Close As Strangers

Thirty.

Now Playing... It Will Rain

Two days had passed since Wes left. Nobody had heard from him or seen him-- not even Mikayla-- and as even though he had hurt me, I still grew worried about him. I sat in the living room, pretending to watch TV, but really, I was watching out the window for his car to pull up, and everytime a gray car rounded the corner of the street, I jumped in my seat, only to be disappointed when it passed by.

"He's probably just at a friends, sweetheart." Mom tried to reassure me as she watched out the window as well. "I'm sure he'll come back home soon."

Not according to the voice in the back of my mind.

To my surprise, everything became almost dull and lifeless without him there. Sitting in English with the empty seat beside me didn't seem like the good class it usually was, walking to my lectures after didn't seem as joyful as before, and even my shifts at the restaurant were lousy without being able to think about going home afterwards to him. Everyone tried their best to keep my spirits up, whether it was because they knew how my mood became when he wasn't around, or if they could see something in me that I hadn't quite realized yet. But what I did know, was no matter how successful the other people in my life had been at brightening my mood, as soon as I walked through my bedroom door, hoping to see his bright smile and his arms wide open, my mood came crashing down as soon as the image of him disappeared. It hadn't occurred to me how easily you could long for someone's presence, for the feeling of their arms around you as if it had been the safest place in the world.

The next day, Mason had asked if we could meet for lunch. Although the truth involving him was still hard to bear, we had finally moved past it, and became friends again. A part of me had always known he was better as a friend, but the other part of me had longed for the piece of my heart that moved to the other side of the world.

When I arrived at the cafe, Mason was sitting at a table by the window, and I sat across from him. He had already ordered me a drink, and we sat in silence for a couple minutes before he smiled softly. "How have you been, Molls?"

"I don't know, to be honest." I sighed, glancing out the window. "Wes hasn't been home in two days. I'm worried."

"He's probably just out with a friend."

"Mom said the same."

Mason chuckled, but then he suddenly grew serious. "Molls... I think there's something you need to admit, not just to me, but to yourself."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me ask you something, and actually think about it." He leaned forward, concern in his eyes, and I shifted in my seat." "Do you love him?"

I blinked.

"Molly," He asked again, staring intently at me. "Do you love Wes?"

Thousands of memories played through my head. The first boy I had ever held hands with. The first boy to hug me and tell me everything would be okay. My first friend, first fight, first kiss, first everything. From the moment we met in the sandbox and he helped me rebuild my castle, to the first party he ever took me to, to my very first kiss, to the moment he left, the moment he came back, and the moment he left again. I suddenly found myself remembering every inch of him inside and out, from his genuine laugh and smile to the way his piercing green eyes dazzled in the sunlight, from his soft brown hair to his gentle, warm hands that seemed to fit perfectly in mine. Every moment I had ever spent with him came flooding back, and all at once, it hit me.

Holy shit. I was in love with Wes.

"Yeah." I finally choked out, my eyes filled with tears. "I love him. I'm in love with him."

***

Journal Project Entry #3

If you were to ever leave me fully, my heart would overflow with pain. And not even all the medication in the world could lessen the pain of remembering everything we had and everything we lost. No matter how many times I pray, no matter how many times I beg, nothing could erase the pain of losing you. Nothing could heal the damage that would be done. Even though I'm putting forth all my efforts to keep you with me, to keep you from walking away, it feels like I'm just a few short seconds from cutting the string that connects us, that keeps us together as the pair we've always been. Without you, there is no sunlight. Without you, the sky is always dark and gray, always hanging above me like the ominous foreshadow that comes with the thought of losing you. If you leave, my eyes will mimic those clouds, and every day will be a rainy day. If it was too much for you to bear, I would pick up all our broken pieces, no matter how badly they cut me open, and I would spend the rest of my life piecing them together until they resembled the us that was. I would do anything to keep you in your place beside me, where I like to think you belong. Please don't say goodbye. There's no home for me without you in it. There is no me without you.