The Guitar Man (Ziall

Chapter 3

I want to die.

I know. Call me whatever you want. Does it look like I give a fuck? I hated myself. I hated how I barely eat anymore, but I'm still fat. I hated how loud I laughed, even if I don't laugh anymore. I hated my smile, it was to lopsided. I hated my voice, I suck at singing. I'm to 'premature'. And I know it.... I hated my life. All I wanted to do was sing with my four best friends. But no. That's been taken away from me.

I'm pretty sure I was also thrown out because management found out I was gay. Yup. I like guys. I don't like girls in that way, they don't interest me. I'm a freak and I'm going to hell. Just like what my parents told me when I came out to them. I don't really give a shit where I go when I die, which will probably be soon if I don't pussy out on killing myself again.

I have tried to kill myself at least... Eight or nine times. But I pussied out every time. First, I tried to hang myself but I didn't because I'm a pussy and I didn't kick the stool away. I would've enjoyed hearing my own neck snap. Second, I tried drinking bleach. But the first drop hit my tounge and I freaked and didn't do it. I would've enjoyed feeling it burn my insides. Third, tried to shoot myself in the head. Well I got the gun... But I ended up giving it back to the gun shop I bought it at.

It goes on and on. I tried overdosing on pills. Nope. Tried slitting my throat. Nope. Tried jumping off a really high cliff. Nope. I'm just a failure at anything. Even at being suicidal. Wow I just am a pathetic, ugly, useless human being. Wish I wasn't even born. I bet everyone thinks that. Whenever I trust someone with all my heart and love them, they end up screwing me over and leaving me to pick up the broken pieces of my heart. Damn. I'm defiantly emo.

I was woken up by sunshine in my face. Wait. What?! I fell off of my bed with a thump and scrambled up, closing the curtains. I hated sunshine, it reflected happiness and joy. Which I did not feel. I grumbled to myself and pulled on basketball shorts over my boxers in a attempt to hide my fat thighs. Thank God it worked. I walked out of my room and into the kitchen, grabbing some water, I turned and what I saw made my breath catch in my throat. Zayn Javvad fucking Malik.

He had his back turned to me, making something at the stove. He was only wearing boxers, showing off his naturally tan skin that looked so smooth. I wanted to reach out and touch him. He was skinny, but muscled in all the right places. I wish I was skinny. I wish I had muscles. No. I just have fat. Zayn's raven black hair was wild and not in his signature quiff. Just the way I liked his hair. He turned and smiled at me "Morning Nialler... You want some eggs?"

I shook my head and said "No thanks, I'm not hungry. I was going to take a shower anyways..." Zayn frowned slightly and stuck out his bottom lip in a pout "Please NiNi? Just eat a little? For meeeee??" I sighed and bit my lip. I hadn't eaten since five days ago. Screw it "Fine. But only a little bit! " Zayn grinned and ruffled my hair before he went back to cooking. I stole a glance at his ass and smiled before sitting down at the table and taking out a cigarette. I had to admit, Zayn was very good looking. He was perfect.

I lit the cigarette that was between my lips and puffed on it. Then I sat back in my chair and sighed. I heard Zayn say "What if the smoke alarm goes off?" I chuckled and said "I took out the smoke alarms. So feel free to smoke away Zaynie." I took another drag and smiled when I heard him light his own cigarette. I exhaled the smoke, closing my eyes slowly.

Zayn came back with two plates of eggs and a cigarette between his lips. I grinned at him as he sat next to me and set my plate in front of me and puffed on his cigarette. The smoke from both of us around the dining room, darkening it a little "Thanks Zaynie. Smells great!" I had my cigarette in one hand and a fork in the other. We ate in silence for a while before Zayn looked at me.

"So... Thanks for letting me move in. I'm glad you don't mind my smoking, since you're the same. Lots of people are bothered by it." Zayn said as we both finiahed our breakfast. I smiled and crushed my cigarette in the ashtray "Hey, no problem Zayn. Really... I was starting to get quite lonely all alone in this big flat."

Zayn chuckled and crushed his cigarette out as well "I couldn't let little Nialler be alone. We were both alone, so I figured why not? You're awesome Ni. I love hanging out with you. I feel like nowadays you're the only one who gets me." Then his phone went off and he looked at his phone and sighed "Well... I'm gonna be out for a while. Um..."

"At the studio. I know.... Go ahead. I'll clean up here." We both stood up, did a bro hug, then I watched him go upstairs to get changed. After he left I sat down on the couch and sighed, closing my eyes and enjoying the darkness of the flat. Then I let sleep take me.

~~~~~

I'm so sorry it's so short! I suck I know! Well I have a plot brewing in my head so... Yeah! All I'm gonna say is a secret will be spilled ;) love you all my angels! -SiarraBoo ♥