Newborn

Moonlit Night

Over the next weeks, Jasper and I have kept our distance. I spend most of my time in my large room or conveying to Rosalie or talking to Edward. I go hunting more often than others, so I spent a lot of time alone these days. No matter how close Edward, Rosalie, and I are; they preferred to stay with their mate then hunt with me. I understand, well I think I do. I miss my days shared with Jasper. I do my best to avoid him. But it seems to be a small house these days. Every time I see him, I fall harder than the last. It's hard to describe to Rosalie, so I keep that half to myself.

On those unfortunate days that Jasper and I meet, I find myself staring at his perfect face, craving his graceful body, and feel my emotions run wild. Jasper tries to talk to me, but I refuse to break our stretch of sad silence. I don't even know why any more.

This is right. This is right. This is right. This is right. This is right. This is right. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong. Right. Wrong. I just don't know.

It's nearly midnight. The Cullen family is going about their night routines as usual. I had experimentally tried on a purple, strapless sun dress that cut perfectly at the mid-thigh for tonight's fun. I forgot to remove it when an idea came to me in the middle of observing myself in the large mirror. Now I lay on my stomach upon the hard ground of my room facing the widow-wall, trying to draw the sliver of the moon that sat perfectly between the mountain peaks. This must be my twentieth try.

A faint knock on my door yanked me back to reality. I didn't bother to check and see who it was, I just don't care anymore. I went back to my drawing quickly so I don't lose complete track of the moon from the densely forming clouds.

"Come in." I muttered, knowing whoever it was that they'd be able to hear me. It's probably Edward or Rosalie anyway. I was too absorbed in my drawing to look up at the opening door.

Footsteps entered my room, but then paused a few feet inside. I continued to work at a different angle this time. I jumped to my feet and onto the couch gracefully to catch the perfect opening of the moon. A sudden cloud covered my view and obviously would stay put for the rest of the night.

"Ugh!" I grumbled, falling back into the couch effortlessly. Flipping through the drawings I found them all to be terrible. I threw the book towards the other piles absentmindedly. The moon was always a hard subject for me to draw. The always changing shape made it hard to focus on and actually draw well and realistically. I should just stick to Jasper, I thought miserably.

"These are amazing." A voice said from a distance. Not just a voice, but his voice. I sat bolt upright so quickly even he was surprised. The topaz shaded eyes ranked across my too exposed body, lingering on my long legs I've always tried to hide. I was all legs, my brother had once joked with me about. It took me a moment to realize he was talking about the drawing in his hands rather than me.

My hands pulled the dress to cover more of my legs since it had risen in my horrific couch plummet. If he noticed, he didn't show it. Instead he looked back at my many drawing I had taped experimentally on the once white wall. My sketches and full length drawings were beginning to overlap each other. As he stared at the wall I continually stared at him in wonder.

"Jasper?" My voice cracked as I spoke from my spot beside the black sofa. It was the first time I've spoken his name to him or even addressed him in the many weeks I had refused to budge. He realized this as well, for I could see his cheek bones rise into a smile from behind his smooth back. I wanted desperately to see his smile again, but he remained turned.

"Jasper." I stated in a firm voice, this time with purpose. Thankfully, he turned slowly. But to my despair the smile was gone; a hard line now replaced his normal warm smile. Sadness overwhelmed me as his expression didn't falter. I tried to hide my crazy emotions but I knew he already felt them.

"What are you doing here?" Again, my voice was as firm as I could make it. I hated to say the damn words; in fact I wanted nothing more than for him to stay here forever. But the question was needed no matter the reason behind it. I don't deserve to love him.

"I wanted to see you." He stated simply and turned back to the drawings on the cluttered wall. My breathing turned irregular as I replayed the words in my head. He wanted to see me. A smile wavered on my lips before I replaced it with an unemotional stare as he glanced quickly back at me then away again.

"Why?" I prodded impatiently, feigning a bored expression.

"You've been avoiding me, Dee." Finally, he turned his body towards me. I'm not sure if it was better to have him the other way.

"Obviously." I mumbled, taking a deliberate step back. His eye brows rose as he read my message, but didn't follow it. Instead he took the step with me, holding my gaze easily.

"Why?" I took another step back, but he gained on me yet again. Finally my back found its way to the thin wall. Jasper continued forwards.

"Because of this!" I blurted, bringing him to a sudden stop barely six inches away. Perhaps it's the closest we've been in weeks. As if realizing what he was doing, he retreated a couple steps back then finally dropped into the sofa as if he were exhausted, which I knew he wasn't. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger with his eyes sealed tightly shut. Longing built inside of me at the sight of him there.

"Jasper," I began softly, slowly making my way towards his still form on the large couch. He didn't react to his name. Finding no spot to sit on besides his lean body, I sank to the ground near his head pondering how I could make him come back to this world. I slowly brought my hand to hover over his perfect exposed arm, trying to focus. Finally I gently stroked the smooth, hard surface with my fingertips.

His hand dropped from his face suddenly. I looked up to find his topaz eyes staring intently at our connected skin. His eyes met mine, still burning with something I cannot yet name. All reason left me at that moment. Jasper straightened into a sitting position, allowing me to crawl into the small space left on the soft sofa. Before I knew what was happening Jasper's arms were suddenly around me in a protective embrace, as mine were pulled fiercely around his scared neck. It was perfect. It was mine.

Reason hit me hard again at it's absents. I stiffened under Jasper. He felt it, but fought to calm me. I tried as well, forcing the reason away with all my might. Why do I have to think now? I untangled myself from his strong hold and stood in one fluid motion. He was looking down at his hands resting in his lap sadly, as if ashamed of what he had done.

I took a deep breath for comfort rather than need, and released it. "You should go." A whisper sounded in my ear, but it was only my own. Stay, I wanted to shout, don't leave me again. But my lips stayed sealed.

Jasper rose without a word and stood at arm's length from me. Silently, he placed a slender hand upon my cheek. We stood like that for longer than we should have. But I didn't care. As long as he was here, I'd never care about anything again.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Dee." He stated firmly with a gentle smile carved into his soft lips. The smile, his smile, was back. I've missed it terribly. It wasn't a question, but I found myself nodding in confirmation.

"Right." Jasper sent a friendly smile over his shoulder as he made his way out the door. I closed swiftly with a soft click as his graceful figure disappeared around the bend.

Slowly, I sank to the floor shaking my head. What are you doing? I still haven't come up with an answer.

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