Cause of Death {{PETERICK}}

//chapter twenty-three//

"It's just a coffee, Pete, get it together," Pete thought to himself, somehow finding himself painfully nervous about meeting up with Mikey, "it's just a fucking coffee!"

But it wasn't, it couldn't be.

For some reason, Pete couldn't see his meeting with Mikey as 'just coffee'. It wasn't supposed to be anything other than 'just coffee', and he was certain he didn't really want it to be anything more than 'just coffee'. For Pete, this was a difficult situation, since he'd managed to get himself stuck. He didn't want anything more than a coffee and a chat, but worrying like this made him think that he was waiting for something far less platonic.

Admittedly, Pete really had loved Mikey, and himself from even as little as a month ago would have killed to meet him again. Now he had Patrick, but that was something he shouldn't have reminded himself of just as he found himself thinking of Mikey, it should have been a fact that he was totally aware of, and totally happy with.

Pete was totally happy with it, though, in fact, he was overjoyed that he could call someone as sweet as Patrick his boyfriend. He just hoped that he really did love Patrick as much as he thought he did, because he was good at faking feelings. The problem that Pete had was that he had gotten so good at convincing himself he felt certain things that sometimes he didn't even know if he was lying anymore.

There was a knock at the door that Pete could only hope was Mikey. He didn't know who else it would be, but the idea of it not being Mikey wasn't sitting right in his mind for some reason. It was almost like Pete was waiting for him to arrive, but if he was it wasn't a conscious thought. After all, no one really waited for the person they were 'just having coffee with' like their life would be over if they didn't show up. Pete wasn't really waiting for Mikey, though, he was waiting for the person he used to be best friends with, foolishly thinking that somehow they might be the same person.

"H-hi..." Pete stuttered, unable to believe that, after opening the door, Mikey Way really was there.
"Hey," Mikey said, with a small, but noticeable smile, or perhaps smirk, on his face, "nice to see you."
"It's nice to see you, too. Uh, come in, come in--"

And suddenly, it became clear that Mikey Way wasn't quite as straight as he'd always insisted he was.

Because there was nothing even vaguely heterosexual about kissing another guy, no matter the situation.

Pete didn't want to react at first, he wanted to believe it wasn't happening. Then, a part of his brain kicked in that definitely wanted to react, that loved that this was happening. It was all a bit cruel really, Pete had waited so long for Mikey, and just when he didn't want to have him, he'd gone and done something like this to him.

It wasn't even a joke, because straight guys didn't kiss other guys. They definitely didn't kiss gay guys. Most importantly, though, there was no way on earth that a straight male like Mikey Way would ever kiss a gay male like Pete Wentz. As much as he wanted to, needed to, Pete couldn't quite stop loving Mikey, and that must have been what drove him to kiss him back.

Then, all of a sudden, 'just coffee' became so much more. It had become what Pete had both dreaded and hoped for. It was only bittersweet, though, it was so wrong, and Pete couldn't convince himself otherwise. Still, he didn't have the heart to pull away, because Pete Wentz had loved Mikey Way, it was just bad timing.

"You shouldn't have done that," Pete mumbled, before repeating the same thing to himself over and over again, leaving Mikey to wonder if Pete had been talking to him at all.
"Shouldn't have done... what?" Mikey asked, honestly oblivious to what he'd done and just what a predicament he'd caused for poor, poor Pete, "Shit, Pete, what did I do, what did you do?

But Pete didn't answer Mikey, he just sank to the floor, hugged his knees and cried. Not because of how Patrick would feel, though, in fact, Patrick hadn't even entered his mind once.

Pete only cried because this was all he'd ever wanted, and it felt so wrong.

Mikey wasn't having the best time, either, though. He hadn't planned to kiss Pete, actually quite the opposite. He too had intended for their meeting to be purely platonic, 'just coffee'. Then again, when did things ever go how they were intended? Mikey had never looked at Pete like this before, and part of him regretted. Only part of him, though, since, for the most part, Mikey was still clinging on to his heterosexuality. Not like it really made a difference, but still, he would never accept himself any other way.

"Mikey, I... I've fucked up, haven't I?" Pete asked, his voice shaking, "I've done some really fucking stupid shit that I know I'm not supposed to, haven't I?"
"I-I don't know, Pete," Mikey replied, crouching next to Pete, still just as confused as to why he was so upset, "how have you fucked up?"

It was only then that Pete was really able to utter the five words that put his reaction, and the whole situation, in fact, into context for Mikey.

"I have a boyfriend, Mikey..."

Mikey didn't know, he didn't know. Mikey didn't know that Pete had a boyfriend. He didn't know, of course he didn't know. He'd ignored Pete for so long and now nothing was quite how it had always been before.

But then, Mikey suddenly realised something.

Really, he had known.

Pete's boyfriend was Patrick Stump, and, as far as Mikey knew, he was a perfectly good person who didn't deserve anything like this. He'd let the person who'd brought him and Pete back together slip his mind altogether. He'd deemed him unimportant, even though he really wasn't. Patrick had even told Mikey that he was Pete's boyfriend, even if he didn't sound too sure at the time. Everything fell into place, but of course the pieces of the cruel jigsaw of Mikey's life wouldn't make the picture he was promised.

"Fuck! I-- Pete, shit...!" Mikey stuttered, entirely unsure of what to say, "Oh god, this isn't good at all, is it?"

Pete shook his head. He knew Mikey didn't have a lot of experience in these situations, but he hoped to god that whatever experience he did have was more helpful than what he had shown so far because this was not good at all. Pete tried to think of a time that he'd felt quite this guilty, but honestly this was the worst he'd ever felt.

"I really need you to leave, Mikey," Pete said, hoping that his ex-best friend would understand.
"I know you do," he said, letting Pete get his hopes up, and think he might understand, before bringing them crashing down again, "but I'm not going to, Pete."