Bad Habit

eleven

Moss was experiencing his first crush ever and frankly, if he was made to describe how it felt, he would've said it felt like he was slowly bleeding out. 

It was painful, it really was. Just the sheer fact that Moss never had a true crush on anyone was discouraging enough. But of course, he had to develop a crush during the most crucial year of his life. He tried so hard to make through high school without anyone finding out about him, and he failed at that. At least no one knew he was gay, but if he kept things up with Finny, he worried he'd let his feelings show. All he wanted was to be able to go to college out of state and finally be able to be himself; he'd be able to see guys without worrying about his parents and peers reactions. He'd finally be able to come out to someone and finally find someone to be with. It was difficult for Moss, seeing as he'd never even kissed a guy, only girls. He hoped kissing a boy was different than a girl, because he didn't enjoy kissing Jane at all. And she was another obstacle. Even though Moss was gay, he still felt extremely guilty about liking Finny because he was supposed to be dating her, whether she knew he was gay or not. He felt like he was cheating, which was strange, but he didn't like it at all.

He considered breaking up with Jane, but that would be tedious. They'd been dating for so long and there was no way Jane would take it laying down. She would fight and fight for their relationship, and Moss was a pushover. He was not physically capable of being mean or harsh with Jane, and breaking up with her scared him more than anything. He hoped that she'd break up with him, but knew deep  down that that was a long shot. 

It also sucked for Moss because he had no clue where Finny's head was at. It was almost clear that Finny felt nothing for Moss, seeing as he told him he never thought about Moss romantically during their sleepover fight. That hurt Moss, definitely, but he wasn't completely discouraged. He hoped that maybe Finny would come along and develop the same feelings that Moss was, and Moss had no issues waiting. In fact, he wanted things to go slow, and hated that he was falling so rapidly down the hill and into a pit of gross feelings. Indeed, everything was happening so fast, their friendship, Moss' feelings, Finny's boldness. Everything was moving quick and showed no signs of slowing down. 

And that was evident when Moss looked into the crowd on Friday night and spotted none other than his cute crush sitting in the bleachers with Aro, looking eager as hell. Finny didn't take his eyes off Moss once, and when he caught eyes with him, Finny stood up and waved enthusiastically, like a proud mom or something. Moss gulped and found himself to start shaking while his stomach beat itself up. He actually came? He actually fucking came?

"Mosspack," came an aggressive voice from behind him, "stop staring at your girlfriend and get over here." Moss rolled his eyes at his coach's remarks and jogged over to the huddle where his team was strategizing. 

The game had been going well for Teddy Mosspack; he was doing everything asked of him, assisting in acquiring points, and the score was close. The North Jets, or Moss' team, were playing the Golden Tigers, who happened to be a fairly good team. Moss didn't feel any pressure though, he rarely did, but when he looked up and saw Finny in the crowds, he began to sweat. Finny was watching him do 

yet another thing, though football was hardly comparable to live videos of dancing in underwear. But still, it was completely nerve wrecking, especially considering Moss was in the middle of figuring out his emotions for the silly, stupid, adorable blonde boy. 

The game was coming to a close, and the Jets were down by six. Coach and Moss discussed what their best move was for a couple moments, and once they decided, Moss informed his team on what to do. Noah was to go long, as he was the team's best receiver, and Moss would pass the ball off to him so that he could reach the end zone and score the points necessary to at least tie the game. There was 15 seconds on the clock and Moss was feeling it, the pressure that is. Except, the only pressure was the pressure to impress Finny. This was the first game Finny had attended since they became friends, and Moss wanted nothing more than for him to see how good of a player he was. It was almost the same feeling he got when his dad was in the crowd.