Human Again (A Jeff the Killer story)

19. The wheel turns

Hi everyone! Thanks again for being here and for supporting me.
This chapter is just a description of Jeff's thoughts, so it's not so interesting. But, it's important to notice that changes are coming! Jeff is changing, as well as Emilie.
I hope you'll like it :)
Xx

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Jeff's pov

My heart skips a bit when I hear her thank me. Is she crazy? I didn't spare them for her, I was just too busy to save her miserable life to kill them.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't spare her because I grew attached to her, hell no. For an unknown reason, I couldn't let her die. Not yet. She surprised me by saving the boy, by taking the knife to save him. It was the first time I saw someone risk his life for someone else, moreover someone he hadn't met before. I didn't know humans can take their selfishness away for someone else. This girl...she will always surprise me. I can't help but smile at the thought. She's really special. No need to say that someone who can fight me back is special. That's why I won't kill her now, I have this impression that she'll be entertaining even more. And the game will be a huge part in this entertainment.

She's still looking at me, she hasn't moved since she thanked me. I'm not used to someone looking at me like....like I was normal. I'm not normal. Her smile reminds me of my mother's one, before I killed her. Is she trying to make me feel nostalgic? Is she trying to make me feel bad?
And damn, how can she smile like that? Like she's not trapped here, like I didn't make her life a living hell? Like I killed no one? I didn't kill her friends, true, but still. She doesn't care if I kill people, if that's not her dear friends. The boy, I know he's not her boyfriend yet, even thought perhaps he will be soon. I don't care anyway. She can hang out with boys all she wants, like nothing happened. She had been nearly raped, I stalked her, she had been to the cops, and now she's here with a hole in her stomach. I have to admit that I'm impressed by her tenacity, but I'm not it's just the reflection of her stupidity.

I look at her constantly. She's so strange to me. One day she fights me with all she has, she even slapped me twice. And sometimes she's smiling and thanking me. Who the hell is she? She's an amazement to me. A surprise. A case I need to understand, or else I won't be able to sleep. An entertainment. A toy.
I'll always remember when she asked me if I were afraid of loneliness. I don't know why, but that caught me off guard completely. I'm not afraid of loneliness, not a single bit. And I will never be. She's the one who are afraid of being alone.

And now, here she is, smiling to herself and looking at her room, deep in her thoughts again. She's playing with her hair too, her not-so-ugly hair anymore. I don't know if that's because I see her a lot now, but she seems to look better than before. I think I have a good impact on her, I'm sure my world suits her well. She said earlier that she will show me hers soon, I'm eager to see that. I can't really show myself to people, how will she be able to show me things? She's so stupid, I'm sure she hasn't even thought about it.

Suddenly, she turns to me with the same expression she has every time she's afraid to ask me something. I smile in advance, because I know what's she's going to ask me. She's so predictable.

"Jeff," she calls me, trying to catch my full attention, "Are you still planning to kill me soon?"

That's it. Is she afraid of death now? She told me before that she wasn't anymore.

"Why do you ask me that?" I ask her, in a serious tone. I know it's my chance to understand what's in that head of hers.

"I want to know if my life will end soon, I think that's pretty normal." She replies, and an evil smile appears on my face. It's been a long time since she hasn't seemed so...weak and scared.

When she's like that, I want to kill her so bad. Indeed, when I see scare in the face of people, it excites my blood urges. And I know, deep down I know how it's going to be fun to kill her. It's going to be the best day of my life, I know it. But the more I'm waiting, the better it's going to be. I need to break her before killing her.

"I don't know. It depends on you." I finally reply.

And with that answer, she laughs. She laughs so loud that she's holding her stomach because it hurts her. I even see some tears in her brown eyes.
Damn, why is she laughing?! Somethings clicks in my mind and I push her on the bed, me on top of her. I grab her shirt and put a lot of pressure on my hands. She's still looking at me deep in the eyes, like she's analyzing my every moves. But I don't care, I'm so angry right now that I could kill her in a second. She can't laugh at me!

"Why are you laughing stupid girl?!" I scream full of anger.

"You're keeping me alive and saving me when I'm in trouble," she starts, staring at me with these angry eyes I've only seen once before, and that I will never forget,"But then, you don't even know if you're going to kill me or not. You don't know what you want Jeff, and it's starting to get on my nerves."

What I want? Right now, I want to strangle you so much.

"Shut up. Or I will kill you this time. I swear I will." I reply, trying to control my urges.

"We both know you won't Jeff." She simply answers, like stating an obvious fact.

I freeze in place, trying to think if I've heard her well. All I can see is her confident face. And this smile... Is she smirking at me? She's testing me!
I put both of my hands on her throat and start to strangle her. I can't take it anymore, this girl is going to be the death of me if she continues to play with my mood right now. I put more and more pressure until I can feel her digging her nails into my hands, until I can see the colors leaving her small face. But when I see her closing her eyes and feel her heartbeat slowing, I remove my hands and get up fast.

I couldn't do it.
I fucking couldn't do it.

She's coughing a lot now, trying to let the oxygen feed her body again.
I didn't move the all time, I'm freezing in place. Why? Why do I let her live?
She's looking at me, with disgust on her face. I want to say something harsh to her, but then I see it. The smile. The triumphant smile on her face. She has planned it all along.

Am I becoming weak?

I quickly turn around and run away, leaving the room and the manor.
I fall on the grass, out of breath already. I can't believe I let her trap me like that, I'm the one who's supposed to make fun of her, not her.

As they say, the wheel turns.

Damn...What's happening to me?