Newborn

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

 Alice has been here for a week. It's been torture, seeing her too happy face every morning, hearing her voice all day, and catching her deflated face every evening before we retreat to our only escape. I can't fathom the amount of hate I feel for this one girl.

Jasper and I have been in different worlds these past few nights. Usually, I am staring into space on the floor while he flips cautiously through my many sketches. I don't stop him; there is nothing to hide now. We barely leave our only sanctuary, but when we do, we don't dare stray from each other's grasp. Our conversations are limited, and less frequent. Although we don't exchange many words due to our lack of privacy, I feel as though I already know what he wants to say by the sudden shift in weight or a gentle brush of skin on mine. Will things ever be the same?

The sound of pages gliding against finger tips yank me violently out of my personal trance I seem to be having every night. I glance up to see Jasper turning a page with much care in the black sketchbook. His brow is furrowed and I can tell he is in deep thought, but I the craving need to have him overwhelm my very being as a sudden decision is made in my mind.

Jasper meets my gaze hungrily. We stare at each other for a small moment, not ready to release our hold on the other just yet. Finally, I rise slowly to my feet. He follows my movement easily, tossing the book aside gently. From the corner of my eye, I can see the image labeled THE FIGHT on the page. Despair runs through me as I realize what I have to do.

I rush into Jasper's awaiting form and crush my body to his. He topples backwards and lands softly on the carpet with a dull thud with me in his arms. Jasper doesn't seem to comprehend where he is; all he does is hold me to him. I'm kissing him forcefully, not caring what will happen. My fingers find his shirt collar easily and tear through the fine fabric like a piece of paper. He does the same to me and soon we are exposed to the other yet again.

A deep and painful yearn engulfs me as I feel Jasper all around me. He was all I wanted since I changed into the monster I am today. He was all I needed. This long battle I have been fighting is for him and only him. I've been fighting since day one and I knew Jasper has been as well. We both want a sweet victory for the war we wish to win, but only I understand that this war will never be over, will never be won. As I kiss the only love I've ever known, I silently accept the duty I have given myself to give this family its peace back.

I love Jasper Hale. To show him that love, I must do the one thing I do best.

I feel Jasper's gentle hands stroke my ruffled hair against my cheek. My face is turned from his, but I could feel the small smile radiating off of his lips. I try my best at composing my wild emotions from him. Jasper pulls my face to him and kisses me softly on the lips. My body relaxes at the touch. Suddenly, I don't ever want to leave this position, to never face the world outside this room again.

The sky outside shows it’s a little past midnight. It is the perfect time, but I can't pull myself away from Jasper's safe, secure, and beautiful body. If there was any form of torture for a vampire, this is certainly one way to do it. Finally, I prop myself onto my elbow on his bare chest and look at his topaz eyes. I was right about the smiling thing. His bright grin shone brightly at me as his gaze landed on me.

"Dee?" It was the first time one of us has spoken since last night. I welcomed his soothing voice with open arms.

"Yes?" My voice was barely above a whisper. I wasn't eager to break the comfortable lull between us.

"I want to give you something." I stared at his excited face for a long time. Confusion broke through my emotional barrier.

"Give me something?" I echoed in a questionable tone. He nodded happily and pulled me into a sitting position before leaping up and darting to a sealed envelope on the nightstand I had never seen before. It's odd that I had overlooked something that excited him so. Jasper sat back down in front of me, clutching the envelope carefully. Interest sparked through me.

"What is it?" I asked, retching hesitantly for it. Jasper placed the paper gently in my pale hand. Using as much care as he had, I slowly tarred the soft paper from the top. I glanced at Jasper questionably, but he just nodded eagerly at the mysterious idem inside. Slowly I retched into the envelope carefully. Suddenly, my fingers closed around a cool material that felt smooth to the touch. Taking out of the holder, I gasped at the pure beauty of it. Inside my clasped hand was a necklace with a perfect gold chain with a single charm hanging with care from the chain. It was outlined in tiny sparkling diamonds. The most spectacular part of the necklace was the crimson red ruby that shone in the dull starlight. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I looked up at Jasper in amazement.

"Do you like it?" He asked quietly, looking suddenly bashful. The fear of rejection was written all over his perfect face.

"I absolutely love it." I threw my arms around him, feeling his tense muscles relax under the touch of mine. Handing him the chain, I turned away to allow him to fasten it to my neck. I kissed him passionately, completely forgetting all else.

"I love you, Dee." Jasper whispered against my neck. I stared straight ahead, fingering the pendent with delicacy, dreading the rest of the night.

"Forever?" I replied, my voice catching in an odd place

"Forever and always."

I rose from the ground and glided slowly across the gold carpet toward the closet. Once there, I pulled on a beige skirt, white blouse, sneakers, and hid a pair of sunglasses behind my back before entering the room containing Jasper again.

"Where are you going?" He asked, rising quickly to his feet.

"I'll be right back, Jasper." I lied casually, lacing my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a long kiss. He softened at my touch. I felt his hands travel down my back, committing the feel to memory. I turned without another look and rushed out the door, knowing if I looked behind me again, I'd run right back.

I ran down the familiar staircase, through the familiar door, across the familiar yard, and through the familiar forest. The soft comforting touch of Jasper was inside that house. I had to run harder so as not to turn around and return to it.

My heart ached terrible each step I took away from him. I was putting myself in physical and emotional pain for the Cullens.

I am the reason they weren't a perfect family anymore. I am the reason for the painful choice they would have to do if I stayed. I am the reason for everything.

Jasper's beautiful face ran through my mind. I felt my fingers travel to the necklace he had so surely given me. My vampire sobs echoed cruelly through the forest back to me. Panic ran through me at the thought of never returning, but it never left because I knew I could never come back to Forks Washington again. I could never come back to Washington, for I'd run straight back here. I could never see another Cullen again. I would never feel the touch of Jasper again. I would never smile at the joy I felt at the way my life was turning around with them. I can never be happy again, knowing these things can and will never happen again.

Sorrow engulfed me as I left behind all that I knew and loved. I will never be me again.

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Yes she did leave): whaaaaaa haha...there is one more chapter so stay with me here!!!!!!! The chapter title really doesnt hve anything to do with the chapter itself but i liked tht quote and thought it was nice and....yeah :)