Moon Bound

(31) Sand Castles |Regan's POV|

I was asking for her spare love. Like a beggar. She was giving me a chance she didn't want to give only to save others. She had to have a reason do even consider the option of trying.

The beast was content that she was finally coming back, that she was returning where she belonged. He purred inside me like a sated kitted, drinking her scent that was spraying the air inside the car.

The man was broken. The man was desperate for more than her physical presence next to him.

Silently sneaking secret glances at her, I wanted to inch closer to her warmth. Intoxicated by her.

My hands stayed on the steering wheel.

"Why, Regan?" she said suddenly.

We'd been on the road for days. Aside the few clipped out words in response to my questions this was the first time she initiated a conversation with me.

I peered at her from the driver's seat. "Why what, Scarlet?"

Her face was shadowed by thoughts. The same ones lurked from the corners of her stormy eyes. I turned my gaze back on the road.

"Why did you attack us? Why did you kill them?" A shaky whisper stole past her lips. This was a question I'd been afraid she'd ask and now she had.

She was chasing after the ghosts again. I didn't know what I'd hoped for, but this certainly wasn't it. I sighed.

I could feel her eyes on me – wary and observant. I could feel her body buzzing in anticipation as I contemplated my answer. She didn't move. She stayed frozen in that kind of unnatural stillness that you felt when you expected the other shoe to drop. Sneaking a glance at her, I found her eyes focused on me. Her face wore an expression of caution. Her hands were curled in her lap. The bond was as quiet as she was.

"You had what I needed. You had the land and the wolves I needed to rebuild my pack," I gave her the truth about my motivation back then.

"We've been roaming for years, moving from place to place in search of a land that we could call our home, scavenging from other packs and sometimes even humans. The pack was getting restless. I couldn't let them live like thieves and beggars any longer. And then we found you. We watched you for weeks. We came across you by chance but as soon as we did, I saw it as the opportunity it was. We could finally settle down and rebuild our lives."

A wave of emotion permeated into the bond we shared and shook me to my bones.

"You could have just asked us to take you in," she said, that same pain reflected on her face. "You could have--"

"Your were an alpha, Scarlet. Do you actually think you would have handled me that right if I'd asked?"

She shook her head. "No, but you could have still asked. I'd have let you join the pack."

"But I wouldn't have been the alpha if I did that, would I?"

She just stared at me. For several long minutes, it was all she did – look at me while she stayed quiet. Her silence was more painful than her words.

Heavy. Judgmental. Suffocating.

"So that's what it comes down to?" she said then. "Your greed."

"Not greed." My grip on the steering wheel tightened as I tried to stop my hands from shaking. "I needed to be the alpha. All I know is how to lead, Scarlet. It's all I ever learned. I am my father's son just like you are your father's daughter."

"Then why didn't you just kill us all? You needed the territory. You needed to be an alpha. I get it. I really do. But you didn't need us. Your pack was strong enough without us."

She didn't get it.

"I lost many of my wolves that night, Scarlet. I needed fresh blood to fill in for those wolves, otherwise, we were going to be vulnerable. I couldn't risk anyone taking chances on us."

With victory came losses. With mercy came complications. Consequences.

She let out a shaky, soft whimper of agony. "We were a replacement for the ones you lost."

I nodded.

"You thought you needed to do that to protect yours," she said.

"Yes," I whispered. "And I'll do it all over again to protect them."

"You're hoping I'll try to put myself in your shoes and give you my sympathy."

"Can you?"

"You know where you can find sympathy?"she asked. I glanced at her. "In the dictionary, right between shit and syphilis."

"Scarlet," I warned.

"What?" She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't tell me it's going to be too hard. You're full of the former and most likely already have the latter so it shouldn't be much of a pickle for you to find it."

"Scarlet!"

"You are a monster, Alpha." Softly spoken words, like arrows piercing my heart, truth rang in her voice. She fell quiet after that.

Several minutes later, I could see the packhouse looming in the distance. The place was marvelous, yet filled with so much misery it made my chest constrict just by looking at it.

Two years ago, if I'd known who she was to me, I'd have never done what I did. I would have waited. I'd have probably joined her pack and waited for my time. Having the alpha female as a mate would have made me an alpha one day, but how was I supposed to know?

How was I supposed to predict this kind of future?

The damage was already done. The question was could I make it right between us, or was our future together like a sand castle – meant to crumble down once the first wave crashed against the shore?