2AM Thoughts

What He Did

He ruined me. Crushed me. Tortured me. Shattered me. Flattened me. Scared me. Hurt me. Pained me. Killed me.

Since he completed his mission to make me miserable, which totally worked. Congrats to him by the way! It hurts every step I take, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Every breath I breathe, I have to force out! I'm not living anymore. Yes okay I have a heartbeat and my lungs still work but that's not living! I really don't have a life anymore.

It's not healthy to be paining this much but I can't help it. I'm into deep to get any help now which scares me deeply!

Lately the world is a blur, colours are duller, friends are only humans I associate with and family are just people I live with.

If you are reading this then you can consider it a blessing or a curse, it's you're choice.

A blessing that I trusted you enough to share my deepest thoughts with you or a curse that I bothered you with my stupid problems!

By now, I'm lost in the world and I can't come back. I'll never be the same again so please don't hold your breath!

No one understands, how would they?

I've been battling a question for a long time now, should I stay or go? Is it worth the pain to be alive? Is this a sign that my time's up and I have to let go of life? I still ask myself everyday, I haven't come up with an answer yet.

People do say that when the blade slices your skin, the rest of the pain leaves your body. Maybe that's the answer to my prayers! You think? I'll decide soon enough.

Everyone tells me, "See I told you that it'd be okay, it'd get better. Look it has!" What they don't know is that it's only gotten worse, not better.

Everyone thinks I'm over it because of the enjoyment I have everyday, the smile on my face, the laugh that escapes my mouth! Yes, I'll admit that I do have fun throughout the day, at school, etc.

It's when you're not enjoying the fun that's going on around you that is so dangerous. It's like all of a sudden the monsters slip into your mind and takes over! The moment the smile fades, the demons come crawling back.

What happens next? I have no clue! All I know is that it's going to be dangerous.