Don't Fall too Fast ✔️

Chapter fourteen: Completely Moved On.

A girl doesn't need anyone that doesn't need her.

*

5th of March, 2016.

3:30pm.

The biggest mistake I had made in my life was letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserved. Sometimes, I thought about him. Sometimes, he slipped my mind and sometimes, but only sometimes, I thought about what happened between us. I had come to terms with myself that nothing really happened.

I was a stupid fifteen year old girl wanting someone to love me for who I was. I fell too fast, he didn't.

To this day, I still didn't know how he felt or why he led me on like that and sometimes, I wished I had the guts to ask him but three years later, I had come to terms that I may never know and I was okay with not knowing. Maybe it would hurt more if I knew or maybe it would make me understand that he was a stupid sixteen year old boy who wanted every girl that he laid his eyes on.

So, here I was. Sorting out my boxes that had been packed up from the move. I was still living in the same city; it was just a different house. I had to admit, I had a lot of junk that needed to be thrown away and that was exactly what I was doing on my Saturday afternoon. I guess that was what happened when you had no internet. It was my last year of high school and could I just say that I could not wait to leave this city for good. Too many bad things had happened here and I was done.

As I was sorting and throwing away and giving away, I came across a notebook that I had three years ago. I remembered buying it because it had a picture of the Eiffel Tower on the cover and I wrote in it like a diary or a journal.

Now, I never liked writing my feelings down in a book where anybody can open it up and start reading. I had trust issues, don't ask me why. I bought the book simply because of the cover, what else was I going to write in it?

I remembered that I eventually stopped writing in it just because I could never keep going when writing a diary, that was why I never have them. I traced my finger over the book, not exactly remembering what I wrote in there.

I flipped the pages of pointless days in my life back in 2013 and then I came across a section that was just about Brandon. I slammed the book shut, not wanting to relive any of that and I slowly placed it in my drawer where nobody would ever find it.

I always thought I slept walked through my entire life until now, reading the first few pages of that book was just enough to know that I had problems. Major problems about the way I looked and the way I was feeling in those dark days and then Brandon had to come into it.

So I closed my draw, not wanting to look at it. I didn't want those memories of him coming back but unfortunately, they were still glued in my mind with no way of escaping.

And it sucked.

*

9th of March, 2016.

9:13pm.

2015 wasn't a good year, period. It just wasn't. So many bad things happened that I would rather no relive and here I was, seventeen years old and still single. I had realised that I need to love myself first before anyone else can and that was why I had made 2016 my year to be happy and so far, it had been good.

Obviously things weren't perfect but for me, I had accepted myself a little more, that was a lie, and I always found something to keep me happy. It was just the little things that made you happy and for me, it was writing, singing and reading. I always found my happy place in the things that I loved.