Type 11
Preferences.
Interesting FAQ: What are One Direction preferences?
A: One Direction preferences are bullshit. In other words, they are one liners (sometimes, but rarely, more) about how the reader ('you') handles various affairs with the guys from One Direction and vice versa.
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A/N: A major part of what's wrong with this is that you're automatically up close and personal with the band. So basically 'you' in all of the following stories their best mutual friend or something (I suppose).
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Today, I shan't tell you how the story goes, but I'll just skip to the most typical kinds of preferences to give you all a general idea of how this works. And I won't even tell you what's wrong with these. Just giving you guys the names should be enough to point out why they suck.
Let's start with the (slightly) normal ones:
How you met
How you got closer
How you kiss each other
How he describes you
How he drunk-texts you
How he tweets about you while on tour
How Twitter trends on your birthday
How he says he misses you
How songs describe you relationship
How you turn each other on etcetera.
So, those were the normal ones. Here are the ones that are disturbing on various levels. (Beware: This can possibly traumatise you forever.)
How you decide the name of your child. (They're like 20, guys!)
How an interviewer ponts out marks you left on him during sex. (NO. I AM NOT JOKING.)
How you wrap your legs around him. (Apparantly there are more ways than one.)
How you're supposed to be best friends but you give him a boner. (You turn him on by flipping your hair and stuff. You know, but you're best friends, so that isn't allowed to happen and everyone else makes fun of him. O_O)
How he spazzes about the fact you broke a mirror. (All of them are freakishly superstitious in this one for some reason.)
How he gives you a bruise. (I was too scared to read this one, so I'm leaving it to your imagination. *shudder*)
How he finds out you're pregnant with his child. (That's it I'm googling their ages.)
How you grow old together. (Yeah, the oldest of them is 21.)
How you react when he checks out another girl. (Because all girls are automatically paranoid freaks.)
How you both react when your daughter starts her period. (WHAT?!)
How you watch porn together. (I can't even...)
How he saves your life (because life-saving situations happen to people all the time.)
How and why One Direction fangirls like you (because you're apparently very nice or something. And of course, you don't rub in the fact that you're dating one of the band members in people's faces.)
How your son tells you he's gay. (HOMOPHOBE!)
How you explain puns made out of his name. (Basically, ridiculous shizz like: amaZAYN, brilLIAM etcetera.)
How he treats you when you're PMSing. (What the hell is wrong with you girls?)
How he uses a secret weapon to turn you on. (Secret weapons include: biting your lip while making out, squeezing your butt, whispering in your ear and other crap. Oh! And if it's Harry Styles: it's his curls.)
How you name each other in your phones. (Example: PUMKIN WUMKIN! XOXOXO <3 <3 <3)
How you both love the same utensils. (Something about both of them liking forks...)
How you see him cry and how he sees you cry and how you both cry together. (Do I really need to say anything?)
How he watches you apply make-up. (Not everyone uses that shit, you know.)
How you become insomniac because you're addicted to his love. (Sex addiction is a serious thing, I've heard. Get your brain checked out and do everyone a favour, will you?)
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Okay, until now, these are the craziest ones I've found, but if I ever add more, I will let you guys know so that you can retrun to his segment and lose a little bit more of your soul, yeah? :)
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[Update!] Other terrible preferences I've found:
How you both read your diary together. (Why would you ever show anyone your diary? No... wait... Why on earth do you have a diary?)
How he saves you from getting stuck in a zoo cage with a wild beast. (Are you serious? You went to the zoo and were stupid enough to get stuck in a cage?)
How you paint him a self-portrait. (There are two possibilities to this: either you have painted a portrait of him, in which case it isn't a self portrait and your intelligence is laughabl at -- or you have painted a picture of yourself and gifted it to him in which case you are extraordinarily narcissistic.)
How you put your tongue in his ear. (Are you a man-eater? BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS CANNIBAL!)
How your parents feel lucky about their new grooms. (I AM NOT JOKING WHEN I SAY GROOMS. WITH AN S. MAKING IT PLURAL.)
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A/N: Dedicated to miathebeatlemaniac beacause: (A) she loves the Beatles and (B) because she suggested this idea. Thanks a ton! This rant had to be done.
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Types Of One Direction Fanfictions
FanfictionTitle needs no explanation. These are the various types of fanfictions you'll find for One Direction and why they're all horrible.
