe that my worst nightmare was coming true.

Karen told me while we were waiting about the small beach on the other side of town. It was, as she described it, it was at the beginning of the forest on the opposite side of the campus. She pulled up a picture from her phone. It was small. Really small. The whole"beach" was probably only 5 feet by 5 feet. There was some water, and it looked really romantic. She told me Josh used to take her there all the time when they were about thirteen. There was actually some sand. So I decided that I would head there after school. 

Once more people came, the bell rang. There was more than one common room. Karen and I talked the whole way about Josh. Karen said he had a handsome blue suit he should be buried in. She showed me a picture she had on her phone. He did look rather cute in that. She also said she would come with me to the beach after school. That's where and when we would make some more plans.