moods / phan

chapter twelve

// in case you missed the last part and my spam about this, ive made a YouTube with my friend! woo! it's called we'llnamethislater and im the asian guys //

dan

Dan sits on the crass, cross legged in front of a grave.

"H-hey brother," (there's an endless road to rediscover *leaves*) Dan says quietly, biting his lip, "s-sorry it's been a-a while since I've v-visited, I've been b-busy - in a good w-way. I've met a boy c-called Phil, he's like you, h-he sees good in me.

He d-doesn't care about my m-mood, he's just n-nice. I wish you c-could meet him. Phil is a-awesome but I miss you. I'm s-sorry.

I n-need your advice, y-your help. I don't know w-what to do. There's s-something wrong with Phil's family, somethings w-wrong inside of me, my m-mood is breaking apart.

I thought my l-life was finally g-getting better, I thought I was f-finally getting better but I-I'm not. As soon as th-things begin to get better they always become t-ten times worse. Why i-is that?

God, I need y-you here with m-me right now, I need y-your support and advice. I w-wish you never left, I wish i-it was me, not you. I s-spend a lot of my time wanting to g-get away from this world, brother;

But Phil Lester m-makes me want-t to stay."

Dan sighs, closing his eyes and biting his lip as he tries to stop the tears from falling. He doesn't want to cry here; not again. Who is he kidding though, he always cries when he comes here. Dan stands, brushing the grass off his knees but his black jeans are still slightly damp from the early morning dew.

He's stopped by the cemetery before he has to go to school. He picks up his bag, swinging it onto his shoulders, faltering slightly under the weight before he steadies himself and walks away from where his brother lays. Dan sighs, watching his shoes as he slowly takes every step towards school. He really doesn't want to go to school right now.

"Dan! Hello!" Phil's cheery voice calls as Dan walks into the school gates, "how are you?"

"I'm g-good," Dan says, forcing a smile.

However, every time Dan sees Phil he can't help but think of Phil's mother and brother's conversation. He can't help but think that this innocent, cheery Phil Lester doesn't have much longer before reality will kick in and his life will begin to crumble apart.

"That's good," Phil says, falling into step beside Dan as he walks, "I'm really looking forward to today, do you know why?"

"W-why?" Dan asks tiredly.

"Because you're here, and I think we should all look forward to everyday!" Phil says with a grin and Dan shakes his head with a smile.

"You're l-literally always h-happy," Dan says.

"Is that a bad thing?" Phil asks.

"Definitely n-not. Hold onto th-that Phil Lester, it's a r-rare gift," Dan says, biting his lip with a sigh, "I w-wish everyone was l-like you."

"Why?" Phil asks, laughing, "I'm far from perfect and then the world would just be boring."

"The world w-would never b-be boring if it was f-filled with people l-like you," Dan says, smiling at him, "you're m-my best f-friend."

"I'm your only friend Dan, no offence," Phil says, nudging Dan with his elbow and laughing, "but yeah, I'm pretty amazing."

"Yeah, y-you are," Dan agrees.

"Did you uh, figure anything else out about your mood?" Phil asks in a quieter, more serious tone, "I mean, what's happening?"

"I'm n-not sure h-honestly," Dan lies, but his mind is screaming at him.