Take A Bow (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 13

Who else is proud of the boys at the TCA's?! They were perfect and beautiful and just amazing, as always. Harry was so freaking adorable. They were all just so perfect, I almost cried I was so proud of our boys.

Who else cried at Lea's speech? This chapter is dedicated to her and Cory. Even if it has nothing to do with them. She's such a strong, beautiful girl. And I'm very proud of her and her courage to say all that. #StayStrongLea #WeLoveYouCory.

Here's the chapter.

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I looked up at the sky with blurred vision, holding the bottle of vodka in my hand lazily. The all too familiar razor next to me. My head fell to the side, my eyes locking on the fresh cuts, blood covering my arm. This scene was all too familiar.

I flashed back to when I tried to kill myself and looked away from the blade.

I looked up at the dark sky, sitting up slightly to take a sip of the drink in my hand. The hard roof under me wasn't the most comfortable thing but it didn't matter right now.

All that mattered was the blood dripping down my arm and the sharp object laying next to me. I had promised myself I'd never cut again after I woke up in that hospital. I guess that was a broken promise now.

But I guess that's what promises are made for. To be broken. Because no promise is ever kept. 

"I promise. I'll never let you go again. I'll protect you Haz. It's you and me again. And I'll never let that go again."

I laughed dryly and took another drink from the bottle before letting my head fall back. I could hear the sound of cars passing by the building below. And people talking, walking down the street. Like it was any other day.

And to them it was. But to me it was one week after I revealed that I was alived to the world. One week since me and Louis got together. One week since the fans started hating me. And two hours after I found Louis and Nick talking. Talking about me, about me and Lou, about them.

And then I watched the love of my life break my heart all over again as he kissed Nick. And I guess, maybe this is how it was meant to be. Maybe I was never meant to have my happiness. Maybe I was doomed to be alone. 

Because he didn't love me, probably never did. 

I had believed him when we got back together, that he'd never leave me. And maybe it was all a misunderstanding. But I know what I saw. Him and Nick kissed. Again. 

How can he love me if he can so easily kiss another man. I looked back up at the sky and smiled almost brokenly.

Why didn't I deserve to be happy. Why didn't I get to be loved? Was I just a game? Was I just so he didn't have to be alone? Why did this always happen to me? I don't understand what I did to deserve to get my heart broken repeatedly by the same person.

Maybe I just did. Maybe I was a mistake that deserved to be punished. Either way, I was. A mistake, in every way.

I was a mistake to be born. I was a mistake that couldn't sing. I was a mistake that didn't deserve to be in the band. A mistake that didn't get love. 

So maybe it would just be best if I was to end it here. This time there would be no one here to save me. This time, even if Nick found me, he wouldn't save me. Because he didn't care. He was just like Louis.

Never cared, never wanted me around. Just did it because they pity me. And I don't blame them. I wouldn't want me around either.

I was disgusting. Fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, untalented, alone, everything I didn't want to be. All the things no one wanted. All the things our so called fans called me now.