My first love knew every part of me:
There wasn't a thought, a memory,
Any piece of me that wasn't shared.
We were young; and we didn't grow up —
We grew in, weaving our minds interests together,
Like grape vines, slowly becoming one.
There was one thing I never wanted to give him,
The one thing, the big thing that ever since I was little,
I was told was to be kept and saved for a special night.
I didn't want to — yet.
But I did. I did it in a different way:
I gave him every single piece of me.
We learned giving, not receiving, but we each did both.
I gained pieces of him, and
he took parts of me I thought I needed.
But with him, I didn't need them as much.
We completed each other.
For a while.
I guess the downfall happened
When he realized I have a problem saying "No"
This was one of the things he was given.
I stayed. I believed in him so much,
That I stayed. Again. again.
No matter how much it happened.
In between each time, we slowly grew apart.
We stopped giving and receiving,
We changed. We grew. We stopped knowing each other.
I grew a spine and hardened my heart.
He grew in muscle, all of it taking over his small body
There was no more room for his run-down heart.
We haven't spoken since the last time.
Encountered, yes. But never spoken.
Just thumping hearts and dizzy minds and shaking legs.
And memories running between us like a river,
Turning into an ocean before I can leave.
But when I did, I did for good.
********
song -- "I Will Possess Your Heart," Death Cab for Cutie
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