Schizophrenia (Devin Sola)

Chapter Seven

I followed Ricky outside the bus. We stared walking towards a park that was near the venue. He said that he wanted to talk to me. He didn't say about what.
Last night, while we were watching a movie, he kept starring at me worried and sad. He was sorry for me, it was obvious, and it made me angry.
I always hated, when someone treated me with pity. It made me think that I'm different, strange, an outsider. I know that normal is boring and it's better to different and all these shit, but it made me feel strange and weird. I always had a low self-esteem, so it made it hundred- times worse.
Ricky sat on the grass next to the swings. I sat down next to him and watched the little kids play, while I was waiting for him to speak.
-Why didn't you tell us the whole story? I mean, you know us for so many years that I think that you know that we would never laugh at you, Devin! Why? He asked, getting to the point.
-I don't know! I... I didn't want you guys think that I'm crazy like everyone else did! I answered.
Ricky sighed softly.
-Devin, I know that there is another reason, too! He replied.
I looked at the gras. The kids didn't dare to come closer to us. They were afraid of us.
-I wanted to forget, Ricky! I wanted to forget the shit that happened in the past! And I almost forgot! I didn't think about Edward or Mr.Jones for five years, but she spoke to me again and destroyed everything! I told him the truth.
-Oh, Devin! Replied Ricky, hugging me tightly.
That's so cute! You and Ricky would make a cute couple, if you weren't so ugly and pathetic! You know that the guys feel sorry for you, don't you? The only reason why you are still in the band, is that you are pathetic and crazy! The guys want to watch after you, so you don't hurt yourself or them! Do you remember your little dream? They are going to kill themselves because of YOU!
I flinched as she screamed and that made Ricky hug me tighter.
-Is Liz speaking to you right now? He asked.
I nodded and put my head in the crock of his neck.
-Ignore her! She is saying bullshit! Don't believe any word she says, okay? Everything is a lie! He promised and played with my hair softly.
I pulled back and looked at him.
-Thank you, Ricky! I said.
-For what? He asked confused.
-For everything! I answered.
Ricky smiled and we walked back to the bus. Vinny and Ryan were playing video games, Chris was on his phone and Balz was writhing something on his notebook. When he saw us, he closed it and looked at me.
-Can I ask you a question, Devin? He asked, getting the attention from the other three.
-Of course? I answered nervous.
-You said that Edward asked you to be his boyfriend! Would you say yes, if he was still alive? He asked and my eyes went wide, like everyone else's.
Chris looked at me worried.
-You don't have to answer, if you feel uncomfortable! He told me, but I shook my head.
-It's okay! To answer you question, Josh, yes, I wanted to be his boyfriend!
-So, you gay? Asked Ryan.
-No, I don't think so! The only guy that ever liked was Edward, so I think I'm Edward-sexual! I answered and the guys laughed at my joke.
-Maybe you are bi? Said Vinny, making it a question for me.
-I honestly don't know! I answered casually.
Of course you know, Devin, you are just a chicken! You are afraid of saying the truth! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT GOOD FRIENDS!!
Everything went black for a moment and I'm for dizzy. Ricky caught my quickly and helped me sit next to Chris, who let me put my head on his shoulder.
-You okay? Asked Vinny super worried.
Tell them the fucking truth!
I groaned in pain and Chris looked down at me.
-Do you need a painkiller? He asked and I shook my head.
-My...medicine... I chocked out.
Ryan stood up quickly and helped me take the medicine.
-Better? The guys asked at the same time worried.
I nodded an closed my eyes putting my head back on Chris' shoulder.
Go to sleep little Ghost and enjoy your little nightmares!