Human Again (A Jeff the Killer story)

22. Fire

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do"

Emilie's pov

I desperately grab his head with my two hands, and kiss him forcefully.

It is not a loving kiss, I don't love him a single bit after all. It is an urgent kiss, an angry kiss. I want him to feel all the hatred I have for him, and it's my only way to show him at that moment.

I'm surprised that he doesn't push me away right away. I thought he was going to push me, maybe punch me in the face and go away. And that was what I wanted deep inside.
But no, he doesn't pull away. I even feel his lips moving against mine, shyly in the beginning, like he's not sure whether he should pull away or not. But then, after some awkward moments, he grabs me urgently by my back and pushes me closer to him. His lips are moving faster too, like he's responding to my angry feelings. I feel every ounce of his body against mine, sending a wave of electricity in all my being. I've never experienced something like that before, and it's like I'm being addicted to it. He chooses to deepen the kiss, and I let him. I want more, so much more. I want to know every part of his mouth, of him as a whole.

The kiss is more and more violent, just like we're fighting each others with our tongues and mouths. It's needy, impulsive but seductive at the same time. It has always been a game between him and I. Which one will pull away first? Which one will win this fight? It has always been like that. A fight. A game.

And we're not going to end it soon.

After at least a full minute of kissing, I'm already sweating and completely out of breath. I quickly pull away, turning my head to regain my breath. But he rapidly takes it roughly with his fingers, and kiss me again like he wants more. But this time, he's more violent and more hungry. He pins me again the wall harder than before, preventing me to let go. He grabs my hands above my head, and kisses me deeply.

I have never felt as much passion before in my life. It's like all my other experiences were empty of emotion, of feeling. Even though, right now it's not a love affection, it's....violent. We're biting, caressing, and re biting our lips and tongue. It's a constant switch between caring and arguing kisses.
But the emotions I'm feeling are so new, so good. So addicting.

He then lets go when we're both out of breath, but only to kiss my neck. I'm letting out a small scream when he starts sucking my skin, leaving a painful hickey. The worst is that I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying every single one of his bites, every single one of his kisses. What is wrong with me? His smell is hypnotizing, his body pressed against mine makes my head dizzy; it's a sweet torture.

He is now sucking on my neck again, harder than before. I feel the hurt in all of my body, and I cry out in pain. When I feel him leave the now big hickey, he simply rests his head on the crook of my neck, before whispering in a surprisingly caring voice: "Mine."

His? 
And that's when I finally wake up from this trance.

Oh. God.
What have we done?!

Jeff has starting sucking and biting my neck again. I'm trying to move my hands but he's still preventing me to. I'm trapped under his weight, and I can't move at all. I feel the urgency to leave his side, what was I thinking?!

"Jeff...Jeff you should stop now." I beg him between some little screams due to the pain of his bites. "It's not...it's not right."

But he doesn't leave my neck alone. It's like I've turned on something in him while kissing him, and now there's no turning back. I have to stop him now, before we get to far. And no way we're going to get further. It was a mistake to kiss him, a horrible stupid mistake. I should have found another way to make him shut up.

I keep on moving my hands, trying to get him away from me. But he won't move, he's too busy with my neck. I'm sure I have at least 4 hickeys on my neck, and my cheeks turn red from embarrassment when I imagine that people will see me with this. I don't want to have Jeff's marks on me. It doesn't feel right. We're not supposed to do that. I don't want to be his.

But it felt so right.

Suddenly, he pulls away completely, like he has regained his mind like I had some minutes ago. He is now 2 meters away from me, looking at me deep in the eyes, sweating and panting. His lips are red and even bleeding in some parts, and the circle around his mouth is all red. His hair is a mess, and he's breathing heavily, moving his chest up and down as he does so. I'm so surprised by the view. Am I the one that made him so.....different? He seems...in shock. There's no more anger or fury in his eyes, just this sadness I've found sometimes.

We're both looking deeply at each others, out of breath. I'm sure we're both asking ourselves the same questions: What has happened here? When did things change between us? What did we do?
He's looking at my neck now, and I'm sure it's pretty bad. He suddenly turns around and leaves my room, without saying a word. I'm glad he did, I have this feeling that things can be mess up once again if he has stayed. But I can feel a tiny sadness in my heart too.

Damn, why I feel this attraction for him now? It's like the kiss has turned on something in me too, not only in him. I feel like I have to kiss him again and again, just to feel this addicting sensation.

No, no. I have to forget this. Nothing happened. Nothing happened!

I really need to escape this hell. Look, It's already getting in my sanity, I find myself attracted to the one who made my life horrible.

No way.
No way I'm letting that happen. I need to leave.

Feeling uncomfortable now alone in my room, I chose to get up and leave. Before leaving this manor, I've always promised myself to search through Jeff's past. Why now? Because I need to know the monster he is, to know why he has become this. Or else, I won't be able to leave completely. I have to know, to understand him better, maybe to be completely afraid of him, and then run away.

I head to the hall, practically running, looking for Anders. I'm sure he's in the hall or in the kitchen, where he is always during evenings. I know his habits by heart after all this time here.

He is indeed in the kitchen, drinking a beer. He seems surprised to see me, and I see him looking strangely at my neck. Damn, I've forgotten about this....
He chose to pretend that he doesn't see it and greets me anyway. I do the same, embarrassed, before asking him the burning question that I have hold on during all these days and weeks.

"Anders, I want you to tell me Jeff's past, please."