Heartbeats

Chapter-five

The surgery started with house of gold by twenty one pilots and ended on I'm not ok (I promise you) by my chemical romance, it lasted for 10 hours straight, and no one was certain of what the results would be, all I wanted was to hear was a percentage or a probability of the chance that the surgery would work. I was left in the ICU over night with 15 minute ward rounds, the nurses muttered different conversations during changeover but the ones that caught my attention was when they said everyone would be given the option to visit me in the morning before they got the results as they wanted everyone to say goodbye just in case it didn't work. I made it through the night with my heart beating steadily it didn't mean I would make it through the next week or even the day. I wasn't so much scared of dying but the thought of leaving the people, music and my education the things I loved the most that's what really scared me.

It reached morning and the nurse was deciding when to tell and who to tell first only one person and couples were allowed to see me at a time, it's funny how little things like visits being restricted can make you realise how granted you were even if your life did completely suck. Soon the nurse decided to tell Jakes family first as they had been there right from the start, Jake was talking to his parents and they agreed they would go first so that he could have longer when he saw me. Jakes parents walked in and started a weird conversation with my unconscious self, "hey, it's Diana Jakes mum, um his been really worried about you I mean he went from talking about wanting to marry you and spending the rest of his life with you, to wishing he could fight your battle instead of you having to" she started to cry and I cried with her, I looked through my blurry vision at his dad he was crying when he said it but he managed to say it. "If you want to leave you can well understand it's ok to leave but it's also ok to stay" tears were now pouring down his face, as he shook when he said the next sentence, "I've felt like a dad to you from the moment I met you, I hurt when you hurt, I cried when you cried, and I got angry when you got her". "You're like family to us and if Jake wasn't so in love with you we would've adopted you" the tears continued flowing but they weren't his or Diana's they were mine. He continued on "I know you have your dad back now, and I know you probably just want him in your life if you do save here, but we would love it if you moved in with us I mean family sticks with family right" he gave my unconscious hand a squeeze, and then Diana whispered something in my ear "just don't tell Jake, after all you are the love of his life he probably wants to ask you himself" that lit my whole world up. Soon they left and I was left to wonder if what they said was true, other people started coming in and each said a few different words to me most of them just said that I had so much to live for, and that they all wanted me to survive, I eventually gave up on looking at them when they talked to me. I was now out walking around the hospital and I could hear my dad talking to me, he sounded almost frustrated with me but there was also a hint of disappointment in his voice as his voice shook and then stabilised," now you shouldn't of done this, Jakes family is lovely they told me about the offer, but when you wake up which I know you will, you'll come live with me I'm your family not them, you'll come to Boston with me".

Something unexpected happened next, I felt my whole body turn cold I then started shivering over and felt like I was turning round and round, next second I moved and realised that I could feel someone's hand on me, I looked up and made eye contact with my dad oh my god. "Get away from me" I screamed at him remembering his conversation with me from a few seconds, he started stuttering, "I'm not going anywhere with you I should've known all you would want is to take me away, nothings ever good enough for you, it isn't good enough for you to come and see me and say goodbye, you have to take me away with you". I attempted to get up but I looked down and realised my leg was still broken, "what... how... and yes you... are" he stammered his whole body shaking, his hand still being on the blankets I attempted pulling it off, but was too weak to do anything but nudge it. I yelled and yelled from then on trying to get a nurses attention anyone's attention, until I realised the unit was sound proof my dad let out a soft chuckle as if he thought I would give up that easy. I lifted up my t shirt to uncover bloody bandages, and predicted whether I would be able to stand up or not without falling over I looked round the room once more to see a pair of crutches I estimated the length I would have to reach to get them, as I sat up to get them five nurses strode in to tell my dad his time was up all their jaws dropped at the sight of me. "Get me out of here" I started crying I didn't realise how long I had really wanted to cry for the tears just kept on running down my face, and this time I could feel them which only made the hurt so much more, I sat there crying like an idiot for about two hours straight at this point I was sitting in a normal colourful hospital room and my family and friends were being alerted on what had just happened. Soon they started inviting people in to see me and have a proper conversation now that I was responsive, they started off with Jakes parents first who repeated the offer I told them I was listening the first time they offered and that in my head I was shouting, I love you guys of course I want to be a part of your family and move in if that's ok with you guys and Jake of course. Tears started streaming down Cole's face (jakes dad) I couldn't believe what he said next "you can call me dad if you want" for the first time since the incident I felt like I had my family back it didn't matter, if my biological was my legit dad he wasn't my family he was just what brought me into the world. Soon Jakes parents were off they attempted a hug on the way out but realised nearly the whole top half of me was broken, maybe one day I would get to know my dad better but for now I'd prefer to think that both my parents were dead and my family was surrounding me made up of distant family and close friends.

Others came and went the whole day each promising me I owed them a hug when I was able to get out of bed, the one visit I'll never forget from today was Jakes visit he reminded me of some old people in my life and I hadn't realised why I loved him so much until now, I used to have a best friend called Challis he died of cancer I would have done anything for him, Sheridan, challis's sister and I had gone out of contact when challis died, Dua an old best friend who moved back to her home country sir lanka, and my old group of my friends. See the thing I didn't tell you was I've been moving around since my mum died changing friendship groups and schools most of my life. When Jake came in he came in with humour in his voice but his face was wet with tears, he had a bit of a laugh I'm guessing for reassurance I felt normal with him I hadn't felt normal for a long time but yet again he managed the impossible, he told me he didn't realise I would be awake and that he had a confession to make to my sleeping self but now he couldn't as I was awake and he was worried I would judge him I let out a soft laugh and he smiled, " you can tell me anyway, I won't judge you I promise " I said. He opened his mouth and then closed it again I was scared of what he would say until he said "I love you, London and if you have me I want to be the nuisance that's in your life forever". I had no idea as to what to say to him I had heard the words before but never from him they felt ten times as special coming from him and I just hoped that he meant them he seemed surprised that I didn't respond straightaway soon I responded unsure of why I said what I said next "why haven't you told me this before, I mean why did it take you so long to tell me and how long have you I mean since when did you love me or start or something" I asked. He took a moment to think before he responded "I knew there was something special about you from the day I met you I just didn't know until after everything happened about what it was" I wiped my face I felt like such a freak with all this crying it felt like ever since the incident that was meant to end in happiness for me had just started sadness and happiness for everyone else.

It wasn't so much that I wanted my life to end I just wanted to stop watching all the bad things happening to the people I cared about, it's like every time they finally had fun or something good happened someone took them on a ride on the destruction rollercoaster also known as life, sure life Was complicated right now but it had to get better right I mean with me moving in with Jakes family in a month it sounded pretty good already and that's me thinking that from a hospital bed Jake stayed for nearly the whole day but soon he had to leave as I had special visiting restrictions due to my situation, I felt sad when he left but soon cheered up at the thought of being visited in the morning by so many people. A tray of food was brought in and I was told by the nurse that she was happy I had made a recovery and that she and the other nurses had a gift basket with way better food to give to me in the morning that cheered me up a bit, I was on ward rounds in case I tried anything or my heart played up the nurses seemed like they wanted to trust me but it was part of their job and they didn't want to risk being fired I was fine with their decisions as I fell asleep quickly the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep was how had my life changed so much since my mum died.