Behind Closed Doors [On Hold]

Why?

*NOTE* the thoughts that are in BOLD and have this ** next to it is the negative side of their thoughts because let's face it. We all have a negative side to our mind wether we like it or not.
Sophie's P.O.V.
From my spot I could see the bottle in his hand.

I had no idea he drank...

They've noticed each other, and now they're drinking together...

Wow...

I'm starting to feel very exhausted and confused.

It happened all too soon. I close my eyes for a second and like magic they're kissing.

My legs feel weak and my heart is racing.

What.

I know the tears are coming even before I feel it. How does that work? It doesn't even make logical sense.

Slowly I sit on the ground making sure to stay out of view, not that they'd notice either way. They're connected by the lips.

My hands are shaking now. I feel so sick and this fückïng headache isn't helping at all. That angry feeling returns followed by a feeling of loneliness right after.

Why???

I don't even want to look when I hear them getting up. Seconds later I faintly hear her giggling and then the car engine starts.

Once I know they can't hear me is when I start full on crying.

The tears just won't stop. Right when I think it's over, there they are again.

Stupid! Stupid! Ugh! How could I be so stupid. To think any guy would be different from the next. Not that I would know either way. I've never been with any other guy except for... Ugh...

When I try to stand my legs feel so weak. I don't know if it's from the searing headache I have or from the stupid pain he's causing me. All by kissing that stupid girl. That stupid girl who just so happens to go to my school.

I wish I could just leave. Leave this all. No more of this pain.

I actually want to become someone. Go to university. I don't know. Move away, get an education, have a family. Leave this town along with these memories. It's not like anyone would care anyways. They hardly notice me in the halls, at home, on the street. Nobody says hi. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just me that's the problem.

Is this what it feels like? Is this the thing you call heartbreak? How could I be heartbroken when I don't even know him? He's stranger to me and yet here I am crying underneath a tree in the dark, all alone and wondering how he could do this to me.

Maybe it's just because I got attached so easily. Maybe it's because I actually felt like someone cared for once. I felt what it's like to be "loved" or at least something along that note.

Who knows. Maybe if I left I could find "true love" or some shït. You know how people talk about finding their soul mate, their "destined other half". Maybe if I left I could find that too...

I just want to be normal. I want to fit in. To be accepted by society. I want to be somebody who has someone that can say I've made an impact on their life. That's all I want. To make an impact or difference in somebody's life. Doesn't matter if I know them on a personal, emotional, physical, or even spiritual scale, or if I don't know them at all. I want to make a difference.

**But that'll never happen. You're too weak to stand up against what is happening to you. You'll never leave. You'll be stuck here to think about how you could've changed your life, if you'd have done this differently or talked and approached this person differently. You'll be stuck wondering what would've become of this "better you".

"You don't know that. I can become better. I can"

"Heh. Talking to myself. How typical."

"Well I mean it is typical but still... Just a tad weird."

That voice. So velvety smooth. This unknown owner was leaning against the tree on which I cried. It startled me from my thoughts.

Looking up at its source my breathing hitched.

Smooth grey eyes. Deep black hair that from here looked incredibly soft. His gaze captured mine even through the darkness. It seemed as if the world stopped. Forgetting everything I gave him a small smile which he returned.

Oh. My. Goodness. That smile.

"So what's a beautiful young lady like you doing out here in the dark, all alone."

Beautiful. He called me beautiful.

Naturally blushing I looked to the ground.

"Heh. Beautiful."

"I can see from here the effect you'll have on me in the natural moonlight already."

How does he do that so effortlessly? Makes me feel nervous yet not at the same time.

I give a little laugh out of pure nerves. "I don't think you'd want to see me in any natural light. Especially considering the condition I'm in right now..."

"It couldn't be that bad could it?"