It's been a year since the global ban on plastic bags. The only people who still have them are hoarders, upcyclers, clean freaks and seniors. The world is a different place. Plastic bags are frowned upon but many folks can't stomach the rising costs...
He was significantly larger than me and made me a little nervous. I knew he was from the Tote Mafia, but I didn't realize that they were so badass. I thought they were just like passionate environmentalists who were also capitalists. But the vibe of this guy was telling me that they were about to fuck with me in a major way.
He circled me and looked me up and down, "So you're the one everyone is upset about huh? Ari."
I thought some humour might help, "Me? Yeah I piss people off a lot. Look at me. I'm so intimidating."
I laughed.
He snarled.
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"So let's get down to brass tacks here Ari. You wanna continue to operate in this town, it's gonna cost you either a fee or your legs. You choose."
"I choose legs. I mean fee. I want my legs." I said.
"You made the right choice. We'll be in touch."
He peeled out of my neighbourhood like an obnoxious teenager driving a muscle car for the first time.
******
A few weeks went by and I continued to see profits grow. People were less stressed about the bag shortage because they knew they could find one of my guys and I had amassed a handsome bank balance of over 12 thousand dollars. So far no knocks on my door from Tote Mafia either. Maybe my influence and success scared them off. He he. One could hope.
Henry was killin' it. I didn't have to do anything except keep getting more bags. I spent a lot of time at the old folks home playing euchre, chess, and listening to stories about a time when life was better and they eventually shared their bags in exchange for my time. Old people liked me (except Bob, who hated me). Maybe because grandma used to slap me HARD across the head when I didn't use proper manners or treat my elders with respect. So I learned to mind my P's and Q's pretty early on.
Thanks for the head slaps Grandma! I'm ballin' now.
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