Cause of Death {{PETERICK}}

//chapter seventeen//

Patrick didn't think Pete could have looked any sadder than he did after Mikey had left. Then again, knowing Pete, he probably could have, since Patrick had thought Pete had looked his saddest a few times before now, but he'd been wrong, obviously. Now that Mikey was gone, Patrick thought it was the right time to try to comfort Pete, but he wasn't sure of how he would take it. One half of his mind was pretty confident that Pete would be grateful, but the other half couldn't be so sure. It was still difficult to judge how Pete would react to things, and that bothered Patrick a lot more than he could ever show.

"Do you think he left because he hates me?" Pete asked, his voice quiet with sadness, "I don't hate him, and you don't hate him, do you?"
"I'm not his biggest fan," Patrick admitted, thinking back to how Mikey had spoken about Pete in their previous conversation, "but I don't hate him. I don't think he hates you, I just think you confused him, and now he doesn't know what to do."
"Do you think we'll ever be friends again?"
"I... I don't know."

Patrick didn't think Pete wanted his complete honesty when he asked the question, but he'd certainly been given it with the answer. It was insensitive to say the least, but Patrick only realised that after he'd said it. Pete looked at him sadly, but he got up from the floor and sat next to him on the sofa. Patrick wasn't sure why Pete had done that, but he wasn't going to argue. He didn't think Pete would want anything to do with him after he'd told him his ex-best friend might hate him.

"Can I have a hug?" Pete asked, "A really long hug so I can let myself forget everything..."
"You don't have to ask--" Patrick said, before Pete cut him off by practically attaching himself to him.

This was a completely different hug to the one they had shared in Patrick's house. It was sad and desperate, and it Patrick more certain than ever that Pete Wentz was undeniably broken and in dire need of fixing. However, Patrick couldn't be so certain that he was supposed to fix Pete. He had a terrible feeling that it might have been Mikey's responsibility, after all he was the one who had broken him. Patrick didn't like thinking about Pete as a broken person who needed to be fixed because that wasn't who he was. He was a good guy, and he was just sad. Being sad wasn't the only thing Pete had, he was also confident and good at giving hugs, so Patrick wished that wasn't what he always focused on.

Patrick wasn't really in control of that, though, he couldn't help it if he always saw the sadness in Pete. Pete wasn't exactly trying to hide it, but not that he should have been, so no one could blame Patrick for seeing him as a lost puppy who needed to be rescued. He was worried that Pete saw himself like that, though, which meant he had accepted his sadness and wasn't trying to help himself. Patrick wanted to help, but he couldn't do everything.

When Pete finally let go of Patrick, he smiled and said, "Thank you for being here for me."
"You're welcome," Patrick said, "are you alright? I know you wanted to talk to Mikey and he's walked away again because he's an asshole, but I didn't even think he was going to come so you definitely got something from him."
"He's being an asshole," Pete nodded, "but only recently. When we first met he was such a sweet little dude, and he was practically the same until we turned about twenty. Ever since then he's been kind of angry all the time, I was worried about him, but that only made it worse."
"Do you know why?" Patrick asked, "Did something happen to make him angry or was it just a thing?"
Pete looked around sadly, "I think it might have something to do with me. I always had some weird stupid crush on him, and when we were about twenty I felt comfortable enough to tell him. It was awkward, but only a little bit, then it just got worse and worse."

Patrick didn't know how it was possible for two life-long friends to ruin their friendship quite as much as Pete and Mikey had. Then again, Patrick's lack of life-long friends didn't leave him with the most experience on the matter. Still, Pete and Mikey's broken relationship certainly was more than anyone could begin to understand, and that was probably why Patrick found himself giving up. He was struggling to care about the issues that they had since they didn't affect him, and he felt like it would be better for everyone if Mikey and Pete just gave up on each other. From what little interaction between the two Patrick had seen, he could tell their friendship was probably beyond repair now.

Patrick knew he was selfish, but then again, didn't everyone know just how selfish they were? People were selfish by nature, no one really cared about anyone else's problems, so Patrick didn't see why he should try so hard to be any different. There was something about Pete that had intrigued Patrick from the moment they met, and he had never quite been able to put his finger on it. Now, however, he realised that what he loved so much about Pete was how not selfish he managed to be.  Pete had every right to be selfish, Mikey had selfishly abandoned him, leaving him with no one but himself. Somehow, though, Pete managed to still care about others more than he cared about himself. That would come back to bite him one day, Patrick had no idea when, but he knew it would.

Pete could feel Patrick overanalysing him. He didn't know he even knew what that felt like, but he'd definitely felt it before, and that was definitely what he was feeling. It wasn't a nice feeling, it was uncomfortable and more than a little bit awkward. Pete didn't know what to do, though, because he couldn't be one hundred percent sure if Patrick really was thinking about him, or if he just wished he was. Pete didn't like to think that he wished people were thinking about him, but he really did, he wanted everyone to think about him. It didn't even really matter what they were thinking, as long as it was about him. That was probably why he felt compelled to ask Patrick what he was thinking about, to find out if he was thinking about him.

"What's going on in your head, Patrick?" Pete asked, feeling good about being the one asking the questions, rather than just answering them.
"Honestly?" Patrick said, preparing himself for his answer, "Mostly you. There's something about you that I love, but I don't think you realise how special it is."

Pete looked away embarrassedly, he thought Patrick was thinking about him, but he didn't know it was like that.