Human Again (A Jeff the Killer story)

33. Treason

Jeff's pov

When I wake up, I'm in my bed, in my dark room. It takes me a minute to remember how I end up here, but then I remember that I slept in Emilie's place and that I've being taken home by Anders. I must have really made him worried, it's like he's constantly looking for me. It's starting to annoy me, I don't need help, I'm fine. Plus, I'm sure he looked for me a long time before finally going to Emilie's place!

Wait.

Emilie's place.

How does he know where she lived? I have never told him. She never told him too, I'm sure of that. She was scared of him, maybe less in the last few days of her stay, but still. She wouldn't tell him, right?
So...how does he know? Has he spied on her like I did?
I don't know why, but a feeling of treason came in my heart. Did he pay someone to find where she lived? Did he really do that behind my back, whereas he knew everything? He knew she left me, he knew I was down, he knew how I felt. Why would he look for her too?
Maybe he was only trying to help....Yeah, he's always worrying about me. Maybe he tried to find her too, to help me. It must be that! Of course, she never told him where she lived, so...that's the reason.

What if he found something else? Something I don't know...like where she worked, where she studied...something that can now help me find her. If so, why did he never tell me?
He never told me he knew where she lived, maybe he knows other things.

Damn, I'm being paranoid.

I quickly get up from my bed and, for the first time in forever, open the curtains. The lights make me blind for a minute, revealing the mess that my room is. Food, clothes, tissues, papers...we can't even see the floor anymore. Have I really lived in there all these months? It's so dirty, even for me!
I need to clean this mess, and soon.
But before, I need to eat and shower.

I go to the kitchen rapidly, eager to eat, grabbing bread, peanut butter and making a coffee, before sitting in front of the table and next to Anders. He's reading the newspapers, focused. I greet him and that's only when I do that, that he seems to notice my presence.

"Oh hi Jeff, I didn't see you coming. I'm surprised to see you up that early." He says, certainly referring to yesterday and all the others when I get up later in the day.

"Yeah, I'm trying to live a...normal life again. I plan to clean my room after, sorry for the mess." I quickly say before eating my bread in one piece and putting peanut butter on a new piece. I hear Anders chukles before replying to me.

"I'm glad to see you're back, Jeff. I was worried. It's a good thing that you're forgetting her."

My knife instantly falls from my hand, making a loud high nose. I'm surprised by what he said. I quickly regain my confidence and turn to him.

"I haven't forgotten her, Anders." I say to him harshly, before leaving the plate and knife in the sink. When I'm about to leave the room, I hear him say "You should give up on her.", which makes me angry even more.
Why does he want me to forget her so bad? He hasn't stopped saying that in those two days. What's his problem? I need to find her, it's a question of dignity. No one escapes me, that's all.
I can't help but think of what I thought this morning. If he knows things I don't, and if he wants me to forget her so bad, it's not a good sign.

I need to look in his things.

I know I'm going to do a bad thing, but I don't care at this point. My paranoia is on the edge, and I need to know. He will certainly prevent me from living here if he knows that I look in his things, but damn, I need to know. I won't be able to live with this paranoia.
And I know exactly where to look first.