Lolo, left me somehow dumbfounded.
I don't know what letters he was talking about. And quite frankly, I never thought my father was ever a letter writer.
So many questions popped up in my head.
The most important question of them all, Where are the letters?
I dialled that number, to which my questions would be answered.
Papa, we need to talk.
We met up in the park near our house, the park, where many memories lie.
Anak, you needed to talk to me?
Papa, where are the letters? And don't tell me you don't know where they are, because lolo told me.
They're with me.
What?
For every occasion, I missed, I wrote you a letter, because I know your mom would never let me talk to you again and your lolo would sent it to the post office, what he didn't know was the address was a dead end, it eventually was just sent back. I kept the letters I wrote to you anak, in hopes that one day you forgive me. That one day, you get to read them.
Can I have them?
Of course, they're yours to begin with.
We reach our house, the house where time seemed to stand still. Papa lead me to my old room, where everything was still in its place, as if my things just waited for me to come home. He opened up my closet, filled with clothes I had never seen before, all with tags with them.
Sorry anak, pag namimiss kasi kita, I buy you things na I think you'll like. Creepy ba? He laughed nervously. Security blanket lang siguro. Sorry ah?
I just smiled at him. And I stared at him as he went through boxes and boxes of things. Oh God, he never forgot about me, I thought. As I stared at my papa, he's still the same man I love, the one that tries his best to make me happy. He retrieved the box with letters written to Ava Sabrina T. Gomez.
I'm sorry but can you leave me alone here for a bit? I asked.
Sure, I'll give you your space.
Thank you.
I opened the first letter, actually it was a post card of Manila dated December 25, 2013
Dear My Princess Ava,
I hope you're enjoying your first white Christmas. I hope that you get to enjoy that first sip of hot cocoa over opening your gifts like we used to. I miss you so much anak, but I know somehow someday we get to spend Christmas together again. I love you so much. And I'm sorry anak.
Love, Papa
Another written on my 16th birthday with a package with it.
Dear My Princess Ava,
Happy sweet 16th anak. With this parcel, is a locket with an A on it. I remember you always wanted one, just like Annie on Parent Trap. How can I forget how obsessed you are with that film...
...I hope you enjoy your day my princess. You are as beautiful as your mother was at this age. I love and miss you so much. Sorry I can't be there with you. But remember I will forever and always love you.
Love Papa.
By the time I went through most of them I realized that my eyes turned red because of the tears I shed. I got the locker he gave me, it looked exactly like the one in the movie but bigger and on the back forever and always was engraved.
I stood up and looked at the stuff inside the closet, teddy bears, clothes and boxes of jewelry filled up the space.
I opened one more box, in it a charm bracelet, with charms of different shapes and sizes. With it another letter.
Dear My Princess Ava,
Congratulations on your graduation! I'm so proud of you and all your accomplishments. I hope that you remain to be the sweet princess I know. I love you so much. And I miss you.
Love papa.
I opened the door, I saw the clock, it was a little past midnight. I saw my phone. 25 missed calls from Mama. Several texts asking where I was. And the last saying, just checking if you're okay. I talked to your lolo.
My papa was there, on the couch, asleep. I scanned his face, as if I'm memorizing every wrinkle and cranny in his face. I startled when he started to wake up.
Oh anak. Are you okay? Why are you crying?
Why didn't you send those letters? Why didn't you.. He cut me off.
Anak, I didn't want your mama to think I was trying to buy your affection nor was I trying to lure you away.
But papa, those letters would've meant so much to me. They would've made me feel that you still wanted me in your life. That I was still important to you. My voice broke down.
I know nothing makes sense right now. But know this, there was never even a brief period in time that I never wanted you. I wanted to be with you. With both of you. But I was scared anak. I didn't know what to do, I was ashamed of going after your mama, after what I've done to her, to both of you. Both of you never deserved a guy like me. And when I saw you both so happy in Paris, I thought I was doing you both good by stepping aside and let you both be happy. Because you both deserve more than me.
I never wanted anyone but you, and I think mama never wanted anyone else but you either.
a/n: hey guys! I hope you still like this story. I'm at a loss for inspiration recently. As luck hasn't been on my side recently. But! I hope you guys enjoy this update!
