moods / phan

chapter eight

// that makes me happy ^_^

I have a new teen fic up called the deep end so pls check it out?

also I have Kik now, so you can message me on that if it's more convenient. My user is @phanci

AND I have a tøp fic up which I'm considering writing! It's called my heart's a black hole. //

dan

Dan paces his room, staring down at his sock covered feet as they take every step.

Although it's one a.m., Dan cannot seem to stop thinking about Phil. What does he want from Dan? Or, more the real question is; why does he want to be friends with Dan? Why now of all times as well?

Dan can't deny he is growing fond of Phil and wants to have him as a friend, but there's still that part of him which is holding back. Dan is scared to be let down, hurt, shattered, because frankly, he doesn't think his heart could take it.

Phil seems like the sort of person Dan can trust, and now thinking of Phil brings a smile to his face. Especially after yesterday.

Phil sat next to him until class began again. And even then, Phil walked beside him, silent and not saying anything, but he was letting Dan know he was there for him. And Dan has to admit, it did feel nice to not be alone.

Dan doesn't want to be alone, or desire it, it's just how he ended up. Dan has to make the choice of whether or not to open out to Phil. He's stuck in an inward battle between his heart and his mind.

But he thinks that slowly, his heart is beginning to win, and that's scaring him.

Dan rolls over and reaches his hand towards his phone. He clicks the home button, squinting as the light from his screen shines brightly into his eyes.

Dan unlocks his phone after his retinas stop burning from the light and scrolls through his tumblr feed. He doesn't have any other social medias, no one would add him anyway.

Apart from tumblr, he tries to avoid the Internet as he's a common subject on it. Of course he's featured, he's moodless to the whole world not just his town but he manages to (mostly) keep his head down. After seventeen years the mystery of his missing mood has died down a bit.

Dan sighs, locking his phone and placing it back on his bedside table. He wishes he had friends he could text. The only person he could message would be Phil, which he considers but he's be too scared that he'd annoy Phil into hating him.

Dan often wishes he could just switch off his emotions, but then again, what would he do without them? What kind of person would he be?

With nothing to hold him back, nothing to live for and nothing to make him sad, Dan's pretty sure that it may be even more of a miserable life than what he has now.

After all, emotions are what make people human.

But then again, Dan always felt like an inhuman freak anyway.

***

Dan wakes to his alarm and groans sleepily as he switches it off.

Is it bad that Dan dreads waking up every morning? Probably.

It's colder out now, and Dan cannot seem to find a jumper to wear so he opens his brother's bedroom door and pulls open one of his draws.

He feels a bit weird, wearing one of his dead brother's jumpers. But when he picks up his brother's grey jumper with ears on the hood, he can't resist slipping it on.