The Celibacy Club | Dirty MAGCon BoyxBoy

25. You'll Be Okay

C.DALLAS

9:02 PM

I felt questionable with what I've done with Matt because I have always found myself to be doing that with Nash. Guilt.

All this talk about Nash wanting me to love him again and to just try, or even act like it. It makes me realize, he deserves better.

"Hey. If you want. Come over and we'll talk." I leave a voice mail because he didn't pick up the last few calls.

And then there's Matt. He's technically cheating on Carter. It makes me wonder, does he even like him? Carter claims he doesn't like Matt, don't see why they don't break up so I can date Matt.

I peep into my moms room and notice she already left without telling me goodbye. But like I care, she's out dating a ton of other men so what the fuck. Yet, it reminds me of me. And boy am I a terrible person.

Down in the (dm) I head to the kitchen and make myself a ham sandwich with mayo. But then I hear a soft knock at the door. With my knife in hand, I look in the peephole and see that Nash is there.

I open it and he throws his arms over my shoulders and pulls me close, practically melting into our hug. He pulls away for half a second, drawing me into this absurd eye contact then pairing his lips with mine.

I drop my knife down, and run my hands against Nash's lower back until I finally reach that ass of his that I squeeze tightly. I pat his baby bottom a few times to signal that I'm in the feels to carry him. "Mhm." Nash mumbles into the kiss.

I finally pick up Nash, adjusting his legs around my waist as I put him on the kitchen counter and get in between him. My hands rub his thighs while the kiss grows more hot and stronger. His fingers are trailing against my Adam's apple and jaw every now and then.

Nash is the first to pull away. He suddenly gets off counter and I sigh. I see him walking away back to the front door and it leaves me upset and empty.

But??? He comes back and has something behind his hands. Slowly, it gets exposed. "Nash! Don't kill me!" I say I'm defense as I cover my face when I see Nash holding the butter knife. Nash goes closer to me and laughs. "Cam, I'm not going to hurt you. I was hoping you could make me one of your famous ham sandwiches too."

"Right. They were always your favorite. Sure." I smile at him and get the knife out of his hands gently. "Tomatoes? Lettuce?"

"All of the above. And put cheez-its in there too, please Cammy." Nash tells me in the most sincere voice. And now I truly miss him, after all these months of being with him... Abandoning him.

I finish making my sandwich then I start on his. Every now and then I would take glances through my hair and see that he would stare blank at the floor, no emotions, just maybe thoughts. "You good, Nash?"

I only hear him lightly chuckling. "That's the dumbest question I've ever heard."

"Of course I'm not good. I'm heart broken, Cameron. And all I ask, right now, tonight, why don't you love me?" Nash says if full heartedly with a strong defense of confidence.

I put the condiments and vegetables away and bring our plate of two ham sandwiches to the counter with the high bar stools. I slide him the plate after grabbing mine. "I don't have a logical answer. It's not good enough."

"You can tell me. We've always told each other the truth. When you don't give me a reason for your actions, it only makes me feel like you don't care. Maybe you don't care then..." Nash's tone gradually becomes more and more quiet.

"I do care about you. And, I, I love you. I do. You don't want to know why I cheated on y- fuck, I meant you don't want to know why I broke up w-" Nash cuts me off by his sharp intake of air. Oh not again. Not... again.

"Nash!" I take his sandwich away and bring him to the couch. I scurry myself over to the kitchen cabinet where there should be paper bags. I get back to Nash and lay his head on my lap. "Breathe." I say panicky.

I take my own deep breath while Nash is breathing in his paper bag. A rush feeling over him as his breathing pattern overlaps one another. Hyperventilating. "It's okay, baby." I rub his forehead while he tries to regain his breathing consistency.

I notice he doesn't get better, only worrying far too much more. "I'll be right back. You'll be okay." I tell him as I lay his head on a pillow.

I rush upstairs and go to my nightstand where I have my last drawer only with Nash's items. I search around this little drawstring where he has his anxiety pills and an inhaler.

I race downstairs and he's crying, but his breathing is becoming accurate. "Nash. Please calm down. Don't overthink this. You're okay. You're doing good." I take his bag away and let him take a whiff of his inhaler.

"Here. Take one pill. Don't stress. Nash..." I caress his cheek, also wiping away the tears. He finally sits up and takes a deep breath. I hand him the water and pill in which he does take.

I sit behind him and rub his back up and down. I only want to comfort him. I'm the main reason why he started to have this whole panic attack.

"I'm sorry. Sorry that you found out in a bad way. In all of my nervous, mashed up dialogue. It wasn't suppose to come out that way." I tell him slowly. Nash nods. He pushes my chest gently and I let him.

Nash gets up to reach for a couch throw. Soon, he's laying in between my legs with the blanket over the two of us. He still has the paper bag on my chest. "It's okay Nash, it's okay..." He whispers to himself.

"I'll be okay. Sleep with me. Please..." Nash says softly as his head finds its comfort on my chest. My hands rub against his back once again. "I promise I'm not going anywhere."

7:10 am

When I wake up, my body feels light.

Nash is gone.

-

It appears Cam is always saving lives.

First Matt, now Nash. And what happened when he saved Matt from chocking, he also took his virginity. Oh, I wonder what happens after he saves Nash from a panic attack!

Written: Wed 0323
Published: Mon 0404
Next Update: Wed 0406

technically due to my daily update spree from Friday to Wednesday, here it is 0402 & 4 am!